Disclaimer: I simply could not resist co-blogging with this man! He probably doesn’t even know I exist, let alone that I impulsively joined forces with him, adding my own tongue-in-cheek commentary to his profound, serious advice. I think we’re a good blog team, no? So here’s a very good-natured post from Mr. James Michael Sama, (a highly intuitive, renowned writer on dating, relationships, motivation and success) and here I am – – adding my (older) female point-of-view. Original post here. If you don’t already do so, Please follow his blog. His original text is in black font below, while my older (see how wrinkled and exhausted my words are!?) womanly input appears in red.
Take it away, Mr. Sama . . .
I know, man, you’re not really into the whole “prim and proper” thing. Your girlfriend enjoys fashion and dresses nicely but all you think the red bottoms on her shoes mean is that she walked through some wet paint. Actually more like we walked through some wet blood, (yours?) after you inferred it was just some red paint on our $1500 Louboutin shoes!
Not every guy has an appreciation for style or fashion, but what they should have, is an appreciation for their woman, her interests, and the efforts she puts forth. No truer words! If you pay just a little more attention, it will show her that you care enough to notice the small things. But what’s important is WHY you are paying us the attention. If you have to be instructed to do it by some smart, hot hunk named James Micahel Sama, (who writes great blogs!) well – – we’re gonna wish that we could pay HIM some attention. It always comes down to the motivation, guys.
Her makeup probably matches something. Her makeup matches her mood when she woke up that morning and put it on. Do you see the “I’m ready to take on the world,” mascara? No? Neither do I. How about the “It’s Too Damn Early for Rosy Cheeks” shade of blush? There ya go!
However, if the sun is about to set and she’s reapplied some makeup (gentlemen, don’t expect both this AND dinner too!) then all that goop will now match the emotions she’s hoping to elicit from you during your night together. Is she looking sweet and innocent? (soft, muted pastel tones) Probably not the night to try tying each other to the bedposts. Stick to hugging, cuddling and baking cookies. (Let her lick the bowl with those childlike eyes. Well, give her a spoon, actually.) Look closely (not too closely!) – – is there a bold lip-color or well-defined brow going on? She means business and wants to be taken seriously. Let her sell you some real estate or stocks and bonds. Make-up smeared, with haphazard application of smoky shadows? She wants you thinking about just HOW she got that disheveled look…tumbling luxuriously between the sheets like a vixen, no doubt. Or could it be thanklessly toiling over the toilets, scrubbing floors only to have them thoughtlessly re-footprinted by the people that make her life a living H$%*. . . oops, wrong blog!
If you guys are going out to dinner and she’s wearing, say, gold accessories – it’s likely that her eyeshadow or tint of her makeup will be some version of gold(ish) as well. Or this could be your very first tip-off that she’s a Gold Digger and you’re about to become her King Midas. Careful with the “Golden” themed girls, Men. There will probably be some correlation between the color(s) she chooses and the rest of her outfit. Which will be especially interesting for you in public if she’s wearing polka dots, stripes or animal prints that particular night.
Since she is clearly putting effort into this, it’s a nice thing to notice and compliment her on to let her know you’re paying attention. Actually most of her effort in putting on makeup is so you will NOT notice it at all. Especially the “older woman trying to age gracefully.” Please don’t remark that she did an awesome job covering those crows feet and furrows. Or, “Ya know something? You don’t look nearly as haggard tonight. Send my regards to Maybelline!” Only point out the sheer, radiant beauty of HER essence shining through. I know, I know – – Could anything make less sense? We women enjoy diligently putting something on our faces (and taking our sweet time doing it) so that it will disappear, like we aren’t wearing a stitch of makeup at all. Just sayin’ – – complimenting her actual makeup could go over just as well as remarking, “Stunning Girdle you’re stuffed into tonight, Babe.”
Bonus: Her eye makeup is probably applied in order to bring out her eyes and make them pop. Notice. Yes, try saying this to her – – “Love how much your eyes pop tonight, Gorgeous. Kinda makes me crave Rice Krispy cereal – – snap, crackle . . . POP!” Utter these few words and she’ll be all over you in minutes. Emphasis on “all over.”
