You may not realize it, but you’re a professional writer every single day. Here are ways to elevate the work you already do to get noticed and possibly garner yourself a book or movie offer!
GROCERY LISTS: First of all, always give them a title. Try “More Than Just Food!’ or “My Hungry Family: Must They Eat Every Single Day?”
Here’s my sample grocery list with a creative spin from yesterday.
- Bagel Thins (The greatest thing since sliced bread!)
- Loreal Preference Hair Color (ha! I’m not covering up gray. I’m actually intentionally dying my hair gray!) Click HERE.
- Chips Ahoy cookies (Can I fool the PTA into thinking they’re home baked?)
- Kitty Litter (Our cat died 8 years ago. Huh? Whoa…mystery….intrigue! )
- Milk (Forget “Got Milk?” How about “Got Milkshake?”)
- Ice-cream (Ahh, now we’re talking!)
MESSAGES YOU LEAVE AROUND THE HOUSE: Never discount any of these notes.
- “If you take a brownie from this platter, I WILL know. Even if you rearrange them. And don’t justify dark chocolate is now healthy for you so it can be for breakfast. These are for our new neighbors to welcome them!”
- “Please make sure door is closed so cat doesn’t get out. (And YES! Our cat has been dead for 8 years. But nobody seems to care that I just don’t want flies in the house.)”
- “Please Take Out This Kitchen Garbage Because Contrary To What You Learned In Art Class, This Is Not Surrealism.”
RECIPES: Especially Rock Cornish Game Hen, Buffalo Chix Wings or Grilled Chix Tenders ingredients. Hey, we’re talking Classic “Chick Lit!” here.
LOVE NOTES: Either to your significant other or to your kids. Copyright them! Try “You had me at Hell!” and “Love means never having to say, “I’m sorry but I hate calamari!”
MISC. SCRIBBLES:
- “Sorry I hit your back bumper. Can you call me so we can settle this for cash? My husband will kill me if our premiums go up”
- “Please excuse Zachary from P.E. today. I washed his white gym shorts with our red bath towels. Yes, again.”
- “Have a great day. Good luck on math test and please bring home the tupperware which holds the carrots you won’t eat.”
FORMS: They all count! Permission Slips, Insurance Claims, Sweepstakes Entries, Library Card Applications, Referral letters, etc.
- “Please pick me! I never win anything. I need this 3 day trip to Nevada because “Viva Las Vegas!” is my favorite Elvis song. If my voicemail is full when you call this number, please call back. My kids ramble.”
- “I give permission to my son/daughter to go on the zoo field trip on May 4th and to punch that Brandon Katz in the nose if he calls her ‘tuna breath’ one more time.”
- “To Whom It May Concern: This is a testimonial for Dr. Craig Spanky, OB/GYN. Do not hesitate to put your feet in his stirrups as he always warms his speculum.”
See? You haven’t been giving yourself the credit you deserve. You’re working overtime in the writing field. Now go take a well-deserved break!
For anyone who can handle my more serious side – – please visit me on the magazine XO JANE right HERE and leave a supportive comment if you like. It means a lot to me!
You’re a genius Steph!! I coulda made a fortune on a book deal or movie back in the day when I thrived on bits of lists here, there, everywhere. Although I spose I could just gather the little electronic post-its, google keep and Evernote notes – hmmm, yes, yes I could definitely do this. Thanks for the inspiration. Thanks for the giggles 🙂 heading over to the serious side.
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There you go – – there’s definitely a whole best seller book in your electronic post-its! Hey, thank YOU for coming over to XO Jane and leaving me that nice comment. Much appreciated, my friend.
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You’re welcome Steph, just wish your situation could be different but reading through some of the comments most are very supportive of you and I’m hoping you can find the strength to move on in whatever direction you choose.
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omg you crack me up, lady! The bagel thins on the list, the Viva Las Vegas! The bring home the tupperware full of carrots. Hah! I guess I write way more than I ever knew 🙂
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Thanks so much – – you my friend are definitely terrifically prolific with literary gems …just in filling out pediatrician forms alone!
