Numerous readers write to me for lessons on how to become quirky. Okay, that’s simply untrue. But one thing that makes me just the right amount of quirky (and therefore certified to teach you!) is that I liberally make stuff up (like the opening sentence of this blog) but then I’ll freely confess that it’s a complete invention of my mind.

That’s not called lying — that’s called quirking. And it’s totally cool.

Let’s look at some other definitions of ‘Quirky” before you decide whether or not you want to become it.

Here’s what Vocabulary.com has to say.

quirky

Alright so “Quirky” need not be attached to a specific hair color. However hair does play an integral part in people’s assessment of your quirkiness. If I had normal hair, I think I might drop down into being wacky or zany.  But my out-of-sync tresses elevates me straight into the Q word.

Here’s what Urban Dictionary has to say.

quirky

Quirky people may also have an uncanny obsession with Recess peanut butter cups and peanut butter chocolate ice-cream. All in all, quirky people are amazing, and great friends with excellent personalities that can bring anyone’s mood up.

Now if it amuses you to no end that Urban Dictionary spelled “Reese’s” the way they did, you can stop reading this right now. Because you’re qualified to give your own lessons in being “Quacky!

HAHAHA! See what I just did there? I “accidentally” (but not really, cuz I could’ve easily fixed it in the editing process) misspelled “quirky” and it catapulted me into a fit of hysterics.

Quirky people really need to get a life, yet they’re convinced they already have a perfectly good one — so that never occurs.

@ 2018 Little Miss Menopause ~ All Rights Reserved 

But to continue on with your lesson . . .  the reason the exact proportion of “Quirky” is so crucial to achieve is because if you exhibit too much of it, you’ll firmly cross into “Odd, Bizarre, Weird, Peculiar and Strange” territory and trust me when I say nobody will find that endearing. (As an example, I couldn’t figure out how to make a copyright symbol in my above quote since it’s not shown on my keyboard, so just told myself nobody will notice what I did instead.)

So here we go with the Guidelines…

• To really exude the right amount of Quirky you first must have an inner voice that narrates your day to you, even while brushing your teeth. It must be an ongoing monologue that you can NEVER EVER turn off, yet sometimes you sincerely try by exclaiming aloud, “Will you just shut-up already?!” Then turn to the person next to you and calmly murmur, “Sorry, not you.” This will be irresistibly engaging and if you’re single you’ll have an immediate date to go bowling.
• Quirky people love to go bowling, but hate for anyone to know they have big feet, so bring masking tape to cover up the number on the back of your bowling shoes.
• Quirky people are constantly killing their houseplants by overwatering them and then justifying their childless state by saying, “This is why I don’t have any pets.”
• Quirky people think they can be chameleons, becoming what everyone else would like them to be because they fancy themselves adaptable like Play-Doh or Silly Putty. But really they are just Frisbees with a little bit of Slinky thrown in for good measure.
• Quirky people will invite guests over for an entire night of boardgames and then make the food they serve so unrecognizable, that in itself becomes the evening’s entertainment — people making educated guesses as to what they’re swallowing. If you have just the right amount of “Quirky” in you, you’ll immediately get the idea this concept will make a terrific new reality TV show and contact a producer with the proposed title, “Guest Ingest Test!”
• Quirky people care very deeply what others think of them, but also take great pride constantly proclaiming, “I march to the beat of my own drummer!” It’s the tug of war between these two opposing mindsets that makes them so neurotic. That and the fact that their drummer is Pete Best.
• Quirky people wear breezy and quaint clothing. They never veer into sexy unless they’re trying to seduce you — in which case they’ll dress like Gilda Radner.
• Quirky people are constantly writing to companies and asking why their products have been discontinued. Then they start petitions to bring back The Original Cinnamon Tic Tacs or The McDonald’s Arch Delux.
• Quirky people will tell you their lives are full of passion and purpose. If you ask for an example they will bring out their petition for you to sign.
• Quirky people will do things that are totally unpredictable, but then realize you’re catching onto them doing the unexpected and so they’ll trick you by doing exactly what you anticipate. Once you prepare yourself for that however, they’ll revert back to being random again. All without ever saying, “Aha….Gotcha!!”
• Quirky people will refuse to leave your life even if you exile them. Restraining orders are completely wasted on quirky people because they have a way of stalking you in their mind.
• Quirky people will ask you to hold on during a phone call so they can answer the door. There’s never anyone actually ringing their bell however — they’re really still on the phone listening intently to see if you’ll say anything interesting about them to someone else in the room.  So the two of you will both be on the line in silence, trying to breathe unobtrusively until the quirky person will finally declare, “Sorry, I’m back now.”
• Once you have achieved the perfect formulation for Quirky, nobody will ever refer to you as Quirky again. You will have graduated to “Whimsical.” Once achieved, you’ll never be held accountable for your actions again because — hold on a sec, someone is ringing my doorbell. . .

Readers: Do you see a difference between Quirky, Unconventional, or just plain Neurotic?