Therapist: Before we begin I want to stress that anything we discuss remains in the strictest of confidence and will not be spoken outside of this room.
Captain: Or turned into childish lyrics and sung on bicycles. Am I clear?? Tooot, tooooooot–
Maria: Oh spare me your whistle, Captain.
Therapist: Tssk, tssk . . . control issues. So what can I help you folks with today?
Captain: How do you solve a problem like Maria?
Therapist: Hmmm…Anything you want to tell us, Maria?
Maria: Perhaps I had a wicked childhood. Perhaps I had a miserable youth.
Therapist: But somewhere in your youth or childhood, you must’ve done something good?
Maria: Well, nothing comes from nothing. Nothing ever could.
Captain: And that’s just about what this session is worth.
Therapist: Now, now Captain. Your wife tells me you aren’t very supportive of her creative household frugality.
Captain: Ya think? Nobody needs to wear window coverings just to military march around the house.
Maria: But the children. They just want love. Please just love them, Captain. The children.
Captain: Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.
Therapist: I’m sorry but that’s not a line of yours, is it? It’s not anywhere in my notes. Let’s save the Rhett Butler nonsense for later. He’s my next client, actually.
Captain: I said that to make a point. Sometimes I think she’s crossed over from the Gone With the Wind set – – they also have the Drapery/Dress Recycling thing going on. It’s like she’s taken Scarlett O’hara and Maria Von Trapp and blended them together.
Therapist: Could that be true, Maria? Do you think you have Transblender tendencies?
Captain: Haha, it was just a joke. Let’s get down to the serious issue, shall we? Whenever Maria is unhappy, she threatens to run away — go back to Abbey. Now, I don’t know who this Abbey person is, but I suspect it’s short for Abigail and my wife secretly likes girls.
Therapist: And how does that make you feel, Sir?
Captain: Haha, gotcha again. Kidding!
Maria: Honestly Georg, you’re so juvenile. It’s like I have an eighth child. You are 16 going on 17.
Therapist: Have you ever considered hiring a governess? To relieve the stress.
Captain: Ah yes, some pretty sweet young thing with a penchant for playing the violin.
Captain: Fraulein, you will remember yourself!
Therapist: Who says that anymore? Is that even a thing?
Maria: Well, it’s time for prayers. God bless the Captain, Liesl, Friedrich, Louisa, Brigitta, Marta, Gretel and . . .
Maria: Gesundheit and bless you . . . err, I’ve forgotten what you’re called. What’s your name? Well God bless What’s-Your-Name.
Captain: OMG. Look, is there any hope for this relationship? With a woman who has a severe phobia.
Therapist: What are you frightened of, Maria?
Maria: The hills are alive . . .
Therapist: Now we’re getting somewhere. But I’m afraid that’s all the time we have for this week.
Captain: Don’t you have any quick advice for her to conquer this fear? We may need to hike through the Alps one day.
Therapist: Of course — here’s a memorable tip . . . Climb EVERY Mountain!
If you enjoy thinking about what happens to iconic fictional couples “after the show” you’ll want to enter this new contest RIGHT HERE so you can write about it and have a chance to win $200!
Meanwhile, if you just like to read about fictional couples going to a marriage counselor, you may want to read another one I published RIGHT HERE. Please leave me a message there if you enjoy the movie/play Fiddler On The Roof.
And stay tuned for more information about my newly released collection featuring the following couples having a marriage counseling session with their therapist! Tarzan & Jane, Peter Pan & Wendy, Lucy & Ricky Ricardo, Mike & Carol Brady, Superman & Lois Lane, Harry & Sally, Charles & Caroline Ingalls, Rocky & Adrienne, The Phantom & Christine, Mr. & Mrs. Howell, Jack & Rose Dawson, Miss Scarlet & Colonel Mustard, The Captain & Tennille, and many more!