We join the famous pair during couple’s counseling:
Therapist: Just a quick reminder that anything discussed in this room stays highly confidential.
Sandy: Tell that to Danny here.
Danny: That’s my name baby, don’t wear it out!
Sandy: OMG seriously? Did you even listen? He said no more bragging about our love life to that hoodlum gang of yours on the football bleachers.
Danny: Yes, Miss Goody-Two-Shoes.
Sandy: Ugh. What happened to the Danny Zuko I met at the beach?
Danny: Well I do not know. Why don’t you take out a missing person’s ad? Or try the yellow pages.
Therapist: Mr. Zuko, you seem very concerned with appearing cool. Has that always been the case? (Tousles Danny’s hair with hand)
Danny: Hey! Would ya watch the hair? Ya know, I work hard on my hair a long time and then you just hit it. He hits my hair!
Therapist: I don’t think that’s the correct line for this. I’m confused.
Sandy: He’s obsessed. (Wipes hand on husband’s oily scalp to remove her wedding ring) And you can take back this piece of tin (Throws diamond) Danny Zuko, you’re a fake and a phony and I wish I never laid eyes on you! (Stomps toward door)
Danny: Sandy! You can’t just walk out of a drive-in!
Therapist: Um, technically this is a shrink’s office. Wow folks, things sure escalated quickly. We don’t name-call in here. And we always use “I” statements. Danny, why don’t you tell Sandy how you’re feeling right now?
Danny: I got chills. They’re multiplyin’. And I’m losing control. Cause the power you’re supplying . . . it’s electrifying.
Therapist: That sounds very familiar.
Danny: Music loud and women warm, been kicked around since I was born. Whether you’re a brother or whether you’re a mother, you’re Stayin’ Alive, Stayin’ Alive. Ever hear that before?
Therapist: Many times. Nothing shocks me these days. Even movie character swapping, which I see you like to do. It’s like wife-swapping, only more illicit. But let’s get back to your relationship. How deep is your love? I really mean to learn. Cuz we’re living in a world of fools, breaking us down, when they all should let us be. We belong to you and me.
Danny: You got it, dude. Saturday Night Fever and the Bee Gees rule!
Sandy: If you boys are quite finished? I’d like to say I knew right away Danny and I were not a good match from the moment we met. My parents invited him to tea. He said, “I don’t like tea.” I explained he didn’t have to drink tea. He said, “I don’t like parents.”
Therapist: Is that the only problem, Sandy?
Sandy: It’s Miss Sandra Dee to you. And there are other issues. He’s always crooning to his grease-ball friends, “Well she got friendly down in the sand!” I hate that expression. He’s got a one-track mind.
Danny: I did letter in track just to get inside her pants.
Sandy: Keep your filthy paws off my silky drawers. Would you pull that crap with Annette? And how about that night you tried to feel me up inside your souped-up car!
Therapist: Well sex is a very important part of a relationship.
Sandy: Tell me about it, Stud.
Therapist: (Blushing) Uh, let’s hear about this souped-up car.
Danny: Why this car is auto-matic. It’s system-matic. It’s hyyyydro-matic…why it’s greased lightn….
Therapist: I get the picture.
Sandy: I wasn’t finished. There’s another woman. Cha-Cha Di Gregorio, a bad girl from a worse neighborhood with good dance moves.
Danny: Aw c’mon Sandy. We go together like rama lama lama ka dinga da dinga dong.
Therapist: Well said. Any other compliment you might give your wife?
Danny: Ain’t nobody who can mash a cigarette into the ground and then kick me in the chest with her high heel like Sandy can.
Sandy: That’s not going to excuse all your Scientology cult stuff.
Therapist: The what now? Did I miss something?
Sandy: And the cross-dressing. He’s actually Edna Turnblat!
Danny: You can’t stop my happiness, ‘cuz I like the way I am. And you just can’t stop my knife and fork when I see a Christmas ham. And if you don’t like the way I look, then I just don’t give a damn!
Sandy: You better shape up. Cuz I need a man. And my heart is set on you!
Therapist: Well you both definitely seem “Hopelessly Devoted.” But unfortunately that’s all the time we have for this session — so you should both fly off in that magical car of yours and everyone will live happily ever after. Except I do have one final word of advice.
Sandy: What’s the word?
Therapist: “Grease” is the word. That’ll be $150 please.