10 New Uses For Old Phone Booths

bt-artbox-benjamin-shine-box-lounger1-600x3701NYC has removed the actual telephones in their booths and installed Wi Fi hubs instead.

Here are my ideas for some other ways to repurpose a Phone Booth. Just deposit 4 quarters, enter the compartment and do your thing. Think of all the revenue the city makes!

  1. Time-Out Booths for Your Misbehaving Kids. Sit them firmly down in the bean-bag chair, holding a sign stating, “I was naughty so now I’m in Time-Out.” (Also helps reinstate the word “naughty” as parent admonishment and not just for vocabulary in the BDSM community.)
  2. Fan-Filled – Cooling devices installed on all four sides and the ceiling expressly for menopausal women who need to tame a hot-flash. Or for glamour models on their way to photographer’s studios requiring that sexy, tousled-haired look, but who are too cheap to invest in wind-blowing machines.
  3. Weigh-Station. For dieters who need to step on a scale to see if they should go for the New York style pizza or just stick to sushi.
  4. “I Just Need a Moment” – a comfy chair and curtains for when you feel embarrassed and would like some privacy. After you’ve stepped on the scale in #3 would be just such an example. “Sushi it is!”
  5. Pre-Dental Booth – – Equipped with mini-sink, disposable toothbrush, paste, and floss. Because you can’t just show up for your hygienist and immediately demand to brush your teeth before your routine cleaning, can you? That’s cheating!
  6. A Mirror with a built-in hairdryer Stall– – For all the times you run out of the house with damp hair. Talking mirror utters the following phrases, “Snow White is the fairest of them all.” Or “Hey, nice blow-job!” Or dispenses a single white glove while singing, “I’m starting with the man in the mirror / I’m asking him to change his ways / And no message could have been any clearer… la la la la”
  7. A Casket — Leave the original telephone inside and turn the phone booth horizontally on the ground with a silk lining and a sobering sign proclaiming, “Here lies the reason we used to be able to say, “Here’s a dime – Go call someone who cares!” It’s The Death of the Pay Phone.
  8. Costume Changing Station – – Hang a red cape with a big “S’ on it and a pair of nerdy glasses for all those Clark Kent wannabees. “It’s a bird, it’s a plane . . . “
  9. A pinball machine or a Jukebox — Just to remind us that these objects are even more archaic than telephone booths.
  10. “It’s Alive!” Alcove — Fill it with water, add lobster, crab and salmon and drape a fishing pole over the top with a sign, “Teach a man to fish . . . ” Alternatively, turn it into a cage with a talking parrot that screeches, “ET, Phone home!”

OR . . . Just leave it vacant with a sign stating, “Please go inside and shut the door so when you jabber incessantly on your cellular device, the rest of us don’t have to be subjected to your divorce proceedings, your grocery list, or the lab results from your physician.

(And by the way, I overheard your cholesterol numbers . . . better stick to the sushi tonight.)

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10 Gourmet Specialties For Hungry Bloggers!

FullSizeRender (9)I’m opening a new restaurant which will cater to Bloggers everywhere. Here are some of the highly recommended dishes.

        MENU

1.  Bloghetti & Tweetballs

2. “All You Can View” Stew served in a Writer’s Block Crock pot.

3.  Allegory Albacorey Tuna on Spellcheck Spelt

4.  Hacked Halibut w/ Plagiarized Potatoes & Tender AsPUNagus Tips

5.  Posted Eggs, Edited Over Easy. Served with Permalink sausage with choice of (depending how your writing is going) Belgium Awfuls or Fancakes, drizzled with Blog Cabin Syrup.

6.  Quotation Quinoa Quiche with Jumbled, Crumbled, Stumbled-Upon Mumbo Jumbo Gumbo

7.  Choice of Mixed Metaphor Mesclun salad OR Cliched Clam Chowder – – served with a butter-me-up flaky blogroll.

8.  So You Think You’ve Posted the Holy Grail Lobster Tail? (served with corny kale!)

9.  Dangling Participle Pasta – – Garnished w/ Grated Gravitar Graphics

10. Sauteed Jumbo Shrimp Daily Prawnmpts with Freshly Pressed Garlic and Cleverly Clarified Butter

11. Asian Typing Tai Pei with Wasabi Widgets

 STARVING WRITER’S SPECIAL: Blank Screens Frank & Beans with Wordless Watermelon

AFTER YOUR MEAL, Please Enjoy . . . 

