We’re not talking about playing ‘Spin The Bottle’ here. First off, I’m not a huggy type of individual. Therefore those clumsy moments I experience when initially greeting people I haven’t seen in a while (or when I part ways after running into an old friend in the grocery store) rank right up there with the awkwardness of mistakenly walking into a public men’s bathroom.
That’s right, hugging is enough of a conundrum for me. But social kissing on the lips? Just no. And here’s exactly what I’m thinking . . .
- You’re a guy and you’re farewell kissing every female in sight at a dinner party whilst your wife stands around obtaining the recipe for Monterey Chicken (just slap some cheese and BBQ sauce on the bird!) from the hostess. I notice you don’t give the menfolk even a cheek peck (something to do with hen-pecked?) so clearly you’re capable of discriminating lip-locking appropriateness. Therefore I ask, “Is your wife happy with you, Sir? Is she really?”
- Is this whole thing gonna escalate? Like going to 1st, 2nd and 3rd base? I’m worried next time you’ll sidle up to me from behind, fondle my breasts and whisper “Guess Who?” in my ear.
- Was that a tad of tongue or are you just chewing pink bubblegum? Either way….ewwwww.
- You’re a woman and we’re just meeting for coffee. Go home and Google ‘People’s Personal Circle of Space.’ Or spin around with your arms outstretched. Get it now? That’s the boundary zone. Violators will be towed.
- What? You’re kissing your kids on the lips too?! I dunno. Seriously. I. Just. Don’t. Know. I suppose that’s your own business.
- Wait, no it’s not! You’re raising a whole new batch of gratuitous lip-smackers who will show up at future dinner parties, making elderly people like me uncomfortable.
- You’re an eligible bachelor so C’mon! I mean it — is this a Come-On?
- A man is kissing my husband (if I had one) hello at a Superbowl party. Is He Gay or European? Okay, that’s just my favorite song from the musical, Legally Blonde.
- Yes, I know — cultural differences make it okay. But let’s put it to a fair test, shall we? You’re not in your country and I’m not in mine. We’re on another planet. I betcha a bag of Hershey’s chocolate kisses that the handshake wins (hands down!) every time with the Martians.
- You may have gotten away with that stealth lip graze when you greeted me hello, (you future Family Feud gameshow host, you!) but rest assured I will sooo vanish when it’s time for goodbyes. Even if I have to duck into a public men’s bathroom.
Once Upon Your Prime 
I found this hilarious-couldn’t stop laughing! 😀 I am an awkward hugger too. Just once, this one friend whom I’d known for more than a year hugged and air kissed and I was shocked! He’d never hugged or even stood close to me before. Don’t know what got over him. I was very much confused for a whole minute and just stood there.
LikeLike
Not a hugger or kisser or toucher (not a word) myself. I’m feel your pain.
LikeLike
Honesty I really say much about this one. I never kiss and tell.
LikeLike
For the record I don’t see anything wrong with hugs however, discretion is the key. On the other hand I must agree with you on the lip kissing. I must also confess, I only think of you when reading number two. I am very curious on the back story of how this came up my little miss menopause. You have quite an imagination and you are amazingly creative but I am sure there is a story behind all this, hmmmm.
LikeLike
I am so with you on this one! I know one guy who keeps trying to make me feel guilty when I duck his kids. Uh-uh. My space, my choice. Get over it, you randy old fart!
LikeLike
I always enjoy the subtext that goes on in your brain- I know I’ve said that before. I come from a culture where it’s rude if you don’t kiss everyone u know on the cheek or air kiss. which means sometimes I’ve been forced to kiss people I’d just met and would never see again after that moment.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve posted this on my FB page – so funny! And as I noted, I’m with you on the lip-kissing. Eeeuw. No. But I am a hugger and a cheek-kisser when I’m especially fond of someone.
LikeLike
That was so supportive of you and I appreciate that so much that I could just kiss you….NO, I COULD NOT! 😉
LikeLike
This cracked me up. I don’t mind most hugs, or a kiss on the cheek, but a kiss on the lips from anyone but Hubs? Nope, ain’t happening. If I sense someone coming in for a lip landing, the head turns ASAP.
LikeLike
Great! We can have coffee together. 😉 Thanks for dropping in and commenting.
LikeLike
Kissing can be horrific and raises all kinds of problems, first and foremost the likelihood of my lipstick getting smeared.
We were out at a club last weekend seeing some of my son’s friends play and one of the father’s kissed my son on the cheek. He was properly horrified.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Lipstick smeared – – That’s a whole other post (maybe poem for you, oh brilliant one?) but yucky pink blotches on drinking glasses, pillowcases, my cheeks? Where does it END???
LikeLike
Perhaps when we all give up and decide that make up just isn’t worth the bother…oh, perish the thought!
LikeLike