What Would the Hackers Say??


photo-169Yahoo recently issued a warning for all us users to change our passwords due to compromised email accounts by Hackers. There’s just one problem. I forgot my password three months ago and the answer to my security question as well.  (Too many people knew that my childhood dog was called Ginger (big Gilligan’s Island fan) so I decided to be tricky and pick one of my favorite authors instead of a canine name. But now I’ve got brain-fog (Menopausal symptom #11, google it) over which writer I picked way back then.  I’ve already tried Hemingway and Fitzgerald.

Turns out you cannot change your password to something new unless you know the old one.   So the good news is, all I need to do is 1) CounterHack into my own account when the hacker is looking the other way or going to the bathroom 2) get my old password back 3) Reset it to keep him out for good.  Viola!

As you can tell by this post so far, I’m a “Hack Writer” so I think it’s rather fitting that I be one of the first people getting Hacked. However, If I’m not successful at a “Hackback,” (which is kinda like a Pingback?)  it’s because I don’t drive a hatchback and I never had a knack for Hackeysack, which is clearly a drawback, so just cut me some slack.  Having said all that, (and not very easily, mind you!) perhaps I can persuade my Professional Hacker to answer a few questions about my emails instead?  So Mr. Hacker,  if you’re reading this – – I just need to satisfy my curiosity before you lock me out of my account forever.

C’mon just tell me this much – – while you were poking around inside my Inbox, did you happen to notice if my novel got an acceptance letter from an agent?  Or if my old boyfriend ever got back to me about meeting for coffee to see if we could rekindle something? Man, this dog/author name thing is gonna drive me crazy.  Was it John Grisham? Anne Rice?   Dr. Seuss?

To be honest, I’m feeling highly embarrassed (and violated) thinking of hackers inside my personal email.  (you can glimpse some of my email here   My mother always taught me to wear the proverbial nice underwear in case of a car accident (imagine my mortification when I went into Victoria’s Secret as an adult, asking to see something lacy in their “Paramedic Panty” Line) and I was also raised to keep my room tidy or goodness knows, what would the robbers  say?  And I always made sure my diary was grammatically correct in case it fell into the hands of a snoopy English teacher. So you can’t really fault me for being worried about what the hackers would say? Wow! It’s on the tip of my brain….Was it Danielle Steel? Tom Clancy?

I imagine hacking is lonely work so they must do it in pairs.  I’d like you to meet, “Mr and Mrs. Hacker.”  Let’s listen in, shall we?

Mr Hacker – – Will you get out of her Nordstrom’s account and her high school reunion emails already?  We have a job to do – –  let’s just get in, get out, and get on with the identity theft. (rubs hands together)

Mrs. Hacker – – Shame. She never did lose those last 5 pounds to fit into this killer red dress. I don’t think I want to take on her name if I have to use  her height and weight on my driver’s license too.

Mr. Hacker – – Focus Harriet, Focus.

Mrs. Hacker (pouting)- – We never go out anymore.  Day in and day out, it’s just hack, hack, hack.  Hacking my life away.  I shoulda listened to my mother and married the Virus Creator Guy.  At least then I could have put my romantic flair to good use writing that “I Love You” attachment that messed everyone’s hard drive up.

Mr. Hacker – – Stop giving me  flack over this hack and stay on track.

Mrs. Hacker – – Honey,  you know I always have your back.

Mr. Hacker – – Then don’t be such a yakker, put down that graham cracker, and get to work,  you Slacker Hacker!

A Hacker Snacker!

A Hacker Snacker!

Mrs. Hacker – – Oh look, her Visa bill shows weekly therapy and massages. That’s the life.

Mr. Hacker – –  Wow, Six kids?  What was she thinking? No wonder she needs therapy and massage.  And who has a childhood dog named Stephen King?

Mrs. Hacker – This is one bizarre chick. I just went to sabotage her Facebook account but all she does is post about the weather.

Mr. Hacker – – Yeah, and look at her WordPress blog.  I thought we might have a little fun messing up her settings and putting up some ugly headers, but she’s done a great job  of that all on her own. Look at that hideous purple feather thing.  Geeze.

Mrs. Hacker – – Look, she’s got 85 photos of the same parakeet, she’s planning her own surprise birthday party on Evite , even rsvp-ing to herself, and her bucket list has “Get Freshly Pressed” listed at the top of it.

Mr. Hacker –  A Dry Cleaning/Ironing  obsession?   Dang, these Yahoo Users get weirder every day.  Next thing you know, we’ll come across a rough draft for a story about a married Hacker couple.  From now on we stick with Google subscribers.  C’mon Harriet, let’s get the “hack” outa here.

