Barbra Streisand Accepts Neil Diamond’s Proposal!


eb58900d3a10257b964e34790cb1c50aWell at least they got engaged in my imagination. But first they need a little pre-marriage counseling to make sure they’re compatible and each understands what their expectations are from a marriage partner. Let’s listen in, shall we?

Therapist: Hello you two famous celebrities!

Neil:  Hello my friend, hello.

Barbra: What’s up Doc?

Therapist: Oh please, I don’t have a PhD in psychology, so just use my first name. It’s Caroline.

Neil: Sweet!

Barbra: Hmph. Obviously you’re not a big fan of my films? What’s Up Doc?  Ryan O’Neil. Four plaid suitcases get mixed up?

Therapist: Before my time. But I don’t mean to rain on your parade. I’m sorry if I said something I shouldn’t have.

Neil: No one heard at all, not even the chair. If you know what I mean?

Therapist:  Well, suffice it to say I’m a big fan of your voice, Barbra.

Neil: It’s a beautiful noise. And it’s a sound that I love.

Therapist: Well that’s a great start! So what can I help both of you with today?

Neil: She hardly talks to me anymore when I come through the door at the end of the day.

Therapist:  Oh. Is that all?  Well maybe she hasn’t gotten over the fact that you don’t bring her flowers anymore.

Barbra: And roses aren’t that expensive.

Neil: Money talks but it don’t sing and dance and it don’t walk.

Therapist: Let’s try a different tact. How did you two first meet?

Neil:  Where it began?  I can’t begin to knowing. But then I know it’s growing strong.

Barbra: Isn’t he annoying? Actually we originally met in high school choir. True story!

Neil: She was such a Funny Girl. But I told her, “Girl, you’ll be a woman soon.”

Therapist: So now she’s a Funny Lady?

Barbra: Honestly I don’t know what my age has to do with anything. The underlying issue here is that I’m not quite sure Neil is ready to settle down. And leave all those other females out of his refrains, ya know?

Therapist: There are others?

Barbra:  Well for starters there’s that hussy from the Bluegrass state.

Neil: Ahhh, Kentucky Woman. God knows I love her.

Barbra:  See that?  And Cherry, cherry. And don’t forget about Cracklin’ Rosie.

Therapist: Cracklin’ — Sounds like a cereal.

Neil: No, but she was a store bought woman.

Barbra: And then there was that Shilo.

Therapist:  Now I always thought Shiloh was his dog. Neil? Your input.

Neil: Shilo was when I was young. I used to call her name. But honestly I don’t recall much.

Therapist: What’s too painful to remember, we simply choose to forget.

Barbra: Thank you. And something else that bothers me. He starred in The Jazz Singer and could’ve easily suggested that I audition for his leading lady instead of Lucy Arnaz.

Neil: I Love Lucy.

Barbra: Well that depresses me too.

Neil: Me and you are subject to the blues now and then….

Therapist: I think the most important question is… can you both be your true selves with each other?

Neil: I’ll be what I am. Solitary man.

Barbra: He’s always proclaiming his identity. “I am, I said!” He shouts around the house.

Therapist: Barbra. I’d like you to make some physical contact with Neil right now. Then look into his eyes and tell him how you’re feeling.

Neil:  Yeah, hands touchin’ hands. Reachin’ out, touching me….touching you.

Therapist: You can do it, Babs.

Barbra:  (hesitatingly extends forearm) Hold my hand and we’re half-way there. Hold my hand and I’ll take you there. Somehow, some day, somewhere.

Therapist:  That’s very good progress this week, folks. But I’d like to see you for another session.

Neil/Barbra:  Do we really even need you anymore?

Therapist:  People. People who need people….are the luckiest people!

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16 thoughts on “Barbra Streisand Accepts Neil Diamond’s Proposal!

  1. Okay this was priceless!! Two of my favourite icons conversing in song. Brilliant!
    PS thanks for visiting my blog post, I realized that WP had blocked off your posts I follow, as well as throw me in people’s spam regularly. But I’m back! 🙂
    (I got smart and copy and pasted before hitting ‘post comment’, as my comments are going to spam) please fish me out. The only way I could repost this was by signing out of WP and in with FB 😦

    Like

  2. In grad school, I took an ABBA chance on love: I wrote a paper dialogue between Emily Dickinson and Walt Whitman. It wasn’t as easy as it sounds. But it was fun–and “delightful” was the comment by my professor. Thought about that while I read your Duet Paper. I have her albums, her duets. And both of them are my favorites; you picked some of our favorite songs. AND I do bring her flowers, my wife, that is. :o)

    Like

  3. Happy Days Are Here Again, Bunkie! Just read this out loud to my friend. From The Way We Were cackling, someone decided to Send In the Clowns to see what all the ruckus was about. We referred them to Little Miss Menopause, to which the lead Flim Flam Man replied, “What kind of fool am I? That’s something you made up!” Shaking our heads, we slammed the door on the whole lot of them. Left In The Dark, they retreated, hopefully to check out your post. It’s a gem!

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  4. Very clever dialog and love how you worked all the songs into the next refrain. I still don’t think her husband will be very happy but if they were engaged this is how it would be in a therapists office. Two thumbs up for the deliberate and clever use of song lyrics and for delivering it in a very succinct and witty way.

    Like

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