This blog has not been feeling well lately (mentally) so I took it to a very renowned, highly regarded Blogchologist for a few therapy sessions. It spent some time on her couch while she asked some leading questions, gave it the inkblot test, and then formulated her opinion on every aspect of its personality, including all the comments it has received in the 2.5 years of its existence. I thought I’d pass on her analysis of all your reader commenting styles. For what it’s worth.
The 10 categories and descriptions below are mine, but her feedback is in RED.
- THE OVERLY FAMILIAR COMMENTER – Calls me Lil’ Miss, Missy Meno, or just “Hey Steph!” Prone to mentioning childhood memories, inside jokes, sexual asides, or telling me last night’s dinner sucked. These are obviously readers who know you well in real life but are feeling neglected and like they must resort to commenting on your posts to have any significant communication with you. They also are rather possessive and want to make it clear to the rest of your readers that they (and ONLY they) are privy to whether your hair really looks that strange in reality. (I can confirm it does.)
- THE CLEVER COMMENTER – Leaves remarks so hilariously witty, my original post seems a tad boring in comparison. Says things like, “Little Miss Menopause, huh? Does that mean you’re taking a short break from guys? Men – Oh – Pause. Get it? Anyhow, I like your blog, but I’m hoping you’re not just some (hot)flash in the pan!” This type of commenter actually isn’t all that clever. They’re relying on silly humor, with the goal of emulating your redundant, insipid wordplay style so they might catch your eye as a possible future Guest Blogger on your site. They may even go so far as to leave some poison-pen writing in the hopes that you will fall deathly ill and they can log-in, (as you) and take your entire WordPress blog over. Why they would want to waste time doing this, I have no clue – but it might be an improvement.
- THE GENERIC WORDS COMMENTER – Always writes, “This was very funny. I liked it.” Even if I’ve written a meaningful post about putting my dog to sleep. Actually I analyzed your entire blog and not once have you written anything that could be called meaningful. Anyhow, this type of commenter feels sorry for you and is just being polite. Plain and simple.
- THE CORRECTOR COMMENTER – Their comments contain perfect grammar, punctuation, and are devoid of typos. They’ll point out that I’ve written “hear” when I meant “here.” Or that I lapsed into past tense when I started out in present. In short, if I want to hear from them, I need to screw up. Former English teachers or just extremely anal individuals with tendencies to not see the forest for the trees. If this is a parent and their child brings home a straight A report card, they’ll ask why there weren’t any A +’s ?
- THE TITLE COMMENTER – They’ll leave a quick remark pertaining only to the subject line and possibly the first sentence. Business-like individuals who believe time = money. They have a quota of comments to leave and you’re just another
cogblog on the wheel. - THE TIT FOR TAT COMMENTER – They keep track of the frequency and the length of comments I’ve left on their own blog, and then make sure they do something very comparable. If I get too busy, they get too busy as well. These Tits for tat commenters have longterm resentments regarding their mothers for not breastfeeding them as infants.
- THE COMPLEMENTARY COMMENTER – I can do no wrong in their eyes. Every word is a flattering adjective (brilliant & genius!) and the phrase “constructive criticism” sends shudders down their spine. You can spot these People Pleasers a mile away and often they will try to compensate for The Corrector Commenter by saying things like, “I didn’t find your changing from 1st person narration to 3rd person in the middle of a paragraph to be distracting at all.” They have a high need for approval and to be liked by every blogger they meet. Even someone like you.
- THE LINK-LEAVER COMMENTER – They’ll say, “That totally reminded me of this!” and then suddenly I have hyperlinks galore. It’s one thing if it’s pertinent, they’re proud of writing it, and they just want to share. But often it’s for monetary gain like for an online prostitute. Your writing could conceivably remind people of hookers, but it’s unlikely since your opening paragraph never has a good hook. Nevertheless, these are the people in society who will drop a piece of trash on the lawn with a garbage can two feet away.
