Meet Your New Slangologist!


photo-41Why does the X & Y generation get to have all the new, fun slanguage?  They get to say “Totes” and “Probs” and “Adorbs.” But how original is that? Because of their lazy tongues, they shorten or abbreviate a word and then it hits it big time and catches on with the masses.  I can do better than that.  Here, I present some new Words For US and OUR time.  We know who we are!  Please help “spread the word!”

Little Miss Menopause’s Shabang Slang for The Older Gang!

Bodyostasis – – n.  Those rare, fleeting moments when nothing hurts or feels out of whack.

Mattressable – – adj.  A term used for a woman who is easy to sleep with. Not that kind of sleep. Actual shut-eye.  “Cynthia didn’t throw the covers off and on according to her body temperature fluctuation, nor admonish him for breathing, blinking, snoring and she even let him cuddle with her once, therefore Steve deemed her highly Mattressable.”

Menopausability – – n.  You skipped your period! Could a 50 year old be pregnant?  It’s a distinct “menopauseability” since you occasionally still ovulate, but more than likely you’re just starting the change of life.  Relax!  You’ll soon be pushing a walker, not a stroller.

Menobump – – n. Related to above.  Friends will look at your midsection and wonder, “Is she or isn’t she?”  But woe to the man who actually ventures forward and says, “Congratulations!”

Babyboomerbitterbutterbetter — adj.  A feeling of betrayal during all those years you switched to margarine and thought you were eating healthier, only to find out it was actually harming you. Damn the partially hydrogenated process.

Eggoangst — n. Similar sensation to above.  When you hear that eggs have been given a bad rap for years, you mourn the missed omelette opportunities in your 20-30’s.

Cancermonopoly — n. The final conclusion that it doesn’t matter what you eat, there will always be an article saying it’s bad for you. People who fit in this category are fond of saying, “You only live once and I’d rather die young and happy.”

Afeeliate — v. The strong desire to affiliate with other women who feel the same symptoms of aging that you do.  Closely tied to illfeeliate  “Linda wants to illfeeliate herself with other women who feel like shit because misery loves company.”

Repeat-o-mind — n. A brain that fools you into thinking you can still do something just like you used to.  “Rebecca suffered a repeat-o-mind which caused her to go horseback riding with her young adult children.” Ps. Rebecca’s uterus will never forgive her.

Wondertainment — n. When a title of a movie sounds so familiar that you wonder if you’ve seen it before??  “45 minutes into the movie, Trudy realized Titanic was wondertainment.”  Not to be confused with . . .

Onertainment!— n.  An enviable state for people who want to simplify life.  The ability to own just one book, one DVD or CD because each time you hear, read, or watch it, it’s like the first time, brand new and enthralling!

Candleaccountability – – adj.  The crucial earlier moment in the kitchen, when the Cakewalker (one who walks the sheet cake into a crowd while leading off the “Happy Birthday” song) decided that each single candle can represent an entire decade.

This cake simply has no Acandleability!

This cake simply has no Acandleability!

Flipoverbreath — v.  When you insist your husband turn over and face away from you in bed because his exhalations are hotter than a dragon’s.  Calling him “Lava breath” will never earn you the title of “Mattressable” either.

Roomrecall — n.  That magical moment when you remember why you walked into the den in the first place.

Haditallalong — adj.   The realization you get after you ask someone if they’ve seen your glasses and you’re already wearing them or your cell phone which you’re currently talking on.

Namegameblameshame — n.  A syndrome during which you call your adult child by all their sibling’s names first, and even a few names you almost gave them when you were pregnant. Their actual name does come to mind however, by the time they humiliate you by saying, “Hi! I’m Mitchell, your firstborn.  Nice to meet you.”

Agexaggerate — v. Purposely telling someone you’re ten years older than you actually are so you can hear back, “Wow, you look great for 64!”

Doctorson — n.  A physician so young, you could be his mother.

DaughterDr — n.  Girl version of above.

Battersneaker – – n.  One who engages in the act of promising a child they can lick the bowl, but then pretends they forgot and accidentally washed it.

ItemOrigination — n.  Going into a grocery store and buying everything except what you came for in the first place.

Actnesia – – n.  The loss of a skill you were particularly proud of in which you could watch a movie and identify all co-stars by first and last name, cite who they are related to, and give at least two other examples of films your partner has seen them in before.  “Bill keeps very quiet on movie date nights since his recent bout with Actnesia.”

