No. You just need to have a good memory to recall these devious tips.
7 Tactics That Truthful Bloggers Will Admit Trying
1. Get Readers! — Let’s face it, most of us are not writing a diary here. We want our words seen by millions. Therapists claim we didn’t get enough “Show & Tell” in grade school. Try this — Join Facebook groups that have nothing to do with writing (otherwise you’re competing with other hungry bloggers) but make sure the group is at least in your niche. Let’s say you are a food, gardening or fashion blogger. Or you blog about parenting. Join those kind of special interest Facebook groups and then periodically post about a fantastic article a friend of yours sent and now you want to pay it forward and share the link. If you have a different profile photo on Facebook than the one on your blog, chances are nobody will correlate you are one in the same person.
2. Start Your Comments Off On The Right Foot! — Did you just post something terrific and . . . crickets? There’s nothing wrong with giving a little encouraging nudge to your readers with a comment (anonymously, of course!) from yourself that says, “This was pure genius! I seriously hope I get to be the first one to comment here about how good this was.” Emperor’s New Clothes, people! Rest assured, others will soon follow suit. Do not forget to respond back to yourself (you don’t want to be ignored, right??) with something like this. “Much appreciated, Anonymous! I hope you’ll come back and tell me your name so I can thank you properly.” What?? We talk to ourselves when we’re alone in the car. What’s wrong with a little self-esteem raising banter on our blog?
3. Visiting Other Bloggers! — What goes around comes around. You must give in order to receive. Yada, yada, yah ha. If you want subscribers and engagement, surprise — you’ll need to subscribe and engage. But only subscribe or follow extremely succinct bloggers. Better yet, bloggers who write in rhymed verse. Trust me, they can’t carry this out for too long. This will cut your required daily reading in half. Would you rather take a class on Emily Dickinson (she was a short poet, standing a mere 5 ft tall.) or Tolstoy? Alternatively if someone becomes too wordy for you, simply delve into the middle of their War and Peace entry and single out one sentence to quote. Go to their comments and copy/paste their own words back to them, followed by “Best. Line. Ever.” People love seeing that. Warning: Do not excerpt something from the beginning or the end. They will suspect you didn’t really read the entire thing. The nerve of them.
4. Testing Your Readers For Sincerity! — Ever get the feeling “they’re just not that into me?” People might be reading/commenting just so you’ll follow the Golden Rule (see #3) and return the favor, taking an interest in what they do. Especially people in real life. Your sister probably doesn’t have time to TRULY read your blog, yet every so often she’ll toss out, “Hey, great post last week.” Then you can say, “Thanks, Sis! Do you mean the one where I bought crunchy peanut butter and had to pick out all the lumps so the kids wouldn’t say Ew?” After she says, “Yep, that’s the one!” you can lower the boom. There was NEVER such a post. What kind of nut doesn’t buy smooth and creamy?
5. Bring People Back to Life! — Do you notice some original subscribers have died out or lost interest in visiting your blog. But is the love affair really over? Try this: Occasionally peruse your statistics list (this is akin to going through your personal telephone book, back when we had those) and when you see someone you haven’t heard from in a long time, immediately visit their blog and say, “hope you’re okay? Was just thinking of you yesterday,” in their comment section. This will jog their memory about your existence and they will think, “Oh yeah. Her. I suppose I should probably go see what she’s been up to lately. Ho Hum.” And then just like Poltergeist . . they’re baaaaack.
6. Get Even More Readers! — Ploys for this endeavor cannot be done too often. Put the link to your blog as an auto signature stamp on your email. Suddenly become the best little email communicator in the world. This is like sending advertisements for your blog into their home without having to pay for postage. Volunteer to send out class emails for the teacher and help your boss out at work with company memos. People love romance. Email an invitation for your wedding to everyone you’ve ever met. After traffic increases on your blog, simply break up with that creep. Put a “How’s My Driving?” sign on your car bumper with your blog address instead of a phone number. Weave in and out of traffic. Do not discount the idea of giving birth to more children. They will grow up to be more readers for you if you increase their allowance.