- THE ANONYMOUS COMMENTER – They mysteriously creep into the comments section during the wee hours of the morning and end their cryptic remarks with “Guess Who?” These are the people who keep “Your Secret Pal” notecard companies in business. They’re the ones who donate to charities and need zero credit or accolades. They’re also the guys who put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp. And the ram in the rama lama ding dong. We see these people in our office around age 45 for an identity crisis.
- THE NON-COMMENTER – They’re out there because I see their names by the thousands on my follower’s list and they’ll occasionally venture out to click “like” on a post, but never so much as a “LOL” gets typed. They must be very shy. Shy? That’s the least of their issues. These are the most disturbed members of our blogosphere. Often repressed, suppressed, and fraught with sexual dysfunction. Or otherwise suffering from:
- Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (Adults)
- Bipolar Disorder
- Borderline Personality Disorder
- Child and Adolescent Disorders
- Chronic or Persistent Pain
- Depression
- Eating Disorders and Obesity
- Generalized Anxiety Disorder
- Insomnia
- Mixed Anxiety
- Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
- Panic Disorder
- Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
- Schizophrenia and Other Severe Mental Illnesses
- Social Phobia and Public Speaking Anxiety
- Specific Phobias (e.g., animals, heights, blood, needles, dental)
- Substance and Alcohol Use Disorders
Like I said, please take this analysis strictly at face value because personally I think it’s just a bunch of psychoBloggle.
And now….YOUR comments? 😉
Obvious | The Daily Post
https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/obvious/
Kim Kardashian’s handwriting looks furious, untamed and fake…it has tremendous rhythm. The long and heavy down strokes (on both K’s) convey an ‘I don’t care what anyone thinks’ attitude. No dotted i’s show that she prefers to get the big picture and perhaps later get a hold of the details. All of her oval letters are closed —one who does not reveal about her personal life too much—unless very close with the other person; additionally, this type of handwriting, round and slow (arcade) reflects the writer who often puts on a façade.
To see the images, please email [email protected]
Joel Engel is the author of Learn Graphology, Handwriting Analysis Self-Taught (Penguin Books).He can be reached at [email protected]
http://www.learngraphology.com
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Ha ha ha! Now I’m scared to leave a comment! 🙂
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You? Never!!
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This was full of gems. Curious about that familiar list must be entertaining to be part of that group. Quite a list you came up with, would that be profiling? You do have quite an array of followers or stalkers depending on the comments I’ve seen. Certainly will keep this in mind for my own blog.
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Hahaha, I like all types of commenters. Thanks for following my blog. Just to let you know that my blog has moved to a self-hosted platform and you will probably notice that you haven’t been receiving them. I still want to connect with you and hope you can join my feed called The ATG Press. The ATG Press will feature my latest blogs, news, competitions and giveaways all in one email per day. I am also planning on starting Blogger Meetups online to help Bloggers with ideas, strategies and to connect Bloggers with each other as well as feature bloggers like yourself in my communication with my readers so that people can hear your story and follow your blog. Do you mind if I can add you to my mailing list so that you can receive all this information? I send out only one email per day and would love to have you be a part of it. Please send me your email address in this comment or to [email protected] and I will add you to the mailing list.
Love,
Greta
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Hi Greta, love to be added.
Email is [email protected]
Thank you.
Stephanie
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I like the comment-ers that share their thoughts… I’m a lazy comment-er, though. If I don’t like a post I will not comment and not like. If I like a post and it triggers thoughts, I share them to a certain point. Usually I leave a “great post” if I really like the post but don’t really find the right words to write a proper comment…
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Hey, Steph. Just wondering if your blogchologist was a Freudian or a Jungian? This was very funny. I liked it. However I must make one itsy, bitsy suggestion. It would be preferable to follow each category title with a colon and not a dash. According to my Emily Post, it is preferable to use a dash to show a break in though or a shift in tone. You do know the title could use a bit of tweaking. Shorter is preferable than longer. I am quite hurt that I haven’t seen any comments on my blog lately. But I do love your blog. It is always spot-on. I do have to tell you this blog reminded me of something you said on this one: https://onceuponyourprime.com/2016/08/23/ill-take-you-right-into-the-danger-zone/comment-page-1/#comment-24240
I do want you to know this is not Don. I’ve hijacked his nom de plume. He would have commented but he wants to remain anonymous.
