This Will Be the Worst Writing You’ll Ever Read!


setting-expectations

See what I’m doing here?  This is me playing with your anticipation level. You’ll read this post (hopefully!) and instead of hating it (like you are primed to do from the title) you’ll think, “Well, it wasn’t really all THAT bad. She kinda has a “loose cannon” charm to her. In fact, I think I’ll follow her and share this post everywhere!”  Okay that last sentence is me now playing with your suggestibility level.

But my point is that by my downgrading the quality of my writing in advance, you will have lowered your judgment criteria and therefore my chance of success will have increased.

We’ve all gone to see a movie someone raved to us about . . .

“Expectations and Disappointments and Reality…..oh my!”

A bit too much of a mouthful for Dorothy to singsong as she skips through the Cowardly Lion’s forest, but for me — this is something I chant everyday.  It’s how I cope.

Remember the book, The Secret?  Of course you do. The premise went like this: “Envision yourself living in an abundance of love, money, health, (or anything else you fervently desire) and you will automatically attract all of it.”

For months I walked around acting “as if.” I was this bestselling author, so utterly revered and famous that I couldn’t be bothered picking up the phone to deal with all the producers clamoring to adapt my latest intriguing novel into a thrilling movie.

Maybe I playacted this scenario a little too realistically and the frustrated filmmakers gave up on reaching me, contacting Gillian Flynn (Gone Girl!) instead.

Maybe, but somehow I doubt it.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t do well when my expectations are raised through the roof (because roofs can leak!) and the reality never lives up to the vivid pictures in my head.

A garage sale box was too good of a fate for my wretched copy of The Secret. That’s how much I detested its disappointing promising pages.

Besides deep down I believed there was somebody “up there” who had it in for me and made sure I never got what I wanted. I just knew this was true. The proof?  I always yearned for a daughter (the premise of my novel but don’t order it because it really IS the worst writing you’ll ever read. 😉 ) but I kept giving birth to sons (three in a row) so one day I decided to fool the Gender Granting Gods and instead I prayed, “Please bestow upon me just one more boy … so they can have a foursome on the golf course!” The result?  You guessed it!  My first daughter was finally born. Aha! I tricked you, Universe!

Therefore I will now write a sequel to The Secret and call it, “The Terces!” (George Costanza will be my publisher because he also believes in opposite thinking, remember?)

No I won’t write that silly book with the backwards title. But I will say this — I was recently in a very serious car accident (ahhh, you’re thinking — finally an explanation for why this post is completely all over the place!) where I looked in the rearview mirror and saw the truck about to barrel into my tiny red Mazda. In that millisecond, I braced myself to die. I anticipated it to be all over for me. When I opened my eyes and saw white puffiness surrounding me, I wasn’t thinking it would turn out to be airbags. For the first few days, I went around announcing to everyone that I was the luckiest person in the world to have come through an accident like that. Until someone said, “If you’re really so fortunate, why were you involved in a serious crash like that in the first place?”

Perspective.

Are we talking something as simple as optimistic, pessimistic, and realistic here? Do you drink from a glass that is half full or half empty? Or do you just believe glasses can shatter and reach for plastic cups instead? Are you Tigger or Eeyore? Oscar the Grouch or Elmo? Gilligan or the Skipper? Donald Trump or Hilary Clinton?  (Okay, that last pair was just to see if you’re still hanging around here, reading the worst writing ever!)

But now it’s time to take my version of the Stupidest quiz in the world.

Where are you on the Sliding Scale of Expectations?

  1. When you walk into your home after a long day of work are you expecting: a) Smiling guests to pop out from behind the furniture and curtains shouting, “Surprise!” because they missed your last birthday? b) Drawers and cupboards chaotically opened, jewelry missing, and your dog chewing on the soup bone that the burglars distracted him with? c) Ketchup, mustard, mayo, and tartar sauce to be all that’s in the fridge, but that’s okay because you have a craving for Condiment Casserole.
  2. When you post your new writing on WordPress are you expecting: a) These paragraphs are golden, baby! Stats are gonna spin wildly around like the increasing cents on the display when you put gas in your car. b) Nobody will read your words. c) Why do you assume everyone on WordPress is writing their heart out, Stephanie? I’m a photographer here!
  3. When you go out on a blind date, are you expecting: a) Chariots of Fire music to play as you race to the bed the alter. b) To be stood up. c) What era are you from? We date online. Besides there’s controversy over using the word, “blind” now.

That’s it. That’s my entire test. And I’m not giving you a key to interpret what your answers mean either. I warned you in advance that it would be a really stupid test!

And this time you’re inclined to agree, aren’t you?

Dear Reader: Do you have high expectations, (believing in the laws of attraction?) or do you lower them so you’ll avoid disappointment? And quick (no googling!) who said, “Reality . . . What a concept!”bfjznz7igaathtu

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16 thoughts on “This Will Be the Worst Writing You’ll Ever Read!

  1. Great article and this concept could be used in many areas of life. When bringing a dish to a potluck. Certainly, in dating, this could be a very useful tool. Those that are in a relationship can use this tool as well. There is some perspective that goes along with expectations. There is also the law of probability which can be coupled with relative data. Although, I have also seen people throw ruins as well. As for #1, I’m expecting a good, well-balanced meal and I generally get it. #2, no expectations here, I rarely see my own family or closest friends to leave a comment, #3 The last time this happened was in high school and no she did not have a cane with a red tip. Expect the unexpected.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow, what a comprehensive comment…. thank you! I certainly didn’t expect this much to be typed. 😉

      Regarding number #1, I’m expecting you to eat a good, well-balanced meal tonight too, after hearing “protein bar.” Don’t disappoint me now! Xo

      Liked by 2 people

  2. When you’re seven feet tall the way I used to be, you have to lower your expectations as old age shrinks you. Now I am only six feet and I can see eye to eye with those expectations. Guess that means I always was a pessimist. You do know the difference between a pessimist and an optimist, don’t you? When a pessimist is surprised, it’s a good thing. When an optimist is surprised, it’s a bad thing. For instance, an optimist would go into depression if a truck hit them from behind. A pessimist would shirk off the accident with a “see I told you it was going to be a bad day.” As far glasses, the Grinch stole mine.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Firstly, I am glad you survived the crash (shutter), secondly – you are aware that I have 3 boys and a girl? (I’m assuming you have more than I daughter as you mentioned ‘my first daughter’). Life is a trip, that’s for sure. Stay well, Stephanie.

    Like

    • Thank you! It’s so great to hear from you. How’s the Book? And Yes, I actually have two daughters (but I cheated the universe yet again by adopting one!) and four sons. The accident was the most terrifying thing I have ever been through but I am trying to use my writing a bit as cathartic therapy.

      Like

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