7. Lists! — Nobody wants to read a plain paragraph anymore. So old school. Go back into all your old posts and convert them to lists. Anything you’ve written can easily be numbered, categorized, pro’d & conned or How To’d and it will instantly become fresh again. Didn’t your mother tell you to go through your wardrobe and sew on nice, new buttons to spruce things up? Don’t you put new knobs on your kitchen cabinets instead of refinishing them? Same thing here . . . “Bullets, baby!” And when you’ve exhausted making lists, by all means Compare and Contrast stuff. i.e. “How Marriage Is Similar to Divorce.”
You’re a Successful Blogger. Which Ones Will You Admit to Doing? Tell me in the comments.
If you enjoyed this, you’ll love my list of how Writing/Getting Published is Similar to Fifty Shades of Grey! Read it on the Huffington Post right HERE.
“Do not discount the idea of giving birth to more children. They will grow up to be more readers …” (AH!) You’ve crafted such an awful character in this post, lol. 🙂
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Sorry I didn’t see this comment until now. Thanks so much for taking the time. If you’re gonna have more kids, you might as well turn them into WordPress followers, eh? 😉
Stephanie
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Reblogged this on quirkywritingcorner and commented:
I’d probably do better if I were more computer literate. One of these days I’ll take those classes.
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I cannot believe I am just seeing this comment now! Thank you so much for the reblog and please forgive my lack of response. That’s shameful! Take care, Stephanie
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Reblogged this on Manifesto Web and commented:
Sempre utili avere multipli punti di vista ed opinioni altrui
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I actually read your whole post. It was quite funny! And do people really do the anonymous comment thing? When I started to blog three months ago, initial readers were my friends and family. Slowly they all dropped off and now it is my fellow bloggers. That was an interesting learning experience.
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Sorry I am only seeing your comment six weeks later! Thank you for taking the time. Friends and family definitely got their fill of me within two weeks and now they’re like, “Another blog? Uh….I have to go watch my paint dry. Thanks though!” GRrrrrrr. Thanks again!
Stephanie
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No problem! Nice to know that it not just my family and friends lol
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Haha, this is great! I’m glad to have stumbled on you today. Keep up the great work!
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How very kind of you to say and how extremely rude of me to not acknowledge! Just saw this today so thank you very much. Hope all is well!
Stephanie
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I enjoyed reading your post. I may try the tip about making lists.i not a consistent blogger. I think one of my problems is that I tried to make a blog promoting my art. However, my art is so interwoven with my life that I end up writing posts about travel and whatever seems important to me. Not sure what the people who follow me are hoping to read.
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Sorry I am late to acknowledge your nice comment. Just found it today! blog promoting IS an art, actually so you’re on the right track! Thank you again for taking the time to comment on a stranger’s (strange!!) blog!
Stephanie
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Reblogged this on WORLD WIDE WRITERS' WEB [WWWW].
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Thank you for the reblog and I am very apologetic that I am only now responding but I just saw this comment! Take care, Stephanie
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Also a good memory of posts you’v already put up!
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Yes that helps a lot! Hey, my sincere apologies for just now responding to this comment. I don’t know why but I just came across it today. How rude of me! Take care, Stephanie
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Reblogged this on This gal I know…M.I.A.
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I sincerely thank you for the reblog and I am sorry i am only now responding to this. I just saw it here and am bewildered where it came from dated April 5th! Thank you again, Stephanie
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How to do a lie detector test: Do Step 4
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Ha, true! So sorry for being months late in responding to this comment but I am only seeing it now. Thanks for reading and taking the time to leave a remark! Take care, Stephanie
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LOL its perfectly right! You are so very welcomee!
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And then just like Poltergeist . . they’re baaaaack. Best Line Ever. Fun Post. Happy Easter! Scott from Streetzblog.com
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Hey, thanks so much– that was kinda my fave too. Have a great holiday and good to “meet” you.
Stephanie
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Sometimes I can be speechless on the beauty of the posts.
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Well you weren’t speechless because you were nice enough to leave me a great comment. ;-). Thank you!
Stephanie
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Do I? 😶 . . .
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Ha! I may or may not be about to leave an anonymous compliment on my own blog…thanks for the tip! Hilarious post.
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Thanks for getting my quirky humor and also for taking the time to leave a comment. I may or may not be scrutinizing your blog now to see if you implemented these tips…. 😉
Happy Holiday,
Stephanie
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I like #3 that’s true. Visiting Other Bloggers and give comments bring more traffic 😉 .
