NEVER Throw Yourself a Bawling Birthday Party! (plus Text Eavesdropping!)


Bowling or Bawling? What's the difference at this point in the game?

Bowling or Bawling?
What’s the difference
at this point in the game?

Disclaimer:  I admit it.  It was not an accidental typo.  But “Bawling/Bowling?”  Who cares.  I’m probably going to do both this weekend.   The bottom line is when you’re over age 10, apparently you should never plan your own celebration.  Even if you clearly state, “No Gifts.” And EVEN if you’re turning 50 and a previously scheduled surprise party was accidentally ruined.  Okay, okay, you ruined it by being too nosy (read HERE) but STILL.

Let me backtrack.  Here is the invite. photo-237 By the way, even though you can’t see the bottom part, it clearly says, “No children, please.  But Adults who “feel” like a kid are especially welcome.  Let’s just have fun!” Then it elaborates that it will be casual, food, drink, bowling and mentions “catching up with old friends – – walking down Memory Lane at a Bowling Lane.”  Clever, right?  I thought so.  Then I made the RSVP responses with bowling puns, which were rather witty too. (If i don’t say so myself.  Boy, when you kill that Inner Critic voice, you do become rather cocky!)  The RSVP card went like this:

RSVP PLEASE!

Yes!  (I’m ready to Roll)

Maybe  (It’s a Split, I’ll let you know very soon)

No!  (Can’t Spare the time, sorry.)

Now, a question for you.  Anywhere above, do you see the following response?   “I’m a Mystery Guest.  You will NEVER know if I’m coming, or if I even got this invitation at all.  Have fun.  That’s my birthday gift to you.  Because I know you need to learn how to give up control.”

Two days before the event and over half the potential guests are going with that.

That’s what you get for making your own party, I guess.

I also asked people to specify if they were bowling or just spectating, since I need to pay in advance for shoes, plus guarantee there will be enough lanes together. Simple question, right?  Here’s just a sprinkling of responses I got.

“Hmmm, I haven’t bowled since I was ten.  What a novel idea.  So whadya think?  Should I ??”

“What?  You want me to wear shoes that announce to the world that I’m a size 9?”

“Oy, Stephanie, Stephanie!  You know your Uncle Charlie can’t stand all that racket.  Will you at least be providing earplugs?”  (I didn’t even know I HAD an Uncle Charlie.  Let alone one with sensitive hearing. When did Aunt Carla remarry?)

“Yes, Yes, Yes!  Put us down for 7 bowlers.  Susie wears a kids size 2, little Mitchie an infant 8 (wait till you see how curly his hair got!)  and the teens will probably only bowl a couple of games; but hopefully you’ll provide video tokens, and they’ll amuse themselves.”  (You saw that one coming, I hope.  The moment you say “Adults Only, these kind of RSVP’s come out of the woodwork.  But if you say, “Bring the kids!” —  They hire a babysitter a month in advance.

“My bursitis has been acting up when it rains. I’ll get back to you after the most recent weather report.”

“I was captain of the bowling team in high school.  You better believe I’m down for it.  I’m very competitive so hope your friends can buck up when they get mowed down.”

“I am really uncoordinated.  Will there be single men there? I guess I probably will try to bowl, but not if you invite that bitch, Tiffany.  She really gives me a bad vibe.”

“This is so funny.  It’s a costume thing, right?   All I can think of is Fred Flintstone and bowling.  I’m coming as Wilma.

“Hi!  Thanks so much for including me.  I haven’t ever told anyone this but I have a thing about putting my feet into places that other feet have been.  Therefore I will just come the last ten minutes or so. For the cake.  I get kinda queasy even thinking about all those people and their feet. But thanks so much for including me.  If I don’t show up, it means I got to feeling kinda defeeted.”

That’s what you get for making your own party, I guess.

Okay, ready for some nice phone calls?  Yep!

For a good time, call Little Miss Menopause!

For a good time, call Little Miss Menopause!

Ring Ring….

Guest #1 – –   Heya.  Making your own party, I see?  So what are you into these days?

Me – –  Huh?

Guest #1 – –   I want to get you something useful.  Gift card?

Me – –   Oh no.  Please.  I wrote “No gifts.”

Guest #1 – –  Yeah, yeah – – C’mon, everyone says that just to be polite.  Love that cute thing about, “Your presence is enough of a present for me.”

Me – –  I didn’t write that.  I just said “No gifts.”

