I’ve discovered a fascinating blogger named “Erica Erotica.” Yes, that’s what this 52 year-old gorgeous divorcee writer (who’s very open about her new found sexuality) named herself. She’s my brand new inspiration for bringing a Touch of Tantra into my writing. Because why should she be the only one (at this age) who gets to write classy posts about BDSM, Boudoir, Lingerie, Sexual Fantasies and put up tastefully suggestive photos of herself? And yes those images are all really her.
So definitely check Erica Erotica out — because she’s stunning and seems to knows exactly what she’s talking about. BUT don’t write yours truly, (I am officially now called, “Stephanie Seductressie!”) off as just another baby boomer blogger. You can bet your blindfold I know what’s what in my own bedroom!
Introducing . . .
Six Smoldering, Sultry, Sex-Sireny Suggestions for Sensuality from Stephanie Seductressie
- Always dress in the three S’s — That’s satin, silk or Slinky ® — But don’t force that last one into your wardrobe if it doesn’t come naturally for you. Very few women can carry off silver metal coils wrapped tightly around their thighs.
2. Focus When Doing Your Kugels — It will make that part stronger and everyone will feel more fulfilled. Now is not the time to switch to whole wheat noodles or add extra eggs in your tried and true recipe. My favorite is HERE. Of course be careful when removing from the oven — you wouldn’t want anything to slip out of your hands and spill all over your clean pelvic floor.
3. Know How to Handle a Long Tantra — This means you catch it early. As soon as your child screams or falls to the ground, you must swiftly put him in his room for time-out. He will soon figure out throwing a tantra is a waste of time. And speaking of time, after the tantra climaxes, look deeply into your lover’s eyes while teasingly offering a cryptic massage, then slowly state the following, “I’ll be right back. It’s too quiet in our child’s room. I think he’s coloring on the walls.” (Oh. Maybe that should’ve read offering a cryptic message, NOT massage.)
4. Insert the 3 “L” Words, “Love, Lust & Longing” Into Everyday Conversation — Because how can you go wrong inserting anything?? Seriously, it may feel awkward speaking the following phrases, but trust me the results will be fantastic. Try, “I simply Love when you empty the trash.” or “I’m writing a grocery Lust, are we out of marshmallows for our hot cocoa? (It’s the marshmallows that add to this sexy scenario) or how about, “Go take a Longing walk off a short pier!” Mmmm, draw the bubble bath asap.
5. Pose For Boudoir Photos — First practice pronouncing “Boudoir” correctly. I called to make an appointment for pictures in a “Boudoir setting” and found myself headed to Boulder, Colorado. Alright, so you’re definitely a hot little number all on your own, but bringing in props and really setting the stage in the studio can brighten any photographer’s day. In fact my cameraman kept calling me his little “Testosterone Tramp” because I would lean over enticingly, pressing down firmly on my hormone creme pump as he snapped the perfect shots. Don’t forget to bring your own fan. Forget having it off to the side, giving you that sexy, tousled, windblown hair. Keep that breezy baby center frame with you, aimed directly on your wrists and the back of your neck where it will do some good. Unless your studio specializes in Hot Flash Photography.
6. Lingerie — Wear lots of it. But let’s get one thing straight – – Spanx, even though it is sold in the Lingerie department, does not count. What an ugly word Spanx is. Sounds like something you just slap on, rather than slide into. Now a “negligee” IS lingerie. In fact anything french sounding will work. So you could wriggle into a little attaché case, or puree a soufflé or even slip on a sexy protégé. But if your lingerie works correctly and he touches you exactly the right way – – in keeping with your french theme . . . after things “culminate” for you, always shout out, “Touché!”
And now if you’d like to glimpse my actual lingerie (and hear it talk) simply click HERE.
Sincerely YOURS,
Stephanie Seductressie
Ok Steph I’m just ticked off that a 52 year old woman could look like Erica Erotica. I’m thinking I’m going to have to seriously revamp my sensual reprepertoire.
LikeLiked by 1 person
lol i found your blog from in my cluttered attic and i i believe i am staying. wow! lol is all i can manage for now
LikeLike
Simply hilarious! I loved the one on Huff post too, and shared all over! You should be doing standup comedy! 🙂
LikeLike
This was great. So nice to see you write and expose this side of you. One must know a little French so you don’t have pictures of bidet instead of boudoir. In some countries they where some similar to a slinky on their necks but it’s not to sexy. Picturing you wearing a Kugel, Hmmmm ; )
LikeLike
Between this and muffles your ruffles I’m realizing it truly is time for kugels 😉 again!
LikeLike
You are so funny that you even recall that!! I hardly remember the stuff I write! I revamped this one and submitted it elsewhere so we’ll see!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Satan could learn some tricks from you guys. ‘Course he’s so old school, he may never learn any new tricks.
LikeLiked by 1 person
There’s an old game I used to play. It went like this. End every sentence with “in bed”. Like: Just wait till your father comes home in bed. You are going to drive me stark raving mad in bed. That was a great movie in bed. We had such a great time on our vacation in bed.
LikeLike
That’s what we say when we read fortune cookies aloud. “You will have luck and prosperity…..in bed!”
LikeLike
“Touché!”
LikeLike
You! How have YOU been?
LikeLike
Stephanie ! I have absolutely no idea what you are on, but may I have some ? 😀 ❤
LikeLike
I always share with you, Ralph.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Awww ! So sweet ! I may linger(ie) here a while 😀 ❤
LikeLike
Ayyayyay! Oh dear, this is a teaser!
LikeLike
Thanks for making your way through it!
LikeLike
Oh goodness Stephanie! Definitely had to read these twice before realizing what I was reading. I’m glad you made the kegels into kugel and not the other way around. I can only imagine what one might end up eating!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I had to look the two words up. I swear if you guys are not a gas.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Marissa and I speak a secret strange language.
LikeLike