Ways WordPress And Mothers Are Alike:
1. PRESSURE! WordPress(ure?) sends me these “naggy little reminder” notifications when I have not met my “One Published Post Per Week” goal. They sound like this, “Uh Oh. Have you forgotten something? It’s been a while since you’ve published anything new!” Yet, just like Mom, WordPress never acknowledges when I’ve far exceeded those expectations (four posts in a week?!) C’mon a little extra love? Cookies and Milk before bed? Grrrr, Just like Mom – -always quick to point out that one darn B+ even though the rest were straight A’s.
2. BARE NECESSITIES! WordPress lets you have the basics for free but you’ll have to pay extra for any custom designs to make your blog uniquely yours. Mom provided room and board and three square meals a day, but if you wanted to go to Disneyland or shop at Nordstrom, those “life upgrades” were gonna cost ya!
3. REWARDS! Remember sticker charts? If you kept your room clean for a week, you got taken out for ice-cream? Well, we all know that WordPress offers the chance to be “Freshly Pressed.” But darn it, I’ve emptied the trash, dusted and vacuumed hundreds of times on my blog . . . and my only reward has been having my allergies clear up. So WordPress – – If you’re gonna dangle the “Freshly Pressed Carrot” – – be clear in the steps we need to take to finally reach it.
4. SELF-DOUBT! Before I did anything even slightly risky, my mother had some applicable, yet tragic horror story to deter me or make me think twice about my abilities. “Go ahead, ride your bike in bad weather. Lisa Carter rode her 10-speed in the rain two weeks ago and now all that’s left of her is a soggy pair of size 3 Keds strapped to her bike pedals. Is that what you want??” On WordPress, when I am just about to delete something, up pops a little window with what I like to call a “Lisa Carter Warning Message,” It says, “Are You Sure You Want To Do That?”
5. CONTEMPLATION! WordPress features “The Daily Post,” which offers different Weekly Challenges. They are fun and rewarding opportunities for writing. i.e. “Think About a Time When You Did Something So Terrific, Everyone Cheered For You.” or “How Has Blogging Helped You Stay Out of Therapy?” Whereas Your mother issued some Weekly Challenges that maybe weren’t quite as fun or rewarding. “You Just Think About What You Did Wrong and By The Time I Come Back Into Your Room, You Better Have a Handwritten Apology!” And of course your mom is the one who single-handedly drove you into therapy.
6. ENRICHMENT! WordPress offers a variety of themes with lots of ways to showcase your talent. Some play up your photography skills, others emphasize your writing more prominently. Still more themes can help you start a business or heighten your salesmanship skills with products. Mom read books to you, enrolled you in summer camps and gave you voice lessons so you could become a more well-rounded person. (But I’m still waiting for someone to ask me to play, “You’re a Grand Old Flag” at a social get-together – – My Mom promised me piano lessons would make me popular at parties.)
7. LOVE! WordPress gave birth to all the rest of our millions of online Siblings (our Followers!) and helps us stay connected to each other by holding daily Family Reunions (The Reader). WordPress also encourages our cyber brothers and sisters to continue to offer us support and attention by leaving kind comments. Sure, there’s gonna be some sibling rivalry reflected in those comments (Mom likes My Poetry Best . . . so mmmnyeah!) and some “sticking out your tongue” remarks (Ha Ha, I have more followers than you. Check out my stats. Made ya look!!) but overall there’s lotsa WordPress Love to go around.
8. PUNISHMENT! “You march right into your “Log-In” window, sign on, and write one final farewell post. And you better make it good because from now on, you’re suspended from all your WordPress blogging privileges until further notice. You’re lucky I’m giving you a chance to say Goodbye. Some other Blogging Websites will shut you down for violations you’re not even aware of. And you lose every single one of your posts! FOR LIFE. Now don’t you take that typing tone with me, Bloggy Boy. When I was your age, we had to write in tedious diaries. With real tiny silver keys. And we had to turn the heavy pages, both ways, with only one finger. Next time you’ll think twice before you disobey Mama WordPress!”
Dear WordPress – – I hope you enjoyed this post. Because I did NOT get you a bouquet of roses this year.
Love, Little Miss Menopause
“LOOK MA! NO HANDS!”