15 Ways Getting Published & “Fifty Shades of Grey” are Similar!


photo (10)If you want to get published, it takes lots of passion and discipline to send your submission to fifty places. The stress may make you gray. Ironically, “Fifty Shades of Grey” is also all about passion, stress, discipline and submission. But you’ll be surprised to find there’s even more overlap! (Not including Christian Grey bending Ana over-his-lap)

 

  1. Christian Grey knows about ropes and is into Bondage. An editor knows the ropes and is into Beverage. (Red wine or coffee!)
  2. An editor has to scrutinize a submission. Christian Grey has “screwin’ eyes” for a submissive.
  3. Christian Grey’s hands are full of kink. A publisher’s hands are full of ink.
  4. Christian Grey will not tolerate Ana rolling her eyes during their contact. Editors will not tolerate you not dotting all your i’s in your contract.
  5. Christian Grey has masochistic tendencies. An editor has manuscriptic tendencies.
  6. Publishers want to own someone’s copyright. Christian Grey wants to own someone outright.
  7. Editors like to bold text the exciting snippets. Christian Grey likes bold sex and exciting whip-its.
  8. Your editor likes literary fiction, but will turn on you for using the passive voice. Cristian Grey likes friction, literally. And will get turned-on by a passive voice.
  9. Submitting means you want to be published. SUBmitting means you want to be punished.
  10. Most editors won’t like you writing off-the-cuff. Cristian Gray won’t like you, except writhing in handcuffs.
  11. In Fifty Shades of Gray, a safe word will end the pleading. In publishing, it’s safe to say the words “The End” end the reading.
  12. Editors want you to draft many versions. Mr. Grey wants you to drift into many perversions.
  13. Editors will ask how long you’ve been blogging? Mr. Grey will ask how long you want a flogging?
  14. Mr. Grey demands Ana sign a contract to consent to being erotic. An editor demands contact info with your content if she’s being neurotic!
  15. It makes Mr. Grey hard if Ana’s bound, with a nice gag.  Publishers will make a hardbound with a price tag.
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40 thoughts on “15 Ways Getting Published & “Fifty Shades of Grey” are Similar!

  1. This was fun reading. I can tell you why woman like reading those types of books. Some like to fantasize about the pages just read, while others read the pages and use it in bed. I do not see you as a submissive type at all. You seem to certainly be on top of things. If this article does not get published about someone should be spanked.

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  2. When I first heard about ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ shooting off the charts, I had it confused with ‘Between Shades of Gray’ a young adult novel by Ruta Sepetys…imagine the shade of grey I turned when I said how happy I was for the author when I met her. I was living under a rock in Germany at the time…anyway.. Do you ever sleep? Or do you just tie a pen to your hand and write on auto-pilot? GRAYt job Bunkie!

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  3. I never knew submitting to an editor could be so sexy! (I did my best to go through the book but I just didn’t have it in me. Did you enjoy it?…cos I didn’t). Anyway, thanks for the laughs as always!

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  4. Your good. I have no inclination towards the subject matter of the “Grey” books.
    The closest I’ve come to such reading, was a book by a gigolo interior decorator,
    “Fifty Lamp Shades.” 🙂

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  5. Very educational. I learned so much with this post. I want to thank you. But I still have questions. Why do women love these books so much. I don’t know a woman, and I know quite a few, that love to be told what to do, even when making whoopee. And even if the guy has truckloads of money. I do watch The Batchelor for instructions. But it’s no help. Can you please enlighten me?

    1. Add booze (preferably Scotch or Bourbon). And editors have whips and use them quite frequently. “Damn it. Get rid of that semi-colon and no more passive verbs, I say, Mr. Christian.” Hey, maybe getting published is also like The Mutiny on the Bounty.After all, isn’t self publishing mutiny?

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