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Yep– what goes around almost always comes around and thank you for visiting mine and most of all taking a moment to leave a comment.
Stephanie
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Wow, excellent advice from both your post and those making comments! Even as I blog not for profit, I still enjoy seeing how many people are reading my posts.
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Hi and thanks! I get obsessed with reading comments on other people’s blogs and sometimes it takes me longer to do that than the blog itself! Part of the reason is I pride myself on leaving unique comments and don’t want to repeat what someone has already said. So I am REALLY in trouble if a post has like a hundred comments! Bring obsessive can be exhausting. ;-). Thanks for commenting here!
Stephanie
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Loved reading this and all the great comments. Now I’ll trust my memory to recall these devious tips. 🙂
Happy Holidays to you all,
Dina, Klausbernd and our two Bookfayries Siri and Selma
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I love the term Bookfayries and their names!
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😊 … inspired by Siri Hustvedt and Selma Lagerlöf .. 😉 Lots of shiny fayriedust for you ✨💫🌟🌟✨
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I really love this post. It is very helpful.
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I am glad you got some tips amongst my strange humor!
Stephanie
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Reblogged this on The Life of Blogging.
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Reblogged this on International Book Promotion.
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Hi and thank you for the reblog. I have no idea why I never saw this before but I do apologize for the delay in responding. I hope you have a great weekend! Stephanie
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No problem. Have a great day.
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According to tip number 3, I’ve the ideal blog to subscribe to! 🙂 ‘… But only subscribe or follow extremely succinct bloggers…’
Pretty sneaky clever list.
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Ha! That’s funny. Thank you and great crossing paths with you in the blogosphere today.
Stephanie
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Reblogged this on Cristian Mihai.
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No clue why I am just seeing this right now but thanks a million for the reblog, Cristian. Hope you’ve been well. Stephanie
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Bwahahaha, this was AWESOME. I’m so glad you posted this on the BYB group. You have a new fan!
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Wow, thank you so much! Isn’t the BYB group terrific? I love it there and totally would have understood if Susan didn’t approve it. I really appreciate the follow!
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Blogging and growing one’s readership is a full-time job, and I already have a full-time job! 🙂 When I have time, I enjoy number 5, Bring People Back to Life! It can be fun seeing what they’ve been up to. Many times, I find they’ve stopped blogging altogether 😦
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Yes, my but people come and go so fast here (like Wiz of Oz!) and I hear ya about how time consuming this can become, if you let it! Thanks Timi.
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I really did love that peanut butter post! 😉
Great points all … now to maintain the work schedule, the blog schedule, the photography …
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Thank you! Yes – – time is the main thing you need ….sneaky or not!!!
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I do visit /comment/like other bloggers in return after they visit mine. Or I visit/comment and hope soon that the blogger will drop by my blog for a comment. That’s part of mutual giving /communication.
I admit that if another blogger doesn’t visit mine after several months of my visit, I just fade away as their reader. You’re right : blogger interactivity needs to be 2 way street/dialogue long-term.
Ok, I use lists within my paragraphs.
For more visits, I try to find useful/interesting, good photos to accompany each blog post. My posts are not very short so need to visually break up texts with photos. Some readers have commented on certain photos which I always welcome too since they come from mine or my partner’s digital personal collections that we photograph.
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This was a TERRIFIC comment. Each and every point you made. So sorry it took me a while to respond. That is great that you’re using personal photographs….I did not realize that.
Thanks so much for taking the time, Jean.
Stephanie
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Number #1. My millionth reader is slated for 2089, and the reason I will achieve it so quickly is because I am using 3 faces on Facebook—one for me, one for myself, and another one for I, so I got that one covered. #2. This one is a piece of cake, I’m always talking and answering myself. Doc say’s I should be out of this padded cell by 2089. #3. I’ll stop copying and pasting the first sentence, from now on. I’ll learn to compare and contrast stuff. i.e. “How Marriage Is Similar to Divorce.” 13. #4. I just wanted to congratulate you on your first post. I had no idea they were using a detour sign on BLOG TRAFFIC BLVD, Thanks for pointing it out I’ll use another street instead. #5. STEPHANIE YOU ARE THE BESTEST BLOGGER EVER, I BET GOD USES YOU FOR ALL HIS PRESS RELEASES! #6. I just told my wife I want more children and that I want her to start taking fertility drugs so that we can start over by first having octuplets. #7. I was thinking of compiling a list of 7 tactics truthful bloggers will admit to trying…I EVEN PUT IN AN 8th TACTIC— AN ABOUT PAGE FOUND ON MY BLOG which is called “In My Cluttered Attic”
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I even pressed the little star to emphasize how much I liked my own comment!