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Hey, STEPH… Your post is worth a purse! I must be #1! LOL!
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Thank you for NOT being #10 yourself. I thought I was losing my mind because this one drives me batty. I’m short of having to hire commentators for my blog. I mean, don’t folks have opinions about what they just read? They DID hit the Like button so I’m sure they read it. Nothing? Cat got their tongue? This sad generation of “Liking” has forgotten the beautiful art of commenting. I might have to add a pull down menu of emojis to get a feeling out of my readers. WordPress suggestion maybe?
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Emoji option!!! Brilliant! I honestly think it might come down to the hamster wheel we’re all running on lately? Often times I read on my phone (which is antiquated!) and have the good intention to come back later and comment on my laptop and then I get so busy. We can hire commenters yes, but now I’m thinking of taking it one step further, And just hiring a blogger too! ;-). (Thanks so much, I always appreciate your thoughts!) Stephanie
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If only I could comment using an actual pen, Stephanie, I would leave an actual inkblot on your blog and you could have your blogchologist analyze it. I fear she would have me committed. Love the post but I wonder why you focused on the commenters. Was it to avoid facing yourself??? This is a technique I have used for years so congratulations on pulling it off!
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Hi Molly – I would love people to leave comments in pen so I could analyze their handwriting…lol. Yes, you caught me….I love to turn my focus on my readers and not myself. I’m just TOO BIZARRE…nobody would get me.
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I often say ‘great post’ because that accurately describes the post. Great post!
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Commenters who simply say “great post” obviously are quite discerning and very classy. Sorry that I left that one off the list but you epitomize it, for sure. 😉
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LOL! Thank you…
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Guess who ? I Like your posts so that I leave my muddy footprint in your blog Steph. I comment to show that I exist as a sad single person with two cats who lives such a boring life. Statues have more fun. Your blog has nothing to do with it. It`s all my fault. I take the blame. Slap my wrist ! 😀 ❤
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Dear Ralph, my Blogchologist notes that commenters who compare their lives to statues are actually wild swingers who try to play down their seize the moment adventures so the rest of us aren’t envious. 😉
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Your Blogchologist is spot-on Steph. Your blog is the place to swing, that’s why I am always seizing the moment when following you 😉 …. hmmm!
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well I am wondering if you intentionally used “complementary” instead of “complimentary” just to see if anybody would notice?
anyhow – I have not dropped by your blog for a while – but glad to have caught this post – I think #5 happens with my blog – but with photos and where folks might only see the feature photo. I do not really mind because I assume they are scrolling the reader and I am glad they liked that image – I also knkw other readers have enjoyed the full post.
I think bloggers need grace with the variety of folks get have different MOs for blog visits – I despise the link leavers – unless it is a relevant share – which occasionally happens – I also get annoyed by the commenter who slathers on so much praise to where it is disproportionate to what was posted – hm…
I also think another top ten list is needed -(( should I keep writing to be that kind of commenter who fulfills 2 or 7 or who knows )) and I sometimes get annoyed when folks take their blog too serious – and forget to be hospitable – like if I missed one line they wrote and they reply back as if I am an idiot – (this happened with missing the note that Cone flower was also echinecea) and the lady was such a be- yotch- I will never go back –
I also hate when I visit someone’s blog and comment and they assume I am there soliciting for them to come and comment – I know it is reciprocal for some – but it does not have to be and commenting should happen because it comes natural – and maybe a post moved them to write – because not all posts incite a reply in all people – which kind of ties into #10- the non-commenter –
i actually have come to respect the non commentor because there are very different modes of “posting” “reading” and ” replying” – not all readers can (or should) easily shift gears from reading mode – and this is sometimes human!
moving from reading to instantly reflecting is not always easy or even fitting – or because of the way we chew on stuff – sometimes LOL or interesting is Adequate- or a like click is fitting – it is not always “shy” or the list u gave – ((ha!)) but it can also just be from duly enjoying being in reading mode!
