April Fool’s is perfect for getting what you want. Forget about lame pranks like switching hardboiled eggs for regular ones as your spouse makes an omelet. Ho hum. I’ve got something much more exciting!
Meanwhile, you’ll see just how far you can go! Ready? Follow this easy script below, which happens to hinge on the sexual fantasies of a hypothetical spouse, but you can modify it depending on what you’re trying to get, and from whom! (In this case, an entire makeover and a dream vacation are the goals … heh heh.)
1. “Hi honey. You know your longtime fantasy where we make our own sex tape? Well I decided to indulge you, but I want to look super hot so I bought a Valentino dress, a pair of Louboutin heels, and had my hair highlighted to see if blondes really do have more fun.”
2. “Oh good! Glad you’re so receptive because I think the perfect place to film is on a cruise ship, so I booked us a 10-day sailing to Greece. Just think, we could even do “it” wearing those orange life vests! Won’t that be colorful?”
HIS RESPONSE: A) Anchors away, baby! (Skip to #3) B) I think your brain is already waterlogged Cancel that cruise! (Slap him hard on the back and say, “Aha! You thought I was serious? Gotcha!”)
4. “Oh dear — if only I felt more confident about my legs. I wanted to wear those lacy thigh-high fishnet stockings you like so much and gosh (look forlornly at calves) well, you know Dr. Pransky, that new cosmetic surgeon all my friends go to…?” (Trail off pathetically here.)
5. “Of course I thought you could also take some sexy pics of me to carry in your wallet — maybe show the guys at work? If only my breasts weren’t so droopy. Sigh. Maybe this whole fantasy thing is a bad idea. Look wistful and give a pitiful little shimmy.
HIS RESPONSE: A) The fellows will be SO jealous. Go ahead, get ‘em done nice n’ perky! (Skip to #6) B) Nah, you could just wear a push-up bra. You look fine.
6. Congratulations. If you’ve gotten this far, the skies the limit!
Why not go for another fantasy? Has he always wanted to have sex on a public beach? I hear Tahiti is lovely this time of year. Have fun and I’ll wave to you on the high seas. (I’ll be the one with the new Gucci purse!)
Don’t have the guts to be this daring? In that case, Happy April 1st and remember to hard boil those eggs between ten and twelve minutes, you fool! Yawn.
In keeping with my “adult theme” April Fool’s Day, please visit me on that great online magazine “In The Powder Room” where I’ve got a brand new list of “R” rated pranks you can play. I would be very grateful for any support you can give there (comments, likes, shares) as it helps me quite a bit! Click HERE!
Lol, and they say women are easy? Just visited ‘The Powder Room’ and lol’ed again! BTW, your posts finally came back to my reader 🙂
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You are a doll to read me elsewhere. In The Powder Room btw, great place for you to submit!
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Thanks Stephanie. I’ve bookmarked. I’m sort of up to my eyeballs for the next two months and then I’d like to look into submitting. 🙂
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April Fools sounds ever so much more like Christmas. Just think how you could fish for trips, cars, and expensive gifts, and if it don’t work out … April Fools! You little mastermind you. ;O)
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If only I had a husband. Heck I’d be over the moon with the Valentino dress and Louboutin heels.
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Had to get some fashion in here just for you my friend!
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Haha much appreciated!! 😉
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Well it does not surprise me that you planned all this out. Fantasy, Hmm, I’m thinking if the response was anything like this it would have more of an Alfred Hitchcock ending. Liposuction, butt tuck? Oh, he’s asking for trouble there. April Fools never sounded so funny.
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This is a fantasy. Any guy that responds to his wife this way is up a tree without a paddle: “Definitely make an appointment for liposuction and throw in that butt lift you’ve been wanting, baby doll!” She will respond with, “So you didn’t mean it when you said my butt was cute. And you think I’m fat. Why did you marry such a fattie anyway.” That guy is going to pay big time. On top of that, he will be hearing the words, “you think I’m fat”, to his grave.
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Good point! He will be hearing it in the afterlife as well – – she’ll make sure all the dearly departed bombard him. Rest in peace? Not in this lifetime!
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April Fools never sounded so sexy! LOL!
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Thanks Joy – – sexy AND devious!
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Haha! A plan if ever I heard of one. Don’t suppose you happen to know if a good body double agency do you? Then I’m on it!
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I double dare you to try at least #1 right http://inthepowderroom.com/10-sexy-april-fools-day-pranks/ And by the way, would Double GSM bodies = Double Delight or Double Trouble?!
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As April Fool’s Day only runs up til noon and we’re both working, it’d have to be at breakfast. It’s hard to stir up that much enthusiasm for a bowl of granola. 😉
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I think my husband’s been reading your column. I was wondering how he somehow fooled me into approving hair restoration, penis enlargement and an insanely small convertible.
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HAHA – – Got a great laugh outa that one! There’s a role reversal if I’ve ever heard one.
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I think you may be on to something!!
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LOL Mine goes like this. “Hi honey I’m home. is dinner ready? Wait I’m kidding! Hee hee April Fool? Please, let me back in….”
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There’s just no fooling about food, nah uh! Thanks, Tom.
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