“Is That Even a Thing?” (How To Talk Young Even if You’re Not!)


photo-379“Oh, it’s definitely a thing.”  The first time I heard that, I thought Tiffany, my flirtatious neighbor, was talking about an affair she started with our mailman. Seemed plausible – –  a while ago she confessed she had “a thing” for him ever since he delivered a large package.  Turns out casually remarking,”it’s a thing” has nothing to do with attraction or having sex.  It’s a way of reporting that something is now extremely popular – – a big fad.  In this case, she was confirming that you can order crazy sounding drinks off  a secret menu at Starbucks.     However if it’s such a secret, how can it be so widespread??

“No,”  I retorted to 45-year old Tiffany, who obviously thought she was so young and “with it,” she even changed her name from Theresa.  “You can DO your OWN thing.  Or drink Coca Cola.  It’s the REAL thing.   But nothing at Starbucks can be called a thing.”  She looked at me like I wore bell-bottoms and rode a bike with happy-face stickers on my banana seat.  (I used to!)  And lemme just say that I so rocked that look.

Would you still date me if I dated myself by riding this bike?

Would you still date me if I dated myself by riding this bike?

So I decided to let her know I could use the word “Thing” and be just as far-out as she was.  “Wild Thing….you make my heart sing….”  I crooned.  She stared in a mind-bending kinda way and then said, “Seriously?”

That’s when I knew I should probably brush up on my slang and talk  “hip” in such a way that nobody would ever think I could be referring to my grandmother’s serious injury if she were to fall down the stairs.  God forbid.

Miss Menopause’s Guide To Trendy Talk

(Check it out!  Hint:  That doesn’t mean you need to head to your local library.)

1.  When sitting at a red light that finally turns green, gun your motor, roll down your window to the driver next to you and yell, “We’re good to go!”  Speaking of revving motors, when (or if!) you finally feel aroused enough by your partner – – you can also excitedly whisper, “I’m good to go.”  This is more of a turn-on than pulling out little green flag from under your pillow, waving it and shouting, “Let’s do this!”  But never say any of this  during PDF.  If you don’t know that acronym, you’re beyond my help.

2.  Ever wonder what to say in a quiet elevator?  “How are you today?  Oh fine, thank you. And you?”  Meh.  So passe! (Did you catch that cool “Meh” I just threw in there?  Make good note of that one little word  You’ll see it later on.)  But seriously, as an alternative to finding out how everyone (standing in a crowded, claustrophobic, motorized little box with no place to look but the thing that tells you what floor you’re on, even though there’s only two floors) is doing today – –  just exclaim, while pointing, “Hey! I’m good.  You’re good.  He’s good.  She’s good.  We’re good.  It’s all good.  No worries!”   Note:  Nobody says “Hi” or “Hello” anymore.  For this to come off totally radical, you must start it off by saying, “Hey!”  Also, if you can sing the preceding dialogue, sort of like the old Dr. Pepper commercial, “I’m a Pepper, She’s a Pepper, He’s a Pepper, They’re a Pepper, Cher’s a Pepper, Tony Orlando’s a Pepper” (you get the idea) then you’re one step ahead of the trend!

Would you be the most "boss" in this elevator?

Would you be the most “boss” in this elevator?

3.  After you’re done conducting yourself as elaborately outlined in step #2 above, look down and just barely perceptibly, under your breath, utter the word, “Awkward!”

4.  Here’s a great way to combine two “in” words together into one sentence.   1.  Swag  and   2. Sketch   ~  This works best with artsy, interior designer types.  “Hey!  I just hung some new Swag Drapes.  Wanna come over and Sketch them?”  Have Arizona brand iced-tea ready.

5.  Remember The Twilight Zone?  (My fave episode – – the little girl who fell into her wall)  Well, nowadays you gotta work “In the Zone” into your vocabulary as much as possible.  We’re not talkin’ exploring different time zones and we’re not talkin’ football player end zones.  We’re talkin,’  “I’m totally Zoned Out, man.”  (Note:  Remember to always say, “We’re talkin'” when you’re speaking, just in case they don’t know there’s some totally sweet language coming out of your mouth.)  And now Miss Menopause is going to up your “Righteous, Rad Ratio” so you’ll always be in the Zen Zone.  Say this when someone asks you to do something you’re uncomfortable with (like reblogging this post for instance)  “Gee, I wish I could, but that’s outside of my Comfort Zone.”  Then turn around and tell the guy you just slept with last week, “Sorry Dude.  You’ve just been Friend-Zoned.”  Final Note:  Calling females “Dude” is beyond “Hip.”  Yes, my grandma is still doing fine, thank you.