Guest #1 – –  So seriously, what do you get a spoiled brat who has absolutely everything SHE could ever want or need for her birthday??

Ring Ring…..

Guest #2 – – Hi Stephanie.  It’s Oscar. You know since the divorce,  I feel kind of self-conscious going anywhere solo. Which of your single women friends will be there?

Me – –  Hey Oscar.  Gosh, lots of single people in general.  But let’s see.  Women?  Tanya and . . .

Guest #2 – –  She that stacked redhead?  The 38 Double D?

Me – –  Uhhh…

Guest #2 –  – Sorry. How about that woman who was your maid-of-honor at your first wedding?

Me – –   Cynthia?  She died. That was 25 years ago, Oscar.

Guest#2 – –  So send me a picture of Tanya, will ya? And what the hell, Cynthia too.  And could you invite that girl who sometimes babysits for you?  Whatshername?  Lisa?   And what about that other set of sisters who do everything together, you know, they go rollerskating, they sing, and then they’re always smiling for the camera?

Me – –  The Doublemint Twins?

Ring Ring. . .

Bowling Alley – –  Hi there, Stephanie.  This is Barb, the manager at “Roll ‘Em, Bowl ‘Em, Console ‘Em!” Just finalizing a few things so your party will be “pitcher” perfect.  We don’t want to “strike-out” with you. Get it?  Strike out?

Me – – Isn’t that baseball talk?

Bowling Alley – – Whatever.  So we have you down for 35 people in three lanes, one with gutters, a tray of spicy, deep-fried Buffalo Bruiser Breasts, Bowling-Ball Sandwiches, Quesadillas Queso Cuties, Knock-Em Down Dumplings plus beer and wine.  Sorry, we don’t name our liquor anything cutesy.  And it’s up to you to monitor your guests safety for driving home.  All on the Visa that we ran your deposit on?

Me — Hold on. Wait. Hold it.

Bowling Alley – – A lot to take in, ain’t it?  Oh and Every Saturday night, we like to play music and dim the lights.  Most Saturdays it’s Pop or Oldies, which woulda been good for you, seeing as you’re 50, huh?  But I wanted to inform you that this Saturday, it’s gonna be a mix of classical music and then some country/western by request.  Hee Haw!

Me – – Hold it. First of all, only three lanes for 35 people?  And what’s with the gutters in one lane?  Also I didn’t order anything called Bowling Ball sandwiches.  How do I know if a guest is too drunk to drive?  And I completely despise country/western.photo-235

Bowling Alley – -Let me answer all that, Little Lady, maybe not necessarily in that order, but just hold yer horses and we’ll get this settled quicker than a tick on a bucking bronco.  (Little Lady?!  This manager is also a female!  And does anyone else detect that this person seems to be lapsing into “Hollywood Cowboy Talk?”)  So Bowling Ball sandwiches are really meatball.  35 people in three lanes is nice n’ cozy like,  but if you’re worried, we’ll surely keep some of your guests in the parking lot and rotate them in when others poop out. Gutters in one lane was by request.  One of your guests called to say that little Suzie has ADD and gets frustrated easy.  Them the ones probably get drunk the fastest.  And they’re also the ones who requested the music.  But doncha worry your pretty little head off, Country Western grows on ya quicker than you can say, “Round ’em up for a 50 year old who’s hotter than a tater-tot on a smoky grill!”

Me – – Okay.  Subject change, please.   Don’t you have any healthy fare to serve?

Bowling Alley – – I recken we do.  We got your Ring-a-Ding Onion Rings.  That’s a vegetable. Add some ketchup and you’ll be keepin’ that Doc away for days.

Me – – I am so very tired.

Bowling Alley – – That’s what you get for making your own party, I guess.

And Finally . . .  the Text That I Eavesdropped On (as Promised in My Title)

And despite what you think about me, this was a true accidental eavesdropping!  There was a three-way text a few weeks ago (you know how that goes, when one person starts up a group text and then everyone can see everything anyone writes from that point on?)  I think they both forgot that’s how things were set up.

Friend #1 – –  Hey!  You going to Stephanie’s thing?  Can you believe she’s throwing herself a party?  So I want to wear my new pink short skirt, but do you think that’s too much for bowling?  Why’d she have to make it bowling – -that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of.  I’ve been avoiding sending my RSVP to see if Oscar might ask me out.  I’ve actually been avoiding her in general lately, she’s such a drag.

