Therapist: Just to make it very clear — what happens here always stays highly confidential.
Colonel Mustard: Maybe we can write it on little cards and slide them into a sealed envelope in the middle of the game board?
Miss Scarlet: Oh will you just get a Clue? This isn’t about fun and games. That’s not why we’re here.
Therapist: Well maybe you can tell your husband the reason you ARE here, Miss Scarlet. What’s bothering you?
Colonel Mustard: Wait! Why does she get to go first?
Therapist: Check the rulebook. It’s right there in black and white. Miss Scarlet always goes first.
Miss Scarlet: Yes, that’s just the way I roll.
Colonel Mustard: Well this time, I’m making the first move. You’re just a little slut, wearing your slinky red dress all the time, with your long skinny cigarette holder. I see the looks Mr. Green gives you and I could just kill him for what he’s thinking.
Miss Scarlet: Did you hear that? You’re a witness to his threats.
Therapist: Please leave me out of this dangerous game you people play.
Colonel Mustard: Is it a crime to want my wife to be monogamous?
Miss Scarlet: When we go home tonight, we’ll sit down and talk this over in The Lounge.
Therapist: Wow. I’ve never known anyone with an actual room called The Lounge in their home.
Miss Scarlet: Never mind that. His fly-by-night behavior is for the birds.
Colonel Mustard: You leave Mrs. Peacock out of this. I knew you’d find a way to drag her into our personal affairs.
Miss Scarlet: You mean your affairs. She’s already very involved, I suspect.
Colonel Mustard: You should suspect. Because you ARE the prime suspect.
Therapist: Folks, settle down. My recommendation is you go back home and host a fun Murder Mystery Party. You know, your guests come dressed in costume, you put out lots of . . .
Colonel Mustard: Weapons.
Therapist: I was going to say appetizers.
Miss Scarlet: We’ll need a sharp knife for the cheese.
Therapist: My goodness, what’s wrong with you people? I think no matter how you toss the dice, it’s safe to say your marriage is over.
Colonel Mustard: The romance is dead. She killed it.
Miss Scarlet: You’re the one with the guilty conscience. You should turn yourself in; it would shorten your prison time.
Therapist: But if he goes straight to jail, how would I collect my $200 hourly fee? We could take a ride on the Reading railroad to a bank. Or you can take a Chance from the Community Chest?
Colonel Mustard: Can’t you see her community chest is already on display in that low-cut dress? Listen, I don’t know what game you’re playing right now, but deal us out. There are a million therapists in town. You don’t have the Monopoly on Couples Counseling, you know.
Receptionist: Sorry to interrupt but your next appointment is here, those two inventive male siblings.
Therapist: Please tell the Parker Brothers, I’ll be right with them.
This was the third in a series of shorts I am creating wherein Famous Fictional Couples see a Marriage Counselor. Stay tuned for more. And please leave me a comment if you’d like to request an iconic pair rush to a shrink!