This Thanksgiving I Really Resent . . . (and I won’t be content till I vent, lament, torment, and misrepresent!)


pumpy
An Anti-Thanksgiving Poem Which You Should Promptly Delete!
Today while everyone else is cultivating their sweet gratitude attitude,
I thought I’d allow myself a little latitude with a selfish magnitude.
Because I have oppositional syndrome, I’m celebrating in reversal.
So don’t take this as the final draft, when it might be just rehearsal.
It IS politically correct to complain on this day honoring poultry . . .
If you can disguise it in the rhymes of some pretty lame poetry.
So here goes — are you ready for all the things which I’m NOT thankful still exist?
This is the stuff I’ve dismissed, tried to resist, blacklist, or that just gets me pissed.
That last “P” word is one of them — someone just uttered it and my body cringed.
It’s worse than putting mushrooms in the stuffing — which also gets me unhinged.
That rubbery fungus is bad enough growing rampant on my front lawn,
But not as tragic as someone saying my blog always makes them yawn.
Are you getting the idea this verse is nothing more than all my pet peeves?
Housework, bills, lice, headaches, aging, screaming kids, rats, and thieves!
All plagues from which I wish I could get granted some lengthy reprieves.
But nothing holds a candle to what makes me feel the most defeated.
And that’s 85° weather in November and a house that’s overheated!
I live in a place where fall and winter have permanently retired,
And year-round scorching temps make air-conditioning required.
Sweating, dehydration, wrinkles, skin cancer — do we really need this much sun?
If you’re getting bored with my redundancy, relax cuz I think I’m almost done.
And so you must forgive my inconsiderate, ungrateful, lunatic rant and rave,
You’d feel justified too if burning weather melted your sanity into an early grave.
In fact today I needn’t even dirty a pot, turn on my stove, or open my oven door.
It’s so friggin’ hot, I can cook the whole Thanksgiving feast on my ever lovin’ floor!
READERS: Now that I’ve boiled over with my unpleasant, toxic post — I want to sincerely wish each one of you a very cool (physically and metaphorically) Thanksgiving holiday. Enjoy!
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14 thoughts on “This Thanksgiving I Really Resent . . . (and I won’t be content till I vent, lament, torment, and misrepresent!)

  1. I can see in your perverse way how thankful you are for everything your are ranting against….. Well, holidays do tend to get on my nerves particularly the ‘fake’ bonhomie with everyone wishing everyone a happy holiday and not really caring if it is happy or not. Not to mention the overdose of commercialism ….. and in my country, an over dose of ritualism which is thankfully now kept to holidays…..

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  2. Hey, Steph, long time no comment, but I couldn’t resist this one. Whatever the truth of your weather, be thankful you don’t live with my reality: -25˙ CELCIUS! 46 cms of snow on the ground, more in November than we had ALL last winter. Freezing rain falling in between blasts of snow. (In Yankee language, 13 below F, 18 inches.) If you want to come visit I’ll rent a dog taxi to pick you at the airport.

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      • A town called High Level in far north Alberta, Canada. You’ve probably heard of Edmonton. Edmontonians think they live in the North. If they only knew… Run your finger up a map from Edmonton, and go northwest. Hopefully you will see a town called Whitecourt. Keep going. If you are using a good roadmap you will get to a town called Valleyview. Turn north, lol. The road will take you to Peace River. Don’t stop now. Keep going. 100 kms north you will get to Manning, home of the tallest moose statue in the known world (known by me, that is.) Keep going north. You’re getting there. But it’s 200 more kilometres (800 in total from Edmonton, or 500 miles) before you arrive in High Level. And I kid you not, in summer we are often the hotspot in Canada. But this aint summer, lol.
        So now you know where I live. It’s still considered the frontier. But I will never carry a gun…

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  3. Thanks for the reminder that there is much to not be grateful for, Stephanie. Sometimes all the gratitude on Thanksgiving can give me heartburn. Oh wait. Maybe that was more to do with the second helping I had. Anyway, if you need some cool temps we took a walk on Thanksgiving morning with temps in the 20’s, so hop on a plane and come on over to Maine!

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    • Ha! This was practically written with Bitter Ben in mind! Yes, hoping you made it thru cuz I thing you even had a few degrees on me. Ugh– why do they bother selling boots and sweaters in our stores??? Happy Thanksgiving anyhow Young Marissa. 😉

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  4. I feel your pain
    Hot temperatures on the brain!
    I too, feel it’s hot
    Fall weather, this is NOT!
    Only one remedy for times that we bake
    Does anyone have any ice cream cake?

    I enjoyed your post immensely. Keep it up!

    Liked by 1 person

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