Simon Says . . . Adults go to preschool! Don’t believe me? Last year the very first preschool for grown-ups (in the world) opened up RIGHT HERE. So I enrolled. And even though some of my classmates’ arthritis seems to have flared up while finger-painting, we have a blast.
Here’s a typical day’s curriculum.
Morning Circle Time: Calendar – Can you actually remember what day it is? Weather- Let’s look outside and talk about rain. Will your bursitis act up? Stretching – Can you touch your toes? Should you??
Song Time: Wrinkle, Wrinkle Little Scar, If You’re Peppy and You Know It, Middle-Age MacDonald Had an Organic Farm, On Top of Old Fogey, Do Your Boobs Hang Low?`
Sharing Time: Swap good dental plans, a referral for a rheumatologist, or an effective eye cream for crow’s feet!
Show & Tell: We’re proud of ourselves! — Susan cut calories and fat from her meatloaf recipe. Carol got new yoga pants. Richard is finding himself in therapy.
Snack Time: Non-GMO kale chips sprinkled with Metamucil and lactose-free skim milk.
Playground Time: Today we’re hanging from monkey bars to tighten flabby arms.
Arts ‘n Crafts: Use Play-Doh to form heel inserts or arch supports, String beads to make chains/necklaces for our reading glasses.
Story Time: Goodnight Prune, Poky Little Progesterone, The Little Pension That Could
Block Time: Who can build the highest tower with their prescription bottles and diuretic containers?
Nap Time: Bring your own orthopedic pillow.
Nursery Rhyme Time: Jack & Jill went Over the hill — Mary, Mary, still eating dairy! — Hickory, dickory dock, We can’t turn back the clock.
Closing Circle Game: “I spy with my little eye . . . some bad hair dye, facelift gone awry, elbows that are dry, someone no longer spry!”
In the few weeks since I’ve attended class, I’ve noticed slight changes at home with my own children. Here, listen in and see for yourself.
12-Year-Old Daughter: (on her cell) Can’t you see I’m on the phone? How many times have I told you it’s not polite to interrupt?
Me: It’s just that I have a headache. Could you keep it down?
12-Year-Old Daughter: Don’t you take that tone with me! You’re just cranky because you haven’t eaten.
Me: You’re right. We should go out for salads.
10-Year-Old Son: When we want your opinion, we’ll ask for it.
Me: (hanging head) Sorry.
10-Year-Old son: Look at me when I’m speaking to you. If you can get your shoes on before I can count to three, maybe we’ll go for pizza.
Me: Oh goody. Can I get a diet coke?
12-Year-Old Daughter: We’ll see.
At restaurant:
Me: (Checking out some cute guys at the next table) Wow!
17-Year-Old Daughter: You can look at those things, but don’t touch.
Me: (taking out my calorie counter book, kitchen scale, and diet salad dressing in container) I wonder what I can order that’s on my Weight Watcher’s plan.
17-Year-Old Daughter: (to Waiter) I apologize for her behavior. She’s special needs. ADHD. (Annoying Dame Having Dinner)
All in all, I think I’ll stick with my new preschool program because I finally know what I want to be when I grow up . . . a five-year-old. Hey, it can happen!
Is youth wasted on the young? How long do you give this new business? What’s Your favorite memory from this age? Or just leave me an original comment.
https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/learning/
Once Upon Your Prime 
Preschool was cool. I don’t need to do it again. I enjoyed it the first time around.
I’d like to re-do junior high. That’s when I lost it. I’d like to go back and bully the bullies. See how they like having their mother’s favorite hats flung into the slush in front of traffic. See how they like running around naked in the locker room trying to get their clothes back after the bell rang for the next class. See how they like taking long ways to school to avoid meeting up with my threats.
Maybe I’d rather be in your preschool after all. During field trips we can form a line and each hold the rope that keeps us from wandering off lost. Or we can buddy up and hold hands in pairs since two heads are better than one at getting lost.
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Great post Steph, LOL!! Not too long ago I was just having a good laugh over Romper Room and the magic mirror. I always waited for my name but kept getting passed over because of the spelling of my name. Tragic, just tragic I was traumatized for life. 😉
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The curriculum makes perfect sense to me. The kids remarks – not so much lol.
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Too bad I have to wait a couple of more years before I can sign up. It feel just like being a kid again already. Keep on blogging in a free world and have a prophet-able day – The False Prophet
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Where can I sign up?!!?!
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I like Song Time, Story Time, and Nap Time the best XD
Nap Time: Bring your own orthopedic pillow. No! The preschool should supply! 🙂
Hilarious!