6.  And now all you athletic types.  Do you bowl?  Play Bocce ball?  After you take your turn, suavely announce, “That’s just how I roll.”  If you’re not into sports, sit back, wrap up a joint of marijuana and state the same thing.

7.  Wanna really be thought of as young?  Start making even more mistakes than normal while proclaiming, “Oops….My Bad.”  You’ll be forgiven every time (without ever saying you’re sorry) – – no matter how severe your menopausal Brain Fog is.

8.  YOLO  =  You Only Live Once.   This is far too simplistic.  Whoever thought it up clearly wasn’t into creative acronyms.  Start some new lingo by shouting, YOLOBOLOPOLO  (You Only Live Once, But Offering Lovers Orgasms Pleases Old Lonely Organizers.” You’ll be especially welcomed, if you shriek this loudly in swimming pools whilst playing, “Marco Polo.”

9.  Here’s how to place your order in that chic new cafe, “I’ll have some Cool Beans smothered in Awesomesauce and make em’ Smokin!”

10.  Randomly mutter the word, “Random.”  This needs zero explanation.  Just do it.  (That’s Nike talk!)

Okay!  There you have it.  I’m even going to give you a little guide to leaving the sickest, baddest, (that means they’ll be good!) comments.

You can comment with the following:

a) Meh.  I am so over it.

b)  I’m down!

c)  I’ll give it a try.  But first….lemme take a Selfie.

BTW, You can comment with other things, too.  And I really hope you will.  So just Chillax!

She's not a Dudette. She's still a Dude. But she does need a chill-pill. You're catching on!

She’s not a Dudette. She’s still a Dude. But she does need a chill-pill. You’re catching on!

 

75 thoughts on ““Is That Even a Thing?” (How To Talk Young Even if You’re Not!)”

  2. Dude: Cool beans. As in “smokin’.” Very random and even awkward. You have totally zoned me out. BTW: I just hung up some swag drapes. My bad.
    But seriously, your stuff is very very funny, so funny I’m following you. That’s just the way I roll.

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  4. This made me feel old, as I seriously didn’t know any of those sweet words and phrases (except I heard YOLO a couple months back and just thought it was a new version of a yoyo). So, I appreciate the education here, but I fear that by the time I incorporate these lovely tips into conversation, they’ll long be out of style. Here’s one concept you didn’t cover: twerking. Sounds like something related to whiplash, but I’m not quite sure….
    Oh, and “totes” <- as in NOT the nifty bag that can fit a water bottle (filled with wine), sunscreen, and flip flops. Since when did "totally" become so difficult to say that it required shortening? I appreciate your concern with this issue!
    Genius and hilarious as always, Stephanie!

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  5. I am so hopelessly uncool. If something even hints at being ‘a thing’, I somehow manage to be at the other end. I’m hoping that eventually fiesty old women will become the new ‘thing’ after nerds and geeks have run their course. Maybe then I’ll have a fighting chance at cool – or not.

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  6. The first time someone said YOLO to me, I was mystified.
    Here’s what bothers me (and a previous commenter may have pointed this out).
    EVERYTHING is EPIC these days.
    Epic bagels, epic experiences, epic fails.
    Well, in fact your blog IS EPIC!

    🙂

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  8. Finally got a moment when I’m just chillin’ and wanted to say this blog was sooo sick. Laughed all the way through. You are so fly. Apparently I am beyond help but in my defense there are about 10 definitions for that and I could rule out most. Okay, gotta bounce.

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  10. But … who needs swag when you’ve got … mojo!? I don’t understand all that lingo either. Teachers seem to have certain hip words, too. One of them is ‘active’ or sometimes as an adverb ‘actively’. ‘Active’ listening is my favourite, because I have no idea what is meant by that. Do they expect us to run around the classroom while they are explaining something? Nowadays we have to do everything we do ‘actively’. I’ve been saying this in the same way Dr Evil says it, with the quotation mark sign.
    Maybe I should use some of these things to make me fit in a little. It could well be that this is one of the things I’ve been doing wrong all this time. I don’t talk the talk. Neither do I walk the walk, so if you have any tips on that.

    Kindest of regards,

    Arthur

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  11. Yo! Stef – O – Knee!
    Yore M/s Cool wiv a big C!

    PDF? I must confess, I thought immediately about a PDF file.
    A friend confessed recently that she thought ‘lol’ was ‘lots of love.’ Cute!
    Nice to C you back. I’ve been away from the blogosphere myself so we can now say, ‘We’re back!’