Footnote:  I finally changed  passwords  on my “Mac.”  Had to “rack” my brain, but now I guard it safely in my “backpack.” I won’t divulge it, but let’s just say no “Quack” should be able to “Hack” me again.  I’m tired and gonna hit the “Sack.”  😉  But please scroll down to Comments and leave me your best “comeback!”

Never let a Big Mac Attack sidetrack a good Hack.

Never let a Big Mac Attack sidetrack a good Hack.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/02/02/daily-prompt-groupthink/

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65 thoughts on “What Would the Hackers Say??

  1. Pingback: An Open (Mopin’, Copin’, Gropin’ & Hopin’) Letter to the Internet: | Once Upon Your Prime. . .

  2. Hormone medications combine the hormones estrogen and progestin through oral contraceptives or
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  3. Before I google ‘Brain Fog Menopausal Sympton #11’ and end up lost for hours wandering in cyberspace finally coming to a bleary-eyed full stop on pinterest while realizing I have just pinned a recipe telling me ‘How To Cook Perfect Oatmeal’ (with enticing picture) I want to tell you how very, very funny and spot on this post was. What a perspective you have!! ‘The killer red dress’ goal…? Keep us updated on that one! I love the idea of hackers getting ‘distrackted’ (sorry, it’s your fault) by their victim’s information…(I’ve never been hacked, but if ever it is so, I hope they enjoy their Perfect Oatmeal, and remember to use the suggested organic strawberries for a perfect finish.)

    Liked by 2 people

    • Really this was the most perfect, intelligent, clever, hilarious comment! You could make a good living at this– can I hire you to visit old posts and leave detailed, appreciative remarks? Seriously, so glad you floated in here– you must have been swimming around The Daily Post waters today?
      Take care,
      Stephanie

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yes, I was indeed at the Daily Post today, where I found the reminders to floss and change my underwear and passwords daily a bit numbing. (but thanks, mom, I love you) When I saw your link I clicked it with a sense of relief, wonder, and escape. :o) Late to the party, as usual, tho….

        Like

  4. I checked on my yahoo account and couldn’t get in. So, I reset my password…or tried to. I entered MANY new password possibilities, and kept getting the response that they weren’t secure enough. Finally, it told me that my account was locked because too many login attempts were made. I called the Help number. I left my number for a call back. When they called me back, I was on hold for 30 minutes and then I gave up.

    While I was waiting, I read about the hack attack. I read that yahoo alerted their customers by text message. That worked well; they overlooked me.

    No kidding that yahoo was lax on their password security. They let me use a stupid 4-letter word. I didn’t care; it was just an obsolete email account, not linked to anything else.

    While I was trying to reset my password, they used my cell phone for identity verification a few times, and then they disabled that option. Next, I used my “secret questions”. You know what bothers me about secret questions? When we have to pick from ones like what is my favorite author, movie or place. like yours, mine change all the time. My memory even changes of who my best childhood friend was, or who my first boyfriend was. The other day, I had to change my password for a bank that put in a new “highly secure” login system. Several of the secret question choices were like what is the first name of my oldest daughter and where was I married. That’s secure?

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  5. I’m feeling dim. I got to the purple feather thing before i recognized the victim! You should have heard me burst out laughing! I had to rewind. You are so good at revealing yourself mercilessly and getting us to laugh along. We all love you, you know.

    Like

  6. Pingback: The (Almost) Arrest of my Freshly Pressed Houseguest (In Jest) | Once Upon Your Prime. . .

  7. Pingback: Daily Prompt: Groupthink | Nola Roots, Texas Heart

    • Ohhhhh Donna (wait, you must get that Richie Valens song thrown at you a lot , right? Next time I’ll think of a way to work La Bamba in!) But the answer is, No….you cannot go too far here. Especially when giving me a compliment. It shall always be met with an enthusiastic “Thank you!”

      Like

  8. Pingback: The Shot into the Light from Victoriana | litadoolan

  9. You have a knack for wordplay, almost as if you have a stack of rhyming words in your backpack along with the password that no quack can hack.
    A toast to this awesome post, truly funnier than most!

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    • So very kind and clever, Siddharth Singh
      What other compliments can you bring?

      Oh wait, I can’t ask – I must stick to wishing,
      Otherwise that’s what we braggarts call fishing!

      Seriously, your support here is much appreciated. Especially the time of night you tend to come around!
      Stephanie

      Like

      • I come not, in the cold, dark night,
        for in my country, it is morning,
        it is warm,sunny and bright,

        my humor is light and my wit is trite,
        so you may stop wishing,
        I doing what just seems right.

        I tell you Miss Pause,
        You have no cause for fishing,
        This blog is as awesome, and funny and interesting,
        and so it always was.