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HAHA! This was really funny!!!!
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This was all terrific stuff! You are SUCH a thorough commenter!! I really look forward to your comments just like I do one other special follower of mine. I would like to introduce the two of you. Meet Grace and find her here http://weavergrace.com/blog/
Tell her I sent you. It’s just a gut feeling hunch I have and feel compelled to act upon it! 😉
Hope you’re feeling better by the time you read this?
Stephanie
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I’ve actually taken a turn for the worse … I’M COMMENTING AGAIN. I think all the above was the NyQuil talking, but I can’t be sure, because I was really out of it at the time. Thanks for the well-wishes Steph. ;O). Oh … I will package myself and send myself to Grace. I hope she’ll sign for me, I’m sending myself COD. I pray she won’t despise you for this, in case I make a bad impression.
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Too funny, but I legitimately am going to have to try some of these, particularly #5 haha. I love reading other people’s blogs, but I barely have time to post on my own. I need to set aside time for both!
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Yes you do need to post more on your own blog!! Waiting with baited breath…..
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Bullets … and blogs. Bullets aimed at getting readers. Your advice is as good as your puns and wit. The False Prophet likes your style.
As for me, when I see a blog has more over 1200 words, I skip it. Being The False Prophet I would also like to point out that people should KISS more. KISS is what most blogs lack which prevents a lot of people from becoming regulars.
Keep on blogging in a free world.
– The False Prophet
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I suppose actually posting something on a regular basis helps too. 😉 I feel I’ve been so bad at that lately. So darn busy! *sigh*
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Yes it does help to blog when you’re a blogger. Come back to the blogosphere and fill the void, Michelle!
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Hehehe I’m trying!!! It’s 1:20 AM and I’m just now checking it. I’m so tired! T_T
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This is very funny and contains lots of good advice.
I blog daily. I think I produce good content and I do visit and comment on other blogs. In fact I always comment if I read something. Otherwise I feel like a stalker. And like I am wasting an opportunity to advertise my blog.
But I have to admit of my five kids only one follows and reads. Two read occasionally, two wouldn’t know what it was called. My husband sometimes reads and says “good blog” and I test him – did you agree with what I said about comedy cufflinks?
I prefer reading blogs to reading magazines – good blogs that is – free, individualistic and authentic.
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hi! That was very interesting for me to hear. I never thought about the stalking angle if you don’t comment. Huh. And Five kids – – what are the age ranges? I also prefer blogs to magazines and I think they are going to become a dying breed now that there’s such amazing writing online for free. Thanks for leaving such a thoughtful comment on the topic – – very appreciated!
Stephanie
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You hit home for me with all these. Now I don’t have to write this post. Although I have never done # 2. Didn’t know that it was allowed. Guess I could post something like this: “Uncle Bardie, with each post, you get geniuser and geniuser. Soon you’ll be the geniusest.” You think that would work?
Serially I do think that bloggers, who think that blogging isn’t work and expect to be successful, are in for a big disappointment. I spend at least two or three, and sometimes four, hours a week reading other bloggers, making comments, searching for bloggers whom I enjoy reading. One of the bestest things about being a blogger is the community. No matter how out one is there are always those who find their niche and build a following.
I do read all the comments on my posts. And give a nod in the commenters direction. I never take my readers for granted. I know how valuable their time is.
Several additions to your list I would add: When checking out a new blog and thinking about following, I look for consistency. Is the blogger posting often. By often, I don’t mean daily usually, although there are exceptions to this rule.I probably won’t follow you if you post one last month and three the month before and ten this month.
The second thing, and this is a big one, that will keep me from following a blog is either no About page or an About page that tells me the blogger is blogging about this and that and the other. There is no focus. I just don’t have the time for people whose content doesn’t speak to me. That doesn’t mean that I don’t follow blogs that are about people’s day-to-day lives I do. Especially if they have unique writing style. And I love blogs with great photographs. But if there is no About page, I am out of there.