Friend #2  – –  Well, in her D-fense, she’s been really D-pressed lately.  But u can’t blame her.  Have u seen her i’s lately?  That’s why she keeps those sunglasses on.  Even her wrinkles have wrinkles.  Ha!  Also, u need 2 use text lingo, k?

Friend #1  – –  You’re so bad that you are good.  Oh well, we shouldn’t say these things.  Someday, we’ll be there ourselves.  But not for another twenty years, Right??   LOL.  LMAO.  ROFLBISF!    CU  L8ter  BFF!  Is that better abbreviations?

Friend #2  —  Yup! U R 2 cool.   Luv ya GF!!! xoxoxoxoxoxox

Ring, Ring

Friend #1 – – Hey Stephanie.  Sorry I’m getting your voice mail yet again.   Been trying to track you down forever, Birthday Girl. So excited that you’re doing this party for yourself.  You so deserve it.  And bowling!!  As soon as I saw that invite, I was like, “That is the best idea ever.  I am soooo there!”  And you look amazing.  Nobody would even think you’re 35, like me,  let alone 50.  I’ll be carpooling with Tiffany, so if you need anything at all, just let either of us know.  Can’t wait, Steph!  Bye!”

Alright, I’m not gonna say it again, but – – “that’s what I get for….”

This morning a package arrived on my doorstep.  With a card.  Wow.  My first birthday present even though I said “No Gifts!”

Stephanie – – Just a little something to thank you for always playing matchmaker. I told you it wasn’t necessary though. I knew the right woman would find me when she was ready. We’re getting hitched this weekend so I won’t be able to make your party.  Tell Cynthia to have fun without me. Bet she got fat anyway, after 25 years.

Happy Birthday,

Oscar

I opened it up.  A new CD.  “The Best of Country & Western.”  Naturally.

FOOTNOTE:  This work has major embellishments, name changes, menu changes, bra-size changes, and complete utter nonsense.  But there really is a bowling party.  I really am nearly 50.  And I really am tired!  Now don’t forget – – Friday at midnight (Pacific time) is the deadline to win either one of these prizes with two SUPER easy contests.  See this post for more.  Click here

58 thoughts on “NEVER Throw Yourself a Bawling Birthday Party! (plus Text Eavesdropping!)”

  1. And I thought that I should avoid bowling birthday parties to keep people from making fun of my horri[GLORIOUS] bowling skills.
    And the eavesdropping text was hilarious.

    Happy birthday!! 😀 “Older” just = wiser in my book. *hats off*

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    • Hey! Thank you so very much. Scary to leave the 40’s but I’m trying out “the cup is half full” method now. Of course, maybe it’s half full of formaldehyde to preserve my skin, but nobody needs to know that, right?? 😉
      take care,
      Stephanie

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  4. LOL. I tried throwing myself a birthday party at one of the human habitrails many, many years ago – confused my friends AND the girl trying to take the reservation (“Can I have my 30th birthday party there?” “You want to have a birthday party for 30? how old are the kids?”). 50 is cake (mmmm, cake!) – happy birthday whippersnapper!

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    • Going to get the cake right now!! Thank you so much for letting me know I’m not alone in doing this. I’m sure it was only a few years ago for your 30th. I so appreciate your comments. Glad to see new postings of yours coming out more often now! Headed to your blog.
      Stephanie

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  5. Believe it or not but I actually went bowling on Tuesday – for the first time in almost ten years! I can’t bowl well even if my life depended on it, but I had so much fun 😀 So remember – no matter what happens, have an absolute blast on your birthday!!!

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    • Thank you so much! It is fun, isn’t it? And thank goodness our lives do not depend on it. The manager of the Alley just called me back again today and after writing this particular blog, I had to keep holding my breath while she was talking to keep from bursting out with laughter. It was just that i kept thinking of my embellishments of her phrases that was triggering me. 😉 I’m so bad. Thank you again for the birthday wishes!

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  6. Dear Stephanie, I promise that you can find life to be better than ever after 50+. I’m proof.

    You did great with the invitations, making clear what you expected. I’m siding with Barb: what if you just plan for the 3 people who RSVP’d, minus the kids, and let the other 30 who didn’t RSVP wing it (with or without the Buffalo chicken).

    Of course someone thought it was a costume thing; I would expect no less from you 🙂

    BISF? Boy, is Stephanie fun? Boise Idaho sells fleas? Beware information security failure? Because impregnating sperm failed?

