You better have a seat before reading this — in case you’re as shocked as I am. Or maybe not!  I’d love to take credit for creating this catchy warning phrase, but a quick internet search brings up headlines screaming the same sentiment for the past few years — like this one RIGHT HERE

Beware of the Chair!! But seriously? They’re asserting that you can never have puffed a cigarette a day in your life but (even with daily strenuous exercise) your chances of heart-attacks/strokes are the same as a smoker’s . . .  if you spend the rest of your time sitting.

“Sitting is the New Smoking!”

This gives new meaning to addictions and begs the following questions…

• If you have a problem with more than 4 sofas a day, are you a chain sitter?
• Should you gradually wean yourself off La-Z-Boy recliners, or just quit cold turkey?
• After good sex, how likely are you to have the urge to reach for a barstool?
• Can you tell by someone’s breath and smell on their clothing that they are a heavy sitter?
• Is it still legal for restaurants to have sitting and non-sitting sections in their dining rooms?
• If you’re a super active person but your spouse is a couch potato, are you being subjected to second-hand chairs?

She won’t be smiling when she’s charged a “Nicobean” tax for sitting on this thing.

But the real point is…

“This Is The New That!”

It started with our ages, “50 is the new 40.” And the television show, “Orange is the new Black.” Now anything is fair game. So here we go…

For Kids:

• Hugs are the new allowance!
• Bath tubs are the new swimming pools.
• Hatchimals are the new puppy under the Christmas tree!
• Cellphone Trackers are the new “Call to let me know you arrived safely.”
• Google is the new library.

For Women:

• 155 lbs is the new 125 lbs.
• Tossing & Turning and Night Sweats are the new gym workout.
• Gray is the new blonde.
• Nutella is the new breakfast of champions
• “You’re a jerk, I deserve better!” is the new, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

For Men: (a little throwback in time!)

• “Come over for a home cooked meal” is the OLD “meet you at Starbucks.”
• Opening car doors for females is the OLD click your remote keyless entry.
• A goodnight kiss is the OLD blowjob.
• A perfumed love letter is the OLD sexting.
• Sleeping on the couch after a fight is the OLD sleeping with her best friend.
• His Girl Friday is the OLD Siri.

Disclaimer: It is highly recommended when perusing this blog, that you be (at the very least) sitting in a rigorous rocking chair so you aren’t endangering your health with stationary sitting. Also nobody can accuse you of being “Off Your Rocker” for reading Little Miss Menopause. 😉