A Blog Only a Mother Could Love?


 

Both Mom and WordPress will make you feel guilty that this cake is not very creative!

Both Mom and WordPress will make you feel guilty that this cake is not very creative!

Ways WordPress And Mothers Are Alike:

1. PRESSURE!    WordPress(ure?) sends me these “naggy little reminder” notifications when I have not met my “One Published Post Per Week” goal.  They sound like this,  “Uh Oh.  Have you forgotten something? It’s been a while since you’ve published anything new!”  Yet, just like Mom, WordPress never acknowledges when I’ve far exceeded those expectations (four posts in a week?!)  C’mon a little extra love?  Cookies and Milk before bed?  Grrrr,  Just like Mom – -always quick to point out that one darn B+  even though the rest were straight A’s.

2.  BARE NECESSITIES!    WordPress lets you have the basics for free but you’ll have to pay extra for any custom designs to make your blog uniquely yours.  Mom provided room and board and three square meals a day, but if you wanted to go to Disneyland or shop at Nordstrom, those “life upgrades” were gonna cost ya!

3.  REWARDS!   Remember sticker charts?  If you kept your room clean for a week, you got taken out for ice-cream?  Well, we all know that WordPress offers the chance to be “Freshly Pressed.”  But darn it, I’ve emptied the trash, dusted and vacuumed hundreds of times on my blog . . . and my only reward has been having my allergies clear up.  So WordPress – –  If you’re gonna dangle the “Freshly Pressed Carrot”  – – be clear in the steps we need to take to finally reach it.

4.  SELF-DOUBT!   Before I did anything even slightly risky, my mother had some applicable, yet tragic horror story to deter me or make me think twice about my abilities.  “Go ahead, ride your bike in bad weather.  Lisa Carter rode her 10-speed in the rain two weeks ago and now all that’s left of her is a soggy pair of size 3 Keds strapped to her bike pedals.  Is that what you want??”  On WordPress, when I am just about to delete something, up pops a little window with what I like to call a “Lisa Carter Warning Message,” It says, “Are You Sure You Want To Do That?”photo-359

5.  CONTEMPLATION!    WordPress features “The Daily Post,” which offers different Weekly Challenges. They are fun and rewarding opportunities for writing.  i.e. “Think About a Time When You Did Something So Terrific, Everyone Cheered For You.”  or  “How Has Blogging Helped You Stay Out of Therapy?”  Whereas Your mother issued some Weekly Challenges that maybe weren’t quite as fun or rewarding. “You Just Think About What You Did Wrong and By The Time I Come Back Into Your Room, You Better Have a Handwritten Apology!”   And of course your mom is the one who single-handedly drove you into therapy.

6.  ENRICHMENT!  WordPress offers a variety of themes with lots of ways to showcase your talent.  Some play up your photography skills, others emphasize your writing more prominently.  Still more themes can help you start a business or heighten your salesmanship skills with products.  Mom read books to you, enrolled you in summer camps and gave you voice lessons so you could become a more well-rounded person.  (But I’m still waiting for someone to ask me to play, “You’re a Grand Old Flag” at a social get-together – – My Mom promised me piano lessons would make me popular at parties.)

7.  LOVE!  WordPress gave birth to all the rest of our millions of online Siblings (our Followers!) and helps us stay connected to each other by holding daily Family Reunions (The Reader).  WordPress also encourages our cyber brothers and sisters to continue to offer us support and attention by leaving kind comments.  Sure, there’s gonna be some sibling rivalry reflected in those comments (Mom likes My Poetry Best . . .  so mmmnyeah!) and some “sticking out your tongue” remarks  (Ha Ha, I have more followers than you. Check out my stats.  Made ya look!!) but overall there’s lotsa WordPress Love to go around.

8.  PUNISHMENT!    “You march right into your “Log-In” window, sign on, and write one final farewell post.  And you better make it good because from now on, you’re suspended from all your WordPress blogging privileges until further notice.  You’re lucky I’m giving you a chance to say Goodbye.  Some other Blogging Websites will shut you down for violations you’re not even aware of.  And you lose every single one of your posts! FOR LIFE.   Now don’t you take that typing tone with me, Bloggy Boy.  When I was your age, we had to write in tedious diaries.  With real tiny silver keys. And we had to turn the heavy pages, both ways, with only one finger. Next time you’ll think twice before you disobey Mama WordPress!”

Dear  WordPress – – I hope you enjoyed this post.  Because I did NOT get you a bouquet of roses this year.

Love, Little Miss Menopause

“LOOK MA!  NO HANDS!”

Don't worry - - BOTH hands are on the keyboard at all times!

Don’t worry – – BOTH hands are on the keyboard at all times!

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52 thoughts on “A Blog Only a Mother Could Love?