    Hey, by the way, you out-teched me. How did you add the Likes to the comments? I like it.

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    • You are so funny, Grace! (the wing-it comment pun you just made!!) And the costume thing I actually made up. Nobody really thought that, but I have a friend who is just zany enough to come as Wilma Flintstone so I stuck that in there.

      And I LOVE YOUR GUESSES but Friend #1 said ROFLBISF because she meant, Rolling on Floor Laughing Because I’m So Funny! (I was trying to make her seem “hip.”)

      And the liking of the comments icon?!! Would you believe something suddenly just came up and that feature was there out of the blue? (Sounds like Marsha Brady’s date, right “Something suddenly came up!”) I honestly have no clue what I inadvertently clicked to make that happen!

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      • No explanations needed. You’re funny even if you didn’t think of making your party as costume party until you wrote here that you made it a costume party.

        So, if all that isn’t true, are you really having a birthday party? Are you really turning 50? Have you ever had a birthday? Are you really your friend who might show up as Wilma?

        Keep ROFLing BYSF tomorrow…no matter what happens. I want to read all about it. And then I want to submit a request for a bloganalysis of widgets. I have been wondering what you think of bloggers who use certain ones, don’t use certain ones, and customize certain ones.

        Thanks for trying to share your likable comments. Maybe if you were 20 years younger, you would remember how it happened…

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        • ANOTHER hysterically funny comment by you. I think you have a new title – – you’re a Humor commenter. Just go around and leave people comments like this and I’ll be your agent and make sure they get into the Reader and Freshly Pressed. Deal?

          Very interesting idea to blog about widgets. Give me some more requests, please. I would love you to throw some more out!

          And yes, you found me out – – I AM the one showing up as Wilma!! I just can’t get that bone barrette to stay in my hair. Oh wait, that’s Pebbles?

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          • OK, you got the agent contract. Keep inspiring me, and I’ll keep leaving you comments.Then you can persuade WordPress to recognize commenters, like they recognize blogs.

            The bone barrette won’t stay in your new slick hairstyle with that new sleek hair product in it. You’ll have to wash it out, and go back to your normal stuff so it tangles. The chemical combination might even turn your hair red. You might wind up with some Pebbles stuck in there, too. And some Twiggys.

            Have a blast tonight!

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  7. A. You must have a lot of friends. B. Some of your friends clearly either didn’t read the invitation or didn’t believe it (no kids means alcohol will be served and/or I only want to hang out with grown-ups for my birthday this year). C. Lots of your friends are IMO pretentious, conniving donkeys.
    You throw your own party when you are an adult because you want to have a certain amount of control over things, not so your “friends” can walk all over your plans. Also, if it was my party and some guest called the venue to change my plans for whatever reason, I would dis-invite that “friend” in a heartbeat. After all, at 50, you don’t need that kind of aggravation. Don’t know what to tell you about your two clueless single friends, though.

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    • Hi and welcome, Cimmy! I think I know who sent you 😉 and that was very sweet of him. I enjoy your husband’s blog very much. So now I’ll have to check out yours! I want to thank you for taking the time to read and comment on such a long post (I don’t normally post that lengthy!) but i also wanted to let you know that this was a humorous post in jest. I tried to clarify in my bolded footnote at the bottom that much of this was HIGHLY embellished upon and some was even entire nonsense that I fabricated for fun. Just so you know, no guest called the venue to add gutters! lol. I play a lot of “what if” games in my head and that seemed like a funny scenario, so I just put that in.

      I have an offbeat and quirky sense of humor so my blogs generally take a true situation and then stretch it to it’s bizarre limits!

      If you’d like to read a more serious posting of mine (and one that’s 100% true with zero exaggeration) than please go here
      https://thequotegal.wordpress.com/2014/02/26/the-write-way-to-die/

      Meanwhile, I’m so glad you chimed in and I hope you’ll feel welcomed to do so at all times!
      take care,
      Stephanie

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  8. Oh dear oh dear… I’m not even yet 40. I’d die if my friends were like this. Maybe some of them are, but I have yet to catch them.

    Me… I’m not too hard to please. If my family gathers together, we have a nice meal, maybe at a particular park, Cimmy makes me a cake and maybe she amuses my continued requests for as many candles as my age that year– I am happy. A few gifts are nice, but they aren’t the main thing.

    And I completely despise country/western.