I look on the About page as a mission statement for the blog.It should tell me what the focus of your blog is, not just about the blogger’s life. I once went to a blog and read a couple of posts and liked them. It looked as if the blogger was writing a novel. When I got to the About page, I got “I am a wife and mother of a boy and a girl.” I go to myself, “That’s nice. But what the heck is your blog about?” That blogger lost a potential follower.
It is also helpful if there is a picture or a meme or avatar of the blogger on the About page. It gives me a sense that there is a real person out there.
Any one who follows me gets a thank you if they have an About page.
A third thing is appearance. If the blogger makes me work hard figuring out how to use their blog, I don’t spend a lot of time. I just don’t have the time. Ikea is nice but I don’t keep going back to a store I need a map to get around in.
And, please, keep the ranting and raving to a low volume. Unless it’s funny.
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Wow– I really enjoyed this serious comment from you even though this post was mainly satirical. It made me look at my About Page and think it’s completely all over the map and not at all focused. I feel lucky that you are here…. Seriously Don.
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Yeah but your writing is so awesome.
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Okay, we’re being far too icky sweet now – – back to elbowing one another and seeing who can keep up with the jokes. 🙂 Last question – – It’s interesting what you said about Ikea and the map thing. Costco also operates on that similar business model. Do you feel the same way in there?
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I don’t need a map to get around Costco but there are times….
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I guess I’m doing it all wrong…I’ve only done one of these 😉
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Are we supposed to guess which one? Lemme see . . . I guess #6 and volunteer to help you pack for Costa Rica!
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I know!! I completely disabled anonymity comments to make it easy for personal friends/family and still nothing–everyone must own lotsa cats to get all those tongues. Thanks Joy.
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This was pure genius! I seriously hope I get to be the first one to comment here about how good this was. Love Peanut xox ❤
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Ha! Peanut yes, but smooth or chunky?
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More like wrinkled and floppy
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I might try #2 one of these days, haha! I’ve joined groups, read and commented but still not happy with the amount of comments I see. What’s frustrating is that I get a LOT more comments on my FB personal page. Friends/acquaintances read and write their comments on FB but never on my blog. I think they’re all shy or something. *sigh*
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I know, I really feel the same way! And it’s like I support all their stuff in real life, including going to their children’s shows and games, etc. I don’t think they get how important the support feels to us. I completely disabled anonymity comments to make it easy for personal friends/family to come here and still nothing–everyone must own lotsa cats to get all those tongues. 😉 Thanks so much Joy.
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Isn’t it weird how our closest friends/family have no clue about what we do? Even though we talk about it, share it, mention it, send them a link directly to their email…. sigh…
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I get more comments on my facebook as well and even when I hint that they could repeat their interesting, witty or profound comment on my blog itself – it goes no further. It is actually comforting and enlightening to learn that others like you, have the same problem. Thank you Joypagemanuel!
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I have thoughts but maybe I’ll save them for a post. The heart of it is I don’t think I’m a “real blogger” if the definition includes an insatiable appetite for high stats/recognition by following a formula. I’m a laissez-faire kinda blogger which translates as “fairly lazy”.
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Nah, you’re as REAL as they come. And certainly a consummate writer. This post was all tongue firmly in cheek, of course.
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Damn. I missed the visual. I should have known better!
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LOL, and I don’t LOL much. I’m too anti-establishment. So, how do I go about getting more readers as an anonymous blogger who tells no one in her real life about her blog? And miiiiiight be a cat, no one really knows.
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Nobody in real life knows about your blog? Is there a particular reason for it? See I actually kept mine secret at first too because it was exciting to have this online identity that I didn’t have to worry about REAL people coming in and going, “okay, we know her…..break it up!” But little by little, I started integrating the two people “Worlds Colliding!” (George Costanza) and interestingly I realized who I was online was also a very real facet of me. And my real life people needed to know her and accept her. Good god, I sure hope you’re not a cat because I really rambled on and on. Thanks for popping in here today!
ps. I don’t think your anonymity will have any influence on # of followers. I know many who prefer that and their blogs are hugely popular.