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I love your idea of a love note ‘you had me at hell!’ Mine are more like, ‘don’t forget to take my Mum shopping, and pick up some tampons for me!’ Funny post. 🙂
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We always have major plot twists involving tampons, don’t we??! Thanks so much!
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It was nice of you to incorporate notes the kids came up with and put your name on. On OB/Gyn with the last name Spanky? Hmmm sounds kinky. If your a good little girl you get a chain. . . .that’s a KEY chain by the way. Messages around the house are my specialty. “If there is less than half a serving left, either finish it or throw it away.” Leaving it to rot does not constitute being polite. Perhaps you could ghost write some notes for me. Which would fit right it when you ask who did something and for some reason NO ONE did it. Oh, I get it, the ghost must have left the door wide open. Yes, the same one that left the note.
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I am real good with list. After all, I did write the Fifteen….oops, Ten Commandments. Sorry about the one on coveting. I really didn’t mean that.
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Really Don – – I’d love to see those hidden Five extra ones.
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11. Thou shalt not play with snakes.
12. Thou shalt not eat manna on Mondays and Wednesdays.
13. Next time thou gettest thyself into a mess like thou didst down in Egypt, thou shalt not call on Me.
14. Thou shalt make Richard Pryor an adopted Jew. That dude was really funny.
15. Thou shalt not bother me on the Sabbath. If you do, your petitions and prayers will go into the spam folder.
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You crack me up big time! #14 hahaha!
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Just doing my job. 🙂
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Look at you, so fancy! I didn’t know you redesigned. Love the new look! Are you happy in colder and less sunny weather? My son just got a tenure track position at U of Wash, so we’ll be bothering him in Seattle A LOT.
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Hi!! Yay you visited! Yes I was in Mercer Island, WA for a month in Feb and going back again in June for six weeks.Tenure track!! Wow. I love that whole area and yes, the temps and clouds are a HUGE reason why. Today was not so bad here. But I think we’re in for it again soon. Blech!
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As much as I love sunshine, I wish this drought was over! I’d be happy with clouds, fog, and rain.
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Well we got that again, didn’t we! Some good rain. And looks like cooler temps through this week! Happy Mother’s Day to you!
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Happy Mother’s Day to you, too! That unrelenting heat was getting to me; I’m enjoying the cooler temps however long it lasts!
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It’s all clear now, Stephanie…no wonder they want my autograph every time I walk out of SAFEWAY. It’s my blockbuster list that’s made me famous. Great post!
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That’s right Donna…don’t crumple them and throw them away. Mark the backs with an ISBN # and a price!
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I love this! Surrealism garbage, to be sure! I’m totally going to use that 😉
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Aww thanks. That was my proudest line.
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Never mind the writing, you hand out brownies to new neighbours?! I don’t suppose there’s any property on the market in your street is there?
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Cracking up!!!!
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You wouldn’t even have to bake them. I’m willing just to come round and lick the batter off the spoon.
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Lol! But THAT IS precisely why I do the whole thing in the first place! You don’t think I’m the Welcome Wagon, do ya??
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We could just bond over the beaters. It’d be perfect.
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I bonded with you ages ago GSM! Now I just wanna get into trouble with ya. Welcome to the block, Neighbor!
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Yes I have used that and doing the 30 day post I have used a few .. for FB awesomiznation ? Great post! =)
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hey thanks for popping in with this! I’ve never done the 30 day post thing! Appreciate it!
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Funny post! 🙂 Do comments count? I’ve read some comments that are like short novels.
My comments on the other hand are usually not long enough to qualify for a fortune cookie. 🙂
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Are you kidding? Your comments are regular Pulitzer Prize winners.
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You know, I actually sent one of those ‘go gray’ articles to my mother urging her to dye her hair gray. I thought it would be a great way to get an edgy gray color and then not have to deal with it again. She asked her hair dresser and, unfortunately, you have to bleach your hair to such an extent that it ends up feeling like straw.
Anyway, as for your excuse notes for little Zachary, how about for little Zelda? Send her in those and she’ll have an excuse for 5 days!! (Too crude??)
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LOLOLOL!! That was exactly why I changed it to a boy’s name. Only you Marissa….only you!!!!
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Oh goodness Stephanie! Not much gets past me, you know!
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