    Me too. For some reason, I can tolerate it better when they’re separated, i.e. the Appalachian sound (country) and cowboy ballads (Western), but together… mmm… nope. Honky-tonk especially makes my skin crawl. And did the bowling alley manager really talk like that? I’m sure that drives Cimmy’s late grandfather batty… he never did like the term “cowboy”. He was a ‘cattleman’; he said ‘cowboys’ wore fuzzy chaps and hung out in drugstores, according to Cimmy. I also have this strange gut feeling he calls what you describe “Hollywood cowboy talk”.

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    • Hi you! First of all, thank you for referring my blog to your wife, Cimmy. I am highly flattered! And to answer your question – – no the bowling manager didn’t really talk like that, but there was one or two phrases that bordered on sounding like that so of course I jumped on the bandwagon to exaggerate that speech pattern in my blog. Meanwhile, I love the term, “Hollywood Cowboy Talk” so much that I want to edit my blog to call it that? May I have your permission to do so? It’s the perfect term for what I wrote!!!

      I think it’s so sweet your wife bakes you cakes. Around here, everyone does the store bought junk. How wonderful she takes the time to make it special.

      Have a great wknd,
      Stephanie

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      • Oh, you may definitely use that term… I am honored that you like the idea.

        See, I pointed Cimmy to your blog because I wanted to be sure that her grandpa would honestly use a term like that, and she said yes, he would.

        Cimmy usually makes cake from a box, not often from scratch, but, I like this because I’m not a fan of thick super-sweet frosting that bakeries slather on cakes. She does a wonderful job decorating, too, and I can show you some good examples. Probably this month, even, since both sides of my family seem to like having birthdays in March.

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  9. Tired – I’m exhausted just reading this post. Need a nap, possibly ear plugs (handy thought that) maybe alcohol.

    I’m turning 44 this Thursday and have decided after much grumbling and ill humor that I will accept gracefully the idea of adding another year to my total and have even conceded that next year 45 is somewhat inevitable.

    However I have issued a new declaration that 45 is a far as I’m willing to go. Have a lot of work to do as that pesky space time continuum is not following my decrees as yet and for some reason NASA and the other space agencies have yet to respond to my proposal in regards to freezing space and time. I did hear back from that nice man who had been abducted by aliens and he said next time they came back he’d ask to borrow some tech. Lovely fellow.

    Well best wishes and happy bowlday to you. I’m laughing fit to SPLIT and as always your posts knock the PINS right out from under me. If I were you the moment I have some time to SPARE I would consider a STRIKE against those bringing the uninvited kiddies after all it could send the whole tone of the party into the GUTTER.

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    • I see my dear blogger friend Grace already liked your comment. And so do I. I love it! Funny wordplay there, Jenni girl! And your third paragraph – – hilarious! I didn’t know we could set limits on how far we were willing to go age-wise. NOW ya tell me! 😉
      hugs,
      Stephanie

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      • Oh yes and I’m prepared to go the great lengths to see that it works.

        Will fill you in on its progress should it proceed to human testing – I think I just go around blasting a few people first to make sure it works before handing it out to friends.

        lol Jen

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  10. This is exactly why I like to end my nights here! No matter how craptastic the day has been, it’s always perfect over here. I laughed, I laughed some more, I reread the bitchy text, then laughed again.

    Hope you have a fantastic party! Have fun bowling, and Happy Birthday!!

    And remember, 50 is the new 30, so make sure you have the appropriate number of candles.

    🙂

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    • Look at you with your made-up word! Another person who likes to merge words? I love it. My favorite one is “Sexsational” but I haven’t had cause to use it lately.

      Fifty is the new 30 now? Wow. I was elated that it was the new 40, but I just love the direction this whole thing is headed. Soon menopause will be the new puberty!

      Anyhow, this piece was fun to write because I AM having total and complete frustration over this insipid party (right now it’s mainly that people are cancelling after they’ve already been paid for. Such nerve, getting the flu!) but I’ve taken the real emotion of “aggravation” and channeled it into the fictional happenings that I blogged about and then that allowed me to laugh at the whole thing, and see it for what it is. And has always been – – Just another something that is Beyond my control.

      How come I never seem to retain that little nugget of knowledge? I learn that things aren’t within my control and then bloooop, it leaves my brain and two weeks from now, I think if I just “manipulate circumstances exactly write or right,” I will be in charge once again. Ha! Cats chase their tails. Stephanie chases her control. Ridiculous!