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I feel like my writing would change if I knew that everyone in my real life was going to read it. It might “stifle me” to be entirely pretentious. And I’m not everybody’s cup of tea, either. Generally, I’m loved or hated. If my mother in law knew half the stories I write about she’d choke on the stick she’s got rammed up her ass. Hmmm… Maybe I should start letting people in a little more…
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Oh, you know all the devious little tricks, don’t you!? 🙂
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How rude of me! I never saw this comment and I am only now acknowledging it. So sorry. Hope you have been well! Stephanie
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And I thought you really did find me brilliant !
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I was waiting for that from you, oh Brilliant One.
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I’m not a successful blogger lol I’m just a shocked blogger now haha
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uh oh! Which part?
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hah, well there were sneaky tricks there i had not thought of..grins x
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Laughing, but actually you have some good points here. I enjoy how you weave your humor into these types of articles. Number three reminds me of “Red Balloons”. Don’t get blogged down with all your fan comments I am looking forward to the next one.
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Red Balloons the song? Thank you.
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Not the song, keep thinking it’ll come to you.
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Pure genius here. Loved this post… and I read all the way to the end.
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And you will attest that you’re not me, right? 😉 Seriously, thanks and missing my visits to you – – my tumultuous life with six kids…..SHEESH! Nobody would even believe it if I blogged about it.
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I did one or all of these once or 15 times. But I am still not an internet sunsation. Probably because people think I’m so annoyingly nice from the picture and blog title. Oh well.
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Nice guys finish last. Why don’t you drop a few bitter sentiments during your travels?
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That does kind of make sense. Perhaps if I was a little more bitter, I would catch a few more followers.
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“After traffic increases on your blog, simply break up with the creep.” Best. Line. Ever.
I love that there is truly great blogging advice mixed in with the humor! In my short time as a blogger I have discovered my pet peeve is when bloggers expect traffic without visiting other blogs. I follow close to 300, and I try to read posts daily. I admit, though, to having dropped off on following some who never bothered to visit me back, Petty, but there you have it!
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Karen – – I did try to weave a few useful kernels in there but quite honestly….I read and implement all the legit tips and nada, so I figured it’s time to laugh about it a little. Thanks for joining me.
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Ah, the truth in humor. I swear to God at least half of my commenters don’t read the post, including the one who told me to have fun on my trip–the trip I said I wouldn’t be taking after all, in the body and headline both!
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No truer words! Now I know how my kids feel when they tell me I just nod and go, “uh huh, uh huh….that’s nice” after they’ve confessed they failed algebra.
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#3 Best. Paragraph. Ever.
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Marissa Jayne Bergen! Ha, I wrote that with you and Tom in mind because I knew you wouldn’t take it the wrong way. I get a little cocky with what I know however, so I’m off to visit you right now. 😉 I’m gonna have to catch you up on what’s been happening even though my FB reflects that life is a bowl of cherries.
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I don’t think I even know how to take something the wrong way! A bowl of cherries indeed!!
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The guy who replaced a window a few weeks ago commented on how much he liked one of my posts – the one about airplane gas. It’s very rare when two adults who’ve never met before can laugh like 10-year-olds again. That e-mail signature stamp works well. Great suggestions, Bunkie!
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oh! Until I got to the end of your post, I thought you meant you had plastered one of your posts on the glass windowpane. lol! I am not beyond that! Thanks, Roomiematie
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I’m a bit of a rubbish blogger actually, it seems. I think I’ll have to try some of your tips….great line about buying the smooth and creamy peanut butter!!! 🙂
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Rubbish blogger? You mean you’re printing off some of your posts and adhering them to public trash receptacles? I may have to try that too. 😉
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Hey, it may catch on. We might get a few followers out of it! 🙂
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HEY! Great blog post last week! Chunky peanut butter rules 😀
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HA! Good one, my friend!
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cracked me up – I am like a broken egg dropped from a large height onto the concrete floor. 🙂
Obviously I am NOT a successful blogger though!
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I love your analogy, Claudette (I am now going to go out of my way to say your name a lot) and am just glad I didn’t scramble you. And au contraire….you are just an honest successful blogger.
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🙂 I know of two others with my name in my State, and two in the rest of the world, Roy Orbison’s wife was called Claudette (he wrote song about her) and of course, Claudette Colbert. I’m sure there are many others, (I’ve just never heard of them) nor ever read that name in any story.
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Come to Quebec. Lots of Claudettes here! Dales? Not so much!
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Isn’t it funny how different places have “common” names. 🙂
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Indeed!
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