She got a new purse (and it matches her shoes).
Her purse, or clutch, will always match her shoes. Sometimes her purse will match your wallet. This is a subtle, subliminal suggestion on her part that your finances should become “One.” What’s yours is hers and what’s hers is also still hers. Nifty, huh? Now, match doesn’t always mean blue and blue, it could mean they correlate somehow or share a certain print, pattern, or the like. Use your visual memory and at least ask if something is new if you don’t think you’ve seen it before (make sure though, because if you have seen it, she’ll know you didn’t notice). Ah, ah, ah – – tread lightly here! If you ask her if something is new and not only have you forgotten that you’ve seen it before, but you are also the one who picked it out for last year’s anniversary present – – you won’t stand a chance. Another caution: If we’re asked if something is new, our guard automatically goes up because we sense the next question will be, “How much did it cost?” Therefore, everything we wear will be, (without fail) some old hand-me down rag from our sister. Even if we don’t have a sister.
Keeping in mind that the purse will go with the shoes, it’s usually a safe bet for a compliment when she’s dressed up. But watch for those tricky girls who carry a purse that’s shaped like a shoe. They’re just waiting to “trip you up” in the compliment game. You might try saying something like, “Wow – – looks you have three left feet tonight, doncha Honeybunch?” Put your own running shoes on right before you say that.
She got a haircut.
Sometimes a girl will just need an inch off the bottom or a trim to clean up her hair, it might not be too noticeable but usually it’s not too difficult to tell if a woman is fresh out of the salon. Sobbing over how the stylist didn’t listen to her is usually a big tip-off. I’d actually steer clear from this topic. Similar category as make-up. Just tell her she is beautiful and be done with it. Note the wording in that sentence. She doesn’t “look” beautiful. She IS beautiful. Keep stressing that it’s her inside loveliness you are drawn to. You don’t have to be able to pinpoint the exact change, but asking if she changed her hair leads you into one of two situations:
1, no I didn’t. Your response: Oh, well, it looks really nice today/tonight. Hopefully you can say, “it looks really nice this morning,” because you’ve been with her overnight?
2: yes I did. Your response: Mental victory dance. Followed by, “And how much did THAT cost?” if she was foolish enough to admit to anything more than going to a Supercuts chain store.
Her mood is off.
Man, this one isn’t so small, is it?! This one is sooooo NOT small that it probably should have been listed first. Actually it should have been his title. That’s it, men! Write a post called, “Her Mood is Off” (Subtitle: And Now MY World Has Gone to Hell in a Hand Basket!) The majority of communication is not verbal, and while this goes for all aspects of life it’s especially true when you’re in a relationship. The adage “it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it” (or how she growls it) comes to mind, and guys should pay attention more to how a woman is acting rather than what she’s saying. That is correct. You must become highly proficient at the game known as “Charades.” Although, chances are she won’t give you overt clues like holding her finger up for the 1st word, (well maybe just one certain finger!) and announcing to you the # of syllables in her emotions. Nor will she pantomime the universal sign for, “It’s a Movie Title, Stupid.” But if it WERE a movie title, it would be, “It’s Complicated!” You’re just supposed to automatically know that she was earlier insulted by a catty female coworker, her stocking has a run in it, and if you touch her anywhere near her mid-section after she thinks she ate too many mashed potatoes (don’t you see that yellow police Caution tape “Crime Scene: Do Not Cross!” strategically placed above her knees and below her chin??) the entire night will be romantically shot and killed. And you, Kind Sir — YOU will be the alleged culprit.