        :P… Your rhyming has inspired me to write poetry… LOL,
        but seriously your blog is fun! 😀
        The only reason I first commented was because of this line “You’re wondering if you have anything to say, right? Trust me…you do!” and it has led to happy conversations 🙂

        Like

        • That was GREAT!! And I love the Miss Pause thing. Miss Pause is almost cause for a name change clause!

          And will you stop with the “my wit is trite” stuff…I’m the only one allowed to put myself down here – – 😉 But I know, I know, you were going for a rhyme with the words “light & right” so we need to edit that to say, “my wit is bright!” Of course!

          Words are fun to play around with and you’ve been a fun participant to indulge me.

          Now – – any advice on the insomnia matter? What time is it in your part of the world, anyway?

          Stephanie

          Like

          • I assumed you wouldn’t respond as quickly as you did, after all it is about 1:15 in the middle of the night there, however, it is quarter to 12 in the noon here…

            If you do plan to get any sleep,
            you might want to turn off all distractions,
            they amuse us such
            and make forget the time and lose all our tractions,
            so say good night and turn off the light,
            else tomorrow you’ll weep,
            and fight and claw,
            and scream and screech
            “I didn’t get any sleep!” 😛

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            • VERY funny!! However…

              You needn’t feel any pressure to always rhyme
              Your prose comments are welcome any time!

              Oh and one more thing, Kind Sir – – it is only 10:40 here right now. My insomnia question was in preparation of what I know always happens around midnight!

              But your advice is solid & on the spot
              I should follow it, I know I really ought!

              Like

            • Nope. California! And why oh why are my comments getting narrower and narrower? My last little rhyme didn’t even work out because how the margins broke it up. Soon it will only fit one letter per line and my comment will turn into a word search!

              Like

      • You just need to reply to earlier comments to get back from the indentation. Like right now, I’m replying to your comment you made to my first comment…
        … the more you know… 😛

        Like

    • Well, you have lots of tricks, doncha?! Luckily I like to play Musical Comments. Plus this is increasing my views before midnight kicks in…. 😉

      Since you’re sooooo smart, maybe you can answer a question – – in this Hacker blog, I tried to link to another prior blog about emails and the only way I could do it was with this ugly long link that I cut and pasted. But in other people’s blogs I see that they do it in a cool way with just one word that you click on.

      Do not feel obligated to answer this, especially if you don’t know. I tried reading the directions and doing EXACTLY what it said, but alas, it didn’t work for me. Not really a surprise!

      Like

        • Wow!! You are really fantastic! As you can see in my post, that helped me a great deal! I got a lot further than I ever did on my own before with this task. (the word is even a blue hyperlink!) The only problem is when you click on it, it says it’s a problem and it won’t connect. I’ve tried redoing it three times to make sure I had the correct link and still nothing. But I am quite happy that I made a lot of progress now! Thank you. Maybe it’s just my stupid laptop. What happens when you click on the link? Oh wait, you’re probably very busy going about your day (I forget it’s not dark there) and some very odd girl is wanting you to click on links and report the results back to her. (somehow I see a humor blog coming out of this!!) Thanks again for trying with me – – you are very patient.

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      • I clicked your link and well, it doesn’t open the page you wanted to link. I think, instead of copying and pasting the link to that page, you typed the whole line manually (I’m pretty sure you did 😛 ). The link doesn’t work because you missed the colon ‘:’. Your link starts with “http//thequotegal… ” and it should be “http://thequotegal”. Add the colon after the “http” and you should be just fine.
        Happy to help 🙂

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  10. Another good technique is to misspell a word but that usually confuses ME. Very funny, one of the names that came to mind was A. Hitchcock which would be fitting to have a twisted ending to the hacking experience. I am sure there is a meet up group for folks like that, not sure what they would call themselves, maybe you have a name?

    Like

  11. Pingback: Daily Prompt: Group Think | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss

  12. Pingback: Eavesdropping | Edward Hotspur

  13. Pingback: Once a coffee morning… | A mom's blog

  14. Brilliant! You are like a new Tine Fey!!! But not nearly as fast paced. Which is wonderful, because I am much too slow witted for her. I had to watch a 30 ROCK episode several times before I understood all of jokes. “Obsessed with dry cleaning” and “85 pictures of the same parakeet.” I LOVE it!

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  15. Hello….I am sitting here crying after a horrendous night of watching my daughters heart break and you have managed to bring a smile to my very tired, devastated face. For whatever reason, this just struck me as hilarious tonight and I thank you from the bottom of my broken heart for the much needed pick me up. You are a riot! ❤️

    Like

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