An Interview with My Muse
Me: So….what gives? You’re so quiet in there. You gotta come up with something new to get me going. I never have anything nice to post like all the other Bloggers do.
Maisy Musey: You gotta be kidding me! You’ve got a closet full of Inspiration. And…. You just got Freshly Pressed. What more do you want from me?
Me: That ratty old thing? That’s been hanging in there since Valentine’s Day. Besides, it was just a coincidence they picked that one. You never give me anything new and exciting anymore.
Maisy Musey: (sighs) Here we go. And what’s up with my name? We’ve gotta change it. I can’t work like this. It’s depressing.
Me: Okay, okay – – I can understand feeling a little out of sorts after WordPress featured us. The letdown after the spike in stats. And maybe the intense pressure to come up with something else as a follow-up. But you can shake these Muse Blues. I know you can! Here – – Lemme sing you a little song — “a Muse-ical” if you will. “la-la-la – – The Muse will come out tomorrow….betcha bottom dollar that….”
Minnie Musey: Shut up. And stop with all these cutesie names. I am NOT a-mused.
Me: Yes, you most certainly ARE a muse. And you’re my muse. You’re just a bit mixed-up. “Musion Confusion” they call it. Here….try a better, stronger name.
Moses Muse: Oh, so its Moses now, is it? What am I- – a Jew’s Muse? Listen you, I’ve paid my Muse Dues. You got what you wanted. I’m on strike now. That’s right. You heard me – – I. Refuse. to. Muse.
Me: What?! With my new followers? What am I supposed to do?
Moses Muse: Tell them you have some News. Your Muse took his departure Cues after finally getting some Clues and feeling Used. He was tired of Cruising for a Musing Bruising.
Me: I don’t believe this! All my readers will jump to the wrong Musion Conclusion now. Like I’ve given you a Musion Contusion or something. Yeah, sure. Besides, you just can’t go into Musion Seclusion. How am I going to keep up with the “I’m really a witty writer” Illusion? Please!?
Me: You miserable Excuse for a Muse. You just watch. I’m gonna Peruse a famous writer’s Muse. Someone with profound, Profuse Muse Views. A Muse who won’t Accuse. Hemingway’s Muse! Now that’s a great Muse for me to Choose to Reuse!!
Ernie: (Belches) Hey man! I am definitely not the Muse for you. I’m a Male Muse. Into minimalism. Not all that girly chit-chat. Any of these sound familiar? 1. Farewell to Arms 2. The Sun Also Rises 3. The Old Man and the Sea. (And my strong personal favorite) . . . 4. For Whom the Bell Tolls?
Me: Don’t give me that Muse-o, Macho B.S. You’re sensitive deep down, I know it. You could have easily made those titles into 1. Farewell to Feminine Charms 2. The Daughter Also Sets (the table) 3. The Cold Man and His Tea. (And a terrific wedding planner called…) 4. “For the Groom Rochelle Controls”
Ernie: Okay, Miss Smartie Pants Blogger….you don’t need a muse. Just take all the classics and tweak ’em with your own little womanly touch. See how far it gets you.
Me: You don’t have to ask me twice. Go back to the Booze, Hemingway Muse!
Little Miss Menopause’s Take on Literature Greats
1. Crime and Punishment – – Grime and Tarnishment (A Housekeeping Guide)
2. Sense and Sensibility – – Blintz and Minceability (A Cookbook)
3, Wuthering Heights – – Withering Nights (A Sex Manual After Age 50)
4. The Importance of Being Earnest – – The Importance of Being an Internist – – (How To convince your kids to become a doctor)
5. The Catcher in the Rye – – Scratch Her in the Eye (What to do when you find the woman your husband cheated with)
6. Red Badge of Courage – – Shred Bag to Discourage (A Shopaholics Recovery Bible)
7. Great Expectations – – Weight Fluctuations (It’s normal to put on a few pounds throughout the monthly cycle)
8. War and Peace – – Drawer of Fleece (Sweats ARE okay on weekends)
9. Scarlett Letter – – Car-Knit Sweater (Driving Hobbies while your hubby takes the wheel)
10. Call of the Wild – – Bawl of the Child (Beyond Time-Out Punishments for your Little One)
Okay, alright. Those are awful. I admit it. I need my old Muse back. Nobody should Lose their Muse. I promise to be kind, grateful and most of all to think of a dignified name. That’s right – – I, Little Miss Menopause, do solemnly swear to attend a support group to stop “Muse Abuse.” The meetings are held in the local Museum, of course.
And how do you treat your writer’s Muse when it goes Mute??