Often times she’s not going to tell you something is wrong or that she wants to be comforted – but you should pay enough attention to be able to tell. You can’t really ever go wrong with “comforting” her. Study the many forms this can take! Consider putting See’s Candy or Godiva Chocolates on autodial. You never truly know a woman until you understand the things she’s not saying to you. Ah, the underlying theme, premise and moral of this entire post! Presumably if you’re on this blog, you’re an avid reader? Well just look upon your woman as a favorite and most cherished book – – (and hopefully a Best Seller) knowing that there’s much more to her than meets the eye, and you MUST learn to read between the lines in order to stay on the same page.
She got her nails did. (Well now, that’s pretty darn cute what he just did there with the wordplay. Females, (especially female writers) adore wordplay! Try it out. He pretty much just “nailed it” for me with that one right there. I could care less what he says about my polish now. But let’s just see, shall we? – –
This one is easy. Were her nails chipping last week but now they’re fresh, smooth, and a different color? Notice – and say something about it. (Don’t search for matchiness here! It’s really whatever the manicurist flaunted as the latest and the greatest. Women do their nails for other women’s entertainment. ) She spent time and money (and it wasn’t Your money. It was Ours. Remember?) freshening herself up (I’m loving the “freshening up” verb here. Be careful with it. It implies she was quite stale prior. Rotting, even.) and it should be recognized and appreciated. Recognition and appreciation runs both ways. She should know this already. If she doesn’t, don’t hesitate to get yourself another gal, no matter how well matched her accessories are – – Her heart needs to match her brain.
She’s wearing a different perfume. (I am not sure how the above graphic depicts wearing a specific fragrance, but perhaps soon the internet will feature “Scratch n’ Smell” photos and you can take a real life whiff of the lovely female pictured above, clad in her achingly too short dress. Still thinking of perfume, guys? I doubt it.)
Studies show that smell is actually one of the most retained things in our memories. This is true. It can probably go back to pre-birth, but rarely should you tell a woman she smells like amniotic fluid. Anyone who catches a whiff of a certain scent and is instantly reminded of an ex boyfriend or girlfriend is aware of this. If you “sense” something is new, mention it to her. Make sure she hasn’t just been cleaning or cooking. (we’re in a never-ending state of either activity – after all, right? Of course right!) but if it’s the latter, you have just found your next gem of a compliment. Actually, nevermind. “Being this close to you and inhaling deeply, I just know the roast chicken with dumplings will be delicious,” is something that will flatter no woman, Ever.
She looks beautiful when she wakes up. If this is a new relationship, you would do best to feign sleep (soundly) for two extra hours, giving her the chance to hit the gym, shower, shampoo, (rinse and repeat) blow-dry, curl lashes, reapply negligee and climb seductively back between the sheets with that “just awakened” look; as you greet her with “Good morning, Sleeping Beauty,” of course. That’s the way to get “a little early morning somethin’-somethin’.”
Sometimes, early on in a relationship, a woman won’t even let a man see her without makeup for fear of (for lack of a better term) “ruining the illusion.” Written on your woman’s mirror (in lipstick) is the proverb, “He who shatters the illusion, will pick up the pieces Forever!” No it’s not, but wouldn’t that be a good fortune cookie from Confucious? The truth is, women often look beautiful when they wake up, even when they don’t think so themselves. Again, This is one GREAT guy writing this blog! There is a serene, angelic innocence to those first few moments of the day and the fact that she’s not wearing any makeup has nothing to do with it. Oy! Just learn from this man, ok? He melts me.
Make sure the woman you wake up next to knows that rolling over and seeing her face, puts a smile on yours. I have nothing to add to these genius words.
The small things that you do and notice in a relationship are often the things that matter most, because they show you’re willing to put effort in and pay attention, just because. There is no expected reason or special occasion, but just because you care. Who cares if this came from Hallmark originally? (but I’m sure it didn’t.) Let this sink into your core.
And coming up – – the perfect way for him to end his blog. I won’t mar it with any of my comments and/or playful sarcasm (or scarcasm!) afterwards. I want James Michael Sama’s wise words to be the last we read. But more than anything, I want to retain this profundity in my memory banks, forever. After all, it’s vastly more important than how my perfume smells.
Notice the small things, because someday you will look back and realize that they were the big things.