Keyword Keylime Pie

Simile Spumoni

Deleted Donuts

Ping-Back Pumpkin Pie

Published Plum Pudding

Dashboard Cheeseboard

Expressive Espresso

Italian Italicized Ice

OR . . . we could always just eat our own words.

 

Who’s Watching the Kids??

This couple isn't getting divorced. They're arguing over who should inherit their kids.

This couple isn’t getting divorced. They’re arguing over who should inherit their kids.

Being Jewish, the only Godmother I ever actually knew was obsessed with pumpkins, mice, the stroke of midnight, and pranced around singing Bippity Boppety Boo. However I saw a lot of my non-Jewish friends give careful consideration to selecting godparents when their babies were born. I breathed a sigh of relief that we wouldn’t have to choose anyone.

Fast forward to a time when we grasped our own mortality and hired an attorney to draw up our living trust. Interesting that it’s called a LIVING trust and yet they force you to think about DYING.

My husband thought we should choose his mother. And by “mother” I mean “the woman who took a razor to our newborn baby’s head so her hair would grow in thicker and then sought a wet nurse because she was convinced I couldn’t breastfeed properly.” My own mother (upon hearing the possibility that my mother-in-law was in the running) stormed into a fit of jealously just thinking about having to make an appointment to see her own grandchildren with someone who went out of her way to wear an all-white mother-of-the-groom dress at my wedding. “Who does she think she is? Snow White?” Clearly neither grandmother was a good choice.

We moved on to siblings. My husband and I both wrote down the qualifications we thought made our sisters outstanding candidates. Each list had the exact same number of positive attributes, which got us nowhere. At my suggestion, we next jotted down both ladies’ faults so we could pick the lesser of the two evils. (Hi Sis….I love you!)

My Sister

  • Still eats Capt. Crunch cereal.
  • Wears nylons.
  • Wears open-toe heels with those nylons.
  • Saw Star Wars 23 times.

His Sister

  • Shaves her head.
  • Became a wet nurse.
  • Wears white to compete with brides at their wedding.

Hmmmm, understand our dilemma? Also understand his genetics?

Seeing as there wasn’t anyone waving their arms madly while shouting, “pick me, pick me!” we began to weed through our friends. It soon became apparent we were going to need to offer really good “incentives.” That’s a nice way of saying our kids were so bratty, it required bribing our mere acquaintances to please accept this profound responsibility. Even my beautician asked if we’d throw in a lifetime supply of latex gloves along with inheriting our 5-bedroom home? Apparently henna stains are unsightly. I consoled myself thinking my daughter would have perfectly manicured nails for her Bat Mitzvah.

What was happening? This was crazy thinking! What were the odds that something bad would happen to both of us at the same time? We could board separate airplanes. He hates to fly with me anyhow because I leave deep fingernail grooves (the non-manicured kind!) in his arms during scary turbulence.

It was settled. We wouldn’t choose legal guardians because the plan is to live forever. As an extra measure of security however, I have an idea. I’ll buy our daughter a red curly wig and teach her to belt out, “The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow!”

Surely Daddy Warbucks doesn’t wear nylons, isn’t a wet-nurse and won’t need a pay-off.

How did you choose guardians in case something happens to you??

You Can’t Be Serious???

Btw, this is a great movie!

Btw, this is a great movie!

From time to time I write non-humorous material but hesitate to post it here because I don’t want to disappoint readers who are expecting chuckles. But if you’re a parent or a teenager (or just vividly remember being a teenager!) you might like to visit these two online magazines that are both featuring my work today.

I’m against labeling (“A label is just a fable!” will be my new bumper-sticker and coffee mug idea!) so if you’re curious why I actually turned to labels to help my teenage daughter, just read my latest piece RIGHT HERE.  Please leave me a comment there if you support this concept.

And you wouldn’t believe the secret life I just found on my Tween daughter’s cellphone (well, maybe YOU would, but I was shocked!) and she’s not alone attending middle school and having this kind of content! Check out my article RIGHT HERE if you’re wondering why I think we should call them  “Smutphones” instead of “Smartphones!” Please tweet this article out if you wanna help me share awareness.

Happy 4th of July to all you wonderful readers and bloggers!

Stephanie