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  13. Pingback: That’s Crazy | The Zombies Ate My Brains

  14. Happy happy to see you back, my dear Steph. Hope it’s all good.

    As for “it’s a thing”. I wrote a few posts ago that I fell asleep at a Valdy concert, figuring that I’m the only being on the planet that has done that. Nope. It’s a thing. Apparently.

    Big ol’ sloppy cyber smooch from me, my dear. mmmmmwah

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  15. It’s good to ‘see’ you again! I’ve missed you!! And I love this post (even if I didn’t know what a PDF was…). But I must confess, I’m guilty of using slang, myself. Especially ‘dude/awkward/random/meh’. Soo yeah. I can’t chat. (There’s another one for you: can’t chat = can’t talk = can’t criticise because I do the very same thing.) Oh wells. Whatevs. Peace.

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    • Your new gravitar is really nice. That wasn’t cool slang, I know. And I’ve never heard the “Can’t Chat” one so thanks for the enlightenment. I’ve missed being here too- – things skidded a bit outa control in my life, but I’m grabbing the reigns again, or at least, I’m trying. Thanks so much for being a long time supporter!
      Stephanie

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  19. Clearly, I’m beyond your help. PDF = Paranormal Dampening Field or Portable Document Format or Parkinson’s Disease Foundation or Polypeptide Deformylase, and I don’t know how a person could be “during” for any of those.

    Mind you, I see where it should be used. PDF = Pretty Darn Funny = your blog

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    • That’s hilarious – – I meant to write PDA. Remember “those who can, do. Those who can’t – – teach.” Or try to teach, in my case.

      What’s even funnier is that nobody else except you and Grace (below) admit to not knowing this mistaken PDF acronym. It’s like the Emperor’s New Clothes syndrome. Everyone else is going, “Oh, she’s a riot.” And you guys are like, “WTF?”

      Thanks for the nice compliment on the mistake. And now….My Bad!!

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  20. Hey, Dudette! We’re talkin’, it’s been a while. Meh. I thought you were cruisin’, but I guess that’s just how you roll. I’m glad you’re back in the zone and good to go.

    Is Arizona iced tea still a thing? Random. My bad. Oh, snap!

    (OK, I’ll fess up. PDF? I’ve heard of PDAs (public displays of affection) and .pdf’s… Psychotically desperate flamewars?)

    I have fun listening to my youngest talk like this. You make it more fun. Thanks 🙂

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  21. I like how as you were talking about “Tiffany”, my image of a 25/30 year old woman saying these things becoming a 45-year-old changed so abruptly…sounds like she needs a new hobby in the land of verbal culture. Haha.

    I was gonna say something about how many of these are dated or just became dated…but then I found the joint smoking while saying “that’s how I roll” funny, and very YOU. (In my mind, you did this, and then coughed profusely after trying to be cool.)

    Random.

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  22. Haha, that’s great. Although, I have to mention that I wrote a whole post once on things adults say (when copying teens) but really shouldn’t say, and now I feel like I missed a lot of doozies…oh my.

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  24. Uh oh! I think I may have lead you somewhat astray with my suggestion of lingo the hip kids are using. Now Hip kids actually used my phrase, but unfortunately it was the hip kids of 1991. I won’t mention what the phrase is here. Maybe you can challenge your readers to try and guess what one phrase in the proceeding article belongs in this article if this was written 23 years ago.

    (Time for me to stop living in the past)

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  25. LOL. Stephanie, I envision you in your life having every day interactions and then in your head you are narrating this hilarious subtext of your experiences that you then put into words here. I find I have become part of that generation that sometimes is completely perplexed by some of the sayings that have recently become trendy. I actually that LOL was lots of love for ages. then again, why not. LOL, Diahann

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    • Thanks Diahann– I do that actually… Is that called “trippin” thru life? And I thought LOL was supposed to be pronounced as a word. That lotsa peeps were misspelling. It meant to loll around the house eating Bon-bons and watching soaps. Love your visits!

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  28. Oh, my stars! I laughed so hard, out loud, that my staff came into my office to find out what was wrong with me. They’re all, like, so 27. Thanks for this!

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  30. Hey, missed you! Nice to see you’re back in the saddle again. Oh wait, gotta update that…Nice to see you’re huggin’ the hog…noooo that’s for bikers. Or, are you a biker-chick? Hold on, mmmm…nope. Got nuthin’ but lovin’ for this weeks post. Hail Ms. M. You’ve knocked it outta the park.

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