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Unfortunately I failed the entrance exam.
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I can’t wait to sing Wrinkle, Wrinkle Little Scar.
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You have really excelled yourself this time Steph! So many funny bits, it is hard to pick out my favourites. I loved the Nursery Rhymes, Morning Circle,and….all of it actually. 🙂
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This looks like the perfect school to start being a kid again. Very funny with the role reversal. So true to form. I was thinking for circle time and stretching you could touch someone else’s toes. Like the song time. Old McDonald had a orgasm farm, that’s verse two. Perhaps that comes after story time. Hmmm.
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Don’t forget those special occasion games like Who Can Crawl to Their Nitroglycerine Tablets Before It’s Too Late. Then there are exercises in learning how to trust – for example, Can You Depend on Your Depends?
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How about The Memory Game where they all get a turn trying to remember their names? I think I should get a job teaching this class. After retirement I can just become a student.
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I play The Memory Game outside of the school setting, every single friggin day! This would actually be fun to teach – – what say we open one up in Orange County which I reckon is halfway between us.
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Sounds good to me. By the way, after reading your blog I was determined to play along so I asked my son, ‘what do old people do?’ and he said ‘forget their names???’ so I’d like to credit him for this one!
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This sounds like it would be fun to go to this!
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I presume you’re referring to the actual school and not my elder parody on the article? I agree! It would be very freeing! Thanks for coming out to comment!
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I wanna go, I wanna go! I think this new preschool has an excellent chance of lasting long after I’ve started collecting social security. But i can’t remember my favorite memory, because I suffer from Paulszheimers. As usual, I’m last to hear about your latest post, but I’m bright enough to look it up on WordPress, so I don’t need a hearing-aid or that new senior citizen book, “Where’s Stephanie?”
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LOLOL! Paulszheimers – – did you just make that up? Ha! If you wanna attend this preschool, you have to bust us both outa Happy Acres….remember roomie? Thanks for commenting!
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Oh darn … I forgot about our padded cell. Maybe we’ll get out for good behavior. :cD
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Brilliantly funny Steph ! So what happened to the hand violently shaking in the air, ” I need pee-pee now ……oops, too late !” scenario ? 😀 ❤
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Thank you – – well, I made a conscious decision to let you go there instead of me. So thanks, Ralph! 😉
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lol. I really must stop commenting in the early hours !
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Surely you mean the “wee (wee)” hours?? 😉
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Heehee ! You are too potty for me to give you a come back ! 😀
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I’m LOLing again and loving song, story, and nursery rhyme time. Here’s mine…
One, two, can’t buckle my shoe
Three, four, can’t touch the floor
Five, six, no more high kicks
Seven, eight, No! Not menopausal weight
Nine, ten now I’m the fat hen…
But not for long! Nothing the 9-day old Pease Porrige diet can’t fix.
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Oh goodness – – that was great! How about I just consult you BEFORE I write anything from now on. Pease Porridge diet! lol…sounds delightful!
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YOU dear Steph, are MY inspiration, so keep it up!!!
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It’s very easy for me to picture you as a preschool student, so I think this business is going to do quite well. You could even try fingerpainting with Oil of Olay. 😉
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HYSTERICAL! This is probably my fave comment of yours. That I can remember.
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Thanks mom.
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Classic post. Love this one. And you signed yourself on for this, eh? Those are some excellent classes for sure! Didn’t see I-Spy up there though…….guess no one brought their glasses to class, huh? 🙂
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Hello! And thank you. I-Spy IS up there (under Closing Circle Game) You were saying about your glasses…. ? 😉 Thanks for commenting.
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Hah! You’re right. I totally skipped those words and went straight to bad hair dye, etc. Am calling optometrist now!
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I can’t wait to see our kids get pulled to one side when our key workers have ‘concerns about our behaviour’ though.
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Just as long as we get proper-size chairs. I have enough of a complex about my huge backside without having to deal with tiny-seating overhang.
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OMG….tiny-seating overhang…..OMG. ROFL
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HAHA! Seriously, right? So funny.
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So funny….sadly, quite true…but funny!
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Thank you. But it’s only as true as we allow it to be. Eh, enough of that nonsense. It’s true!
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Very funny! And scary. I was thinking if I went there and the class was instructed to “Be sure to color between the lines” my face would get painted. 🙂
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LOL! You never fail to comment with something that makes me hit my forehead all day long while thinking, “Why didn’t I come up with that??” Thank you.
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