From Procrastination To ProBLASTination (Just Do It!)


procrastinateHave you heard that placing gym clothes by your bed will coax you into exercising first thing in the morning? Some magazine articles even recommend sleeping in your workout attire. I already have nightmares about The Treadmill and Elliptical Monster, so I can’t imagine waking up, glancing in the mirror and thinking, “Alright! I’m already wearing my shorts and sports bra. 24 Hour Fitness Center, here I come!”

Nevertheless, based on this theory of subliminal suggestion (where your brain gets primed to do the activity the object represents) here are some “unusual” ways you can get in the mood for stuff you’d rather not do.

10 Unique Ways To Motivate Yourself to Do Things You Hate!

  1. Wear a French Maid costume. Within an hour you’ll crave dusting all your knickknacks with one of those cute feather dusters. (Or else you’ll succumb to “His” sexual advances and your bedroom will get even messier than it already was.)
  1. Put on a little hat and badge like fast food workers wear. It won’t be long before you’re drawn into the kitchen, preparing food with rapid-fire efficiency. Beware of that same “Testosterony Guy” (from the French Maid scenario above) placing his order for a Quickie.

    -font-b-Fifi-b-font-font-b-French-b-font-font-b-Maid-b-font

    Let me at your Knickknacks !

  1. Make a paper airplane or try some origami shapes. After all that folding fun, don’t be surprised when you’re compelled to tackle an entire clean load of laundry from the dryer.
  1. Play Monopoly and lose. That’s right, let your opponents clean out your entire money stash — even the twenty-dollar bill you stuffed down your bra. This will entice you to pay your bills. And since it’s that time of year, you’ll be seduced into doing your taxes as well!
  1. Sleep with your toothbrush under your pillow. For added incentive, spread Crest minty gel on your cheeks, chin, and forehead for an overnight facial mask that’ll have you waking up inspired to get a cavity filled at the dentist.
  1. Spray on a little perfume or cologne. Spritz some hairspray on your tresses. Squirt some room freshener in the air. Aren’t these spray bottles fun? Now you can’t wait to Windex all the mirrors and glass surfaces in your house, can you?
  1. Underwear works wonders! Don’t you slip on satin panties under your work clothes and then smile at your secret sexual desires? So just swap the lace undies for Granny Panties — and you’ll finally go volunteer in a retirement home. Don a “G-string” and at last, you’ll take that guitar in for tuning. Or slide into “Little Mermaid” underwear and you’ll give your kids those swim lessons. There is unlimited PPP! (Potential Panty Possibilities)
  1. Watch all of Colin Farrell’s and Colin Firth’s movies. When writing, liberally punctuate with semicolons and colons. There you go! You’re now in the perfect frame of mind to schedule that colonoscopy.
  1. Scrutinize your head closely, looking for split ends or gray strands and yank them out. Not only will your hairstyle benefit, you’ll feel a sudden urge to go pull weeds from your garden.
  1. Press flowers between the pages of a heavy dictionary. Read the classic children’s book, Flat Stanley. Crush some garlic. Use a Panini machine. Alrighty, now off you go for your overdue mammogram!

    I'm suddenly in the mood for pancakes!

    “I’m suddenly in the mood for pancakes!”

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32 thoughts on “From Procrastination To ProBLASTination (Just Do It!)

  1. I think I have been going about this in the wrong way. Of late, I’ve taken to putting things next to my bed that I’d rather do. Recently I put next to my bed a television, some food, and my laptop. Soon I’ll be working on having a bank put in next to my bed so that I can count all my money. On the other hand, I wonder if that would motivate me not to get up?

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  2. lol… creative association or dissassociation, depending on how one looks at it, I guess. Although not sure what could ever inspire me personally to pull weeds. All great ways to get multiple tasks done, too!

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  3. Potential panty possibilities?! Ahahaha omg. Hilarious and witty, as usual! (For the record I do set my workout clothes out ahead of time….but prob not going to try the rest on this list!)

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  4. I wonder why I finally decided today was the day to re-reconcile my boss’ 9 page account after I found that mistake!! It must have been because I left my iPhone function on calculator and left it on my night table while I was sleeping!

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  5. I really ‘preciate your mentioning my G-string in # 7 but I’m afraid my guitar doesn’t need tuning. I have been planning on getting one. But I just can’t motivate myself. I have tried the other 9 things. Don’t help. Was thinking about calling a meeting of my P U group. That’s Procrastinators Unanimous for all you amateurs. We keep putting that meeting off. We were ‘sposed to have our annual election for officers this year. Fortunately we only do the annual election once every February 29.

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  6. Lol. The end bits were a big funny finish.
    Personally I like to sleep with sand in my shorts.
    It reminds/motivates me to clean the cat’s litter box. 🙂

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  7. Well now, I was thinking more of a six course meal of sorts. Slow an steady would be just fine. Hmmm, I now know where to get an extra $20, after spraying all that fragrance you may feel like passing out. I’d like to hear more about number 7. These are great. YOU have such a creative mind. Not so sure that would get one into the mood for a mammogram, and I’m sure the guys are thankful some crazy lady doctor has not come up with a penigram. Another terrifically funny article.

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