Nope! Let’s Party Like It’s 2015!


princeAs I retired party planner I can’t help but think up reasons to have a new kind of shindig or put a twist on an old standby. Here are some party tips you’re not likely to find anywhere else.

Host a Real Pity Party:  Hire a violinist. No napkins, just an abundance of Kleenex tissue boxes. Introduce guests to one another by saying, “Woe is me. Woe is not you.” Serve Itty Bitty Pity Patties with pity pâté and pull from your pantry some pastry for Petit Pity-fours for dessert. Make sure your appearance can be described as “Prettiful Pitiful.” Help all guests find the bathroom by putting a sign up saying, “Pity Potty!” Invite that newly married couple Patty and Petey, but don’t let them call you petty or pithy. Play, “It’s My Party and I’ll Cry if I want To.”  Hand out Silly Pity Putty as going home favors and of course lemons, admonishing people “when life gives you lemons, NEVER make lemonade!”

Forget “Take Your Daughter To Work” Day.  Have a “Take Your Husband to the Gynecologist” Day instead. Show him the competitive sport in this adrenaline pumping, heart-pounding next few hours. Can he hide his underwear inside his pants, then leave it in a wad on that germy chair (which many other females have sat on) while scurrying into a tissue paper gown before the doctor sharply knocks just once on the door, while barging in on him completely naked? Will he be coordinated enough to slide his feet perfectly into the stirrups without being told to “scoot down a few more inches” and then suddenly, “Stop! That’s a bit too far, can you scootch back up a tad?” Try out other versions of these special “experience a different job” days — How about “Take Your Son to the Bikini Waxing Salon” day? Or my favorite, “Take Your Avon Lady to a Tupperware Party?”

Do a Variation of a Tree-Trimming Party. This Christmas season, have people over for a Bush Trimming Party. Wince just a little when issuing the verbal invite.

No More “Come As You Are” parties! “Come As You Will Be” parties are where it’s at. Pretend it’s the morning after your big gala and tell your guests to come following their one-night-stand sexual escapade when they’re already completely hung-over. Saves a ton on alcohol!

Reverse Abduction Party! Remember being a teenager when your mother would get that phone call informing her to have you sleep in your best pajamas because you were being secretly “kidnapped” the following morning and surprised with going out to breakfast? Reverse this process. Gather teenagers up to wear waitress uniforms and knock on front doors of House of Pancakes employees to serve them omelets in bed.

Off The Wall Party! Recall 1994 when you moved into your new house and had a Painting Party with all your helpful friends? Call up all those same thoughtful people years later while lamenting, “How would YOU like to live with this Benjamin Moore Sage Green paint day-in and day-out? Do you really believe that’s considered a neutral color in today’s home fashion?” Tell them this time it’s BYOD (Bring Your Own Dropcloth) Serve Tanqueray, Tonic & Turpentine drinks.

A Housewarming Party!  Only turn the thermostat down to 52 degrees.

And finally…. Birthday Shmirthdays! Yeah, yeah.  Why should we only celebrate our way INTO this world?  Don’t you envy Tom Sawyer (and other soap opera characters presumed dead) being able to attend their own funeral? Word your invitation delicately. A “Passing Over” party might get misconstrued for the Jewish holiday, Passover. I suggest sending doornails out in advance to clarify the occasion. Put everyone else in charge of all the important details, then walk around glaring at people while accusing, “Who died and made you boss?” Play Buddy Holly’s “That’ll Be the Day . . .  When I die!” and when conversation turns to his fateful plane crash, get appropriately spooked and say you’ve changed your mind — this is actually a “6 Ft Under” Party.  As guests start to get super creeped out, reassure them with, “Relax, I just mean a swim party in the deep end of my in-ground pool. Turn on the hot-tub, order in pizza, inflate a few balloons and call it a day. Nothing wrong with being traditionally conventional!

What’s your favorite reason to celebrate?  And if you haven’t already read my very unusual ways to reveal the gender of your pregnancy at these quirky parties, please visit me RIGHT HERE on BLUNTmoms!

And since I love reader interaction, I recently had someone take me up on my prompt of writing a blog about the male version of Siri and all the issues HE would encounter.  Please visit Phil at The Phil Factor and read that post RIGHT HERE. Thank you!

23 thoughts on “Nope! Let’s Party Like It’s 2015!”

  1. Pingback: My Picks Of The Week #39 | A Momma's View

  3. Funny as always!
    There could be a “I refuse to be a party to that!” party.
    Folks could get together to celebrate the aloofness to various subjects.
    Of course this would play with the heads of people who may want to refuse to be a party of the “I refuse to be a party to that!” party. 🙂

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  4. Certainly a trend setter with those parties. I didn’t see the Do It Over party. If you could do it all over what character would you be. For those with so many kids you could have a Kid Swap Party, swap your lot with someone who only has one for a week. See if there ready for more kids after that awakening. Of course my parents favorite was having a Weed Party. We had the front and back yard weeded three times before the teens caught on and boycotted them.

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  7. Love it! Today was a real life party in my little world. My daughter turned 3. Her “big” party consisted of taking a super cool cake to church for the potluck and then, wait for it…(this is the good part)…she went to a COLLEGE PARTY!! Woot…ok, I didn’t take her to that kind of party. I’m a good Mom! (Plus, I haven’t been invited to THAT kind of party in a long time. *gasp* Am I oooollldddd???). Anyway, the few college students who attend church with us had been invited to my aunt and uncle’s for a swim party and cookout. They knew A) Monkey loves to swim and then B) Monkey’s birthday landed on the same day…so they immediately invited her! She was the start, of course. Best not-a-party birthday ever…even if it was only 73 degrees with a windchill of the mid 60s while we tried to swim.

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    • Oh how sweet is that! Is today her actual b-day? What a great age! Sounds like you have a bunch of great babysitters in those college church-going kids now that they’re totally smitten with your little “Monkey.” lol. Thanks for commenting – – always wonderful to see your icon on my blog!

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      • Today is, in fact, her actual birthday! One of the college boys, her favorite actually, is one that I used to babysit at church 15 years ago…now he’s 19 and watching my kid. I have to admit I teared up a bit…but then he jumped in the pool pretending to be SpiderMan and my daughter shot him with a water gun tube topped with a neon rubber duck and the moment passed. LOL

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  8. I like the ‘Come As You Are’ party theme. No reason to think of another outfit when you are clearly meant to be wearing the one you wore the night before. And think of all the awkward situations! I love it! Personally, though, I’m thinking of taking the whole painting party thing to another level and see if I can get the neighbors in to clean my house.

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