  1. Happy Belated Mother’s Day, Miss Stephanie! It’s funny that you bring this up, because even after being away from WordPress for a while, I was still feeling the pressure. Though, I think it’s self-inflicted. I love how you showed the correlations- both positive and negative. Yet, I think I’d like to expand on that and say that WordPress, like my mother, gave me life. It wasn’t until I started blogging that I met some amazing people (*****Miss Menopause****) whom I never even thought existed. There are so many amazing people here with such unique stories to tell, and though I’ve only been blogging a few months, I know my life is much richer because of it. Speaking of riches, you’re the crown jewel, Stephanie!

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  2. Ha! Your insights are always spot on. I didn’t realize WP sent little nudge reminders if you didn’t post for a week… that reminds me of the MyFitnessPal app that will notify all my “friends” that they might need to reach out to me because I’m having a hard time because I haven’t logged in for 2 weeks/3months/since 2012.

    Liked by 1 person

    • If you originally set yourself up with a “goal” to post once a week then Yes they do. And like a mother with good intentions, it is irksome. But I’m chuckling at Fitness Pal’s way of doing it – – getting everyone else on the bandwagon to nag you too, eh? If WP did that, my muse would tell all the peer pressure to take a hike.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Happy Mother’s Day. . .reading this sure brought back some memories. Pressure, I suppose that comes with the territory. We had to feed the animals before getting breakfast and weed the yard before shopping. But, that seems easier than getting Freshly Pressed. All I can say is I hope Mom is laughing or we will all be in trouble.

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    • Sorry it took so long to acknowledge this very sweet remark, Tamzen (still loving that name!) but I’ve been giving Mother WordPress the silent treatment lately. However, I’m beyond honored that you would do that. The hair compliment is gonna be a bit tougher – – everyone here is insisting I’m from the 80’s and need to update. Hmmmm…can I just tell them Tamzen Temple says I’m fine??

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      • We’ll tell ’em the Temple queen is a former hairdresser and it’s not only the hair but how you wear it. And you wear it great. The 80s were great!!! Those who say otherwise are missing out and should thank you for reminding them of one of the better decades. Xx we pray here at the Temple for those who obviously have hair envy. Ommmm and peace to all.

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        • First of all, is there a signed affidavit that you are indeed a former hairdresser and that you give me permission to stay in the 80’s for as long as people watch Flashdance reruns?

          Will head to your link now – – just a caveat in advance…all the fires (google “San Diego fires”) we’ve been subjected to this week have thrown my regular work into a tizzy so I am quite behind. But it sure sounds intriguing!
          Thanks Tamzen….
          Stephanie

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  4. Thanks for the reminder that we can dislike at times, mock at other times, always question, doubt frequently and sometimes challenge mom, but in the end, we still love mom for being mom! Happy Mother’s Day WordPress and all moms.

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  5. Ha! My parent’s so did that to me. They didn’t find it as funny as I did when I threaten to go for all C’s and one A to get them to notice my achievements. I almost went through with it, but my teachers looked at me like I was on crack, better to avoid the unnecessary parent-teacher conference about how your child’s lack of desire and depression my be leading to potential drug use and drop out statistics, lol. I did graduate btw 😛

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  6. This is not funny! WordPress is bordering on child abuse (doesn’t matter how old one is, we are always our Mother’s child) by not recognising all your A+’s. I think we need to call in the authorities ie … your followers and sort this situation out. ARE YOU LISTENING WORDPRESS? Give you child freshly pressed dues, she has earned it. 🙂

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  7. Be Thou not so obsessed with being Freshly Pressed! Listen to me, this is your mother speaking. I’m the nice Mummy.

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  8. You’re so right. Just like every mum (as surely it’s not just me?) I’m sure Mother WordPress just pretends to read my posts before patting me on the head with a ‘Well done, now run along and play (and leave me alone to my wine).’ Which is probably why I can’t leave it alone. I’m such a needy child.
    It’s also the only reason I can think of why you haven’t been Freshly Pressed yet. Unless Mumma WP doesn’t want to instigate such feelings of sibling rivalry as the rest of us can’t compete with your perceptiveness and wit.

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    • I love the run along and play/wine angle! We should do some sorta co-post where we dialogue together because every time you comment, I slap my forehead and utter, why didn’t I think of that?? And every time I read your blog, I’m green with envy…. This way I can take partial credit! Thanks for compliments, GSM!

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  9. Oh, such perfect timing on this post. Lots of us got our blogs suspended today for no reason. Big discussion in the 201 alumni blog.

    (Now that my mother can’t tell me to get my butt off the computer, I guess WordPress is taking over those duties…)

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    • Really?! I didn’t know that can happen. You always give me new material to add. Let’s see if I can funny this thing up a little. Thanks!

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