Glutendisputin — prop n.  One who maintains the entire gluten-free industry was thought up by a guy who hated that his mother put whole wheat sandwiches in his lunchbox when other kids got Wonder loaf bread.

Inventionintention n. — Knowing you thought of a clever new product first but were too lazy to do anything about it.  Claims can date back to electricity.

Holipressure — v.  The influence other neighbors can exert on someone who is too old or fatigued to put up X-mas lights or other exterior decorations.  Closely connected to a Reluctoweener — someone who really doesn’t want to dress up for a Halloween party so they just carry a trivial prop. i.e. “Dave asserted he was wearing a Plumber costume because he carried a toilet plunger.”  (In reality though, Dave just had a fear of clogging public toilets.)

Trendependafriend — prop. n. — someone you’ve known for years who makes it her business to ensure you stay up-to-date with the latest fads.  She’s the one who shamed you onto Instagram.  Or she will forward you this list!

Slangshorterm — v.  The tendency to forget all these new and clever slang words the moment you read the next post, thereby reducing the chance they will ever catch on to an older generation who desperately needs new terminology to describe that which there are simply no words for!

If you like this kind of murky, quirky, smirky humor, please check me out (most grateful if you would leave me a comment there!) on Huffington Post today! 

Advertisements

56 thoughts on “Meet Your New Slangologist!

  1. As I said, you are a word smithstress, Stephanie. You may have to put up a Little Miss Menopause dictionary. I love esp. inventionintention.. if only I’d acted on mine I could be rich by now!

    Like

  2. Well it’s about time that we boomers have our own slang. Bravo Stephanie!! LOL my kids get so upset with me for Namegameblameshame and between you and me I’ve been doing it before the big 50.

    Great post 🙂

    Like

  3. I thought your generation already created all sorts of great slang back in the days of “Shake Your Booty.” “Shake Your Booty” hasn’t become obsolete. Methinks the flesh doth shake whether the old people like it or not.

    (Seriously, though, great post.)

    Like

  4. Where should I start?
    Gran-o-laugh – v. The ability to laugh and forgive your grand kids actions; actions that you once grounded their parents for.

    Stephanie, I’m in stitches! 😀

    Like

  5. Thank you! I finally have a term, menobump, to go with a story. Last year at my yearly doctor’s appointment, the nurse noticed my approaching age and shared that, “On your 50th birthday, an angel kisses your belly and the result is a pouch.” Ever since she mentioned this cute little story, I have noticed my menobump in the mirror and have cursed the angel everyday! At least now, I have a name for it that makes its sound like it wasn’t my fault! 🙂

    Like

  6. Coin these terms and you can become a Scrabblominator. Using these terms in Scrabble to dominate your opponent from the X or Y generation. Although, you certainly don’t need any help there. This older generation does not want to seem outdated by not responding to texts its simply a matter of neglectotext meaning the recipient simply ignores them at will and blames it on technical malfunction. I think you are really on to something with this Boomictionary, the dictionary for the Boomer generation.

    Like

  7. History repeats itself in fashion and food. The more I learn, the more confused I get. I remember when palm and coconut oil were the absolute worst thing to put in my body. Now I drink coconut water and use coconut oil. Babyboomerbitterbutterbetter 🙂

    Like

  8. So your mattressability may be Babyboomerbitterbutterbetter if you have badbutterbreath?

    (Yeah this made more sense before I had to refresh my page and forgot what order I put these words in. Would that be refresherism? I dunno.)

    Anyway. I’ve been so busy lately with school and have missed your articles! Great stuff.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. This is…nothing short of brilliant. You continually astound me with your posts, but this one…..I’m so happy to have new slang for our age! How proud I am. I will begin to employ these terms immediately! Am sorry to admit though….I am a great victim of Repeat-o-mind already…….roller skating last week when I spent next 2 days limping and sure I needed an x-ray a very good example!

    Like

  10. You have a wonderful and funny imagination. If i wrote an article like you, it would take me months to come up with another. (At least one that was truly funny anyways.) great post! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I was going to be very clever and use all these terms in my comments but I must have slangshortterm because I forgot most of them even though I thought they were very clever at the time. Do you have one for working in an office where your coworkers and possibly even your boss is younger than you are? My friend and I need some vocabulary for this term although it in no way pertains to our actual circumstances!!

    Liked by 1 person

Hark! I'd LOVE to hear your remark . . .

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s