sorry to ramble – but I have lots of thoughts on blog comments – and have seen junkies or the obligatory feel and it robs people of enjoying some aspects of blogging –
😉
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Wow, how much do I love this comment? Let me count the ways…. 1. It’s written free association in nature. 2. It’s your first comment here. 3. You caught the e and i swap in complimentary! 4. You know about that uncomfortable transition from reading(input) to commenting (output) and have respect for it! 5. It makes ample use of parenthesis! 6. It ended with 😉 to mirror my post ending the same way. 7. It’s astute. 8. I just loved the entire lengthy comment. Made my night. Thank you! Stephanie
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well thank you – and maybe next time I can start with “hey Steph”
((and for the record – I might have left a comment here in 2014 – but have changed emails or who knows – because it has been a while…)
thanks again and again – so glad to catch this post – I love your humor….
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Definitely next time open with “hey Steph” but maybe don’t say “tonight’s dinner sucked?” And I don’t know why I wasn’t following your gorgeous blog before but I remedied that now. Btw, love your In Memory page…. So lovely.
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well thanks for taking a look around – I actually paused this blog for a year to work on some different social media things – but started to post a bit again here this summer.
a post of yours that stands out to me still was the one where you shared about the call for bloggers to apply because a network was going to do a TV show – I wonder if that idea ever Happened ?
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Ohhhh right! Thanks for remembering that. I’m gonna google that right now and see if that concept ever came to fruition.
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Hmmm, well googled that and all I can come up with is Kim Kardashian is producing a reality show about Beauty Bloggers.
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ha! thanks for checking on that – Not surprised it did not unfold – but then again we do not know what takes off with these shows – right?
Hope u have a great weekend – 😉
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I’m the one that only leaves comments when I feel like it. How does your blog feel about that?
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I consulted my Blogchologist and she notes: Commenters who are erratic in their participation often are waiting for the blogger to come to their hometown and offer to buy them a pizza. 😉 Ps. And they are almost always bitter.
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Wow, that Blogchologist is pretty wise. About the pizza part especially. I just couldn’t wait anymore, so I got pizza today.
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Should I comment on this one? I am afraid this comment would identify. Haha. But whatever! I still commented. (now really embarrassed to comment, really!)
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You’re too cute! You blend right in with all the awesome commenters– in fact you lead the way. Thank you.
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How about a different kind of link leaver… The ones who leave links to their own blogs in the hopes you read them, or everyone else will. I think we should start charging them.
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hmmm, interesting. How much is link rent on your blog, Young Marissa? I’d pay it for that kind of exposure.
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Well normally I like to charge at least a million dollars but for you…gratis!
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I’m almost afraid to comment! If I start with, ‘Hi Steph’ I fall into the first category. There’s no chance of me ever outwitting you with clever quips and smart comments so 2 does not apply to me. But, in saying that, do I fall into category 7?
Fortunately, I don’t leave inane or generic comments, so 3 does not apply.
I once asked my tutor if she couldn’t help but put her critique hat on whenever she read emails from her students so I’m anti # 4.
This response gets me out of # 10 but I will confess I do suffer from anxiety with public speaking.
I have a sudden yearning to play my Grease CD – ‘who put the bomp….’
😉
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Wendy, you have ALWAYS been in a category all your own. Especially love your rhyming comments! I forgot to mention those for “The Blogchologist” to analyze. I’m sure she’d say, “Those types of commenters are rare indeed and you’re blessed when they come around.” And she’d be correct. Miss you! Hope all is well down under.
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I embody each of these commenter styles :p except the last 2 (luckily?). This was a really nice post. How is your blog feeling now?
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My blog is probably just suffering a classic midlife crisis, thank you for asking. It keeps on asking itself, “Why am I here? What is my purpose in life?” 😉 Oh well, every blog has their issues, right? She’s lucky to be alive at all. She should be grateful! And speaking of gratitude….very much appreciate you taking time to read and comment here. Take care! Stephanie
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