      Thank you so much for coming here, especially tonight and leaving happy words, when I’m reading your beautiful, poignant blog.

      Anyone “out there” reading this comment, jmgajda’s latest post called, “Bringing Sophie Home” (click on her name above) reads like a bouquet of your favorite flowers, featuring the language of Baby’s Breath intertwined with Mother of Pearl. My words cannot do it justice. You must read hers.

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      • Yes, 50 is the new 30, according to Today Health:
        http://www.today.com/health/americas-favorite-age-its-50-new-poll-says-8C11144329

        I’m sorry your party is becoming so complicated! People with the flu should just suck it up. Don’t they know how awesome your party’s going to be? And yes, people are so weird about not RSVPing (including me!). I think it has to do with feeling bad about actually using the word ‘No’. We need to come up with a new way to indicate that people can’t attend. Something like:

        “I’m thrilled with the idea of thinking about your party while actually being at a separate location” or some such. I’m sure you could come up with something funnier.

        And kids at a grownup party, Ugh. And you know they’ll expect YOU to watch/entertain their little offspring! So rude.

        I know about struggles with control (being all type A and such). It’s a losing battle for me. I really find spontaneity difficult. I like things very planned, with a clear idea of what to expect. So, with children, that usually works out well!

        And thank you for the kind words about my writing. It’s nice to feel like you moved someone with something that means so much to you. Have a great, fabulous party this weekend! I’m sure it will turn out super fantastic and everyone here in your blogosphere will be eagerly awaiting details.

        🙂

        ps I hate to point this out, but the link to my website in your comment above . . . doesn’t work. Yes, I checked, I’m so shallow!!

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        • Wait a sec — what link in my comment? I purposely didn’t put a link because I’m so awful at doing so. I said anyone reading my comment to click on your name above. (meaning your gravitar picture and your name when you commented above me) I tried it before I wrote that and it worked. I just tried it again now and it worked still. What am I missing? ps. Laughing at you saying you’re so shallow. Right – – shallow like the ocean.
          hugs,
          Stephanie
          ps. my stats show people are clicking it! Yay!

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  13. OMG! Your RSVP was so clever. And those responses! And the bowling Ally manager! And those bitchy girlfriends! And the way it ends! This is my favorite one of yours so far. You DO just keep getting funnier and funnier.

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  14. OMG-you just keep getting funnier. When I turned 50 I set the rules for my surprise party and the family actually did even better than I could have. We had to have it at home though because the venue had burned down the week before. The ‘where’ and ‘when’ were not a surprise, but everything else was…guests, food, band – yup a band. AND 50 single candles…none of that ‘one number 5 and one 0’ candle stuff. Had a blast and can hardly wait for the big 6-0 to do it again. Every birthday is a happy one – just think of the alternative. Happy Birthday Stephanie! Today, tomorrow, and always!

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    • Get out! You set rules for your surprise party?!! No wonder I’m so drawn to you. I didn’t know you could do that!! Yeah, none of that number 5 and O candle stuff. You got that right! You do make it sound fun, Donna. I’ll give it a chance. (Like I have a choice!) Thank you and thank you for even taking the time to comment today.
      Stephanie

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  15. This is the reason why I plan to be on the other side of the country when I turn 50. “I’d love to throw a party and invite you all but I’m out of town that day.” Yep, sounds like a plan.

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  17. Congratulations (in advance) and many happy returns. I wish I could come to your party, but I have a severe case of bad excuses. Hope the party works out. Loved reading this. Kindest of regards and best of wishes.

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    • Well – – it’s so wonderful to see you commenting here! Thank you very much. Everyone who reads this, go see this young man’s blog. It reminds me of Catcher in the Rye! Hope you’re feeling better. (referring to your last blog)
      Stephanie

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      • I really enjoyed reading it, though I did feel kind of sorry and also bad for not being able to be there. I do so hope that lots of people will come and that it’s going to be your best fiftieth birthday ever.
        I took your advice and drank lots of water. It had some disadvantages, but I’ll spare you the details on that. I guess flu should be forbidden by law. Thanks for advertising my blog. I just wrote a thank you note and, although I didn’t write any names in it, you’re one of the people I write it for.
        Kind regards,

        Arthur

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  18. This is the funniest thing I’ve read in ages! No way can I pick where I laughed hardest at. You are the master of dialogue. Also, your stuff is long but when I finish reading, I always think That was really worth it. Thanks. My day was going shitty.

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