I’ve been doing a lot of research on how to get it to happen . . . the pinnacle experience here on WordPress – – the honor of having your blog post exposed to millions of new readers. It’s called “Freshly Pressed.”
I came to the conclusion that there’s nothing a writer can do to make it happen . . . except maybe pray.
With that in mind, Here are the Steps I Took Towards my Goal:
MY FRESHLY PRESSED STRATEGY
1. I went to my House of Worship today and when I got there, the clergy put his hands over my head and uttered some holy words about my Blog. Freshly Blessed!
2. I then knelt down and admitted I had told a few friends I had 50,000 Followers. Freshly Confessed!
3. He then pronounced me a little crazy eyed, kinda guilty – – maybe “the devil made me do it?” Freshly Possessed!
4. While I was there he also healed some of my other ailments, including Writer’s Block. Freshly Convalesced!
5. I went home to prepare for a date with another writer and put on a clean skirt. Freshly Dressed!
6. The writer showed me his new book and I oohed and awed. Freshly Impressed!
7. Feeling inferior, I got up to leave – – but he asked me to stay. I reluctantly sat down. Freshly Acquiesced!
8. We ordered roasted chicken and I took my favorite part – – the white meat. Freshly Breast!
9. He rapidly took my hands, looked into my eyes briefly, and in a big hurry said he’d call me soon. Freshly Expressed!
10. I did my best sexy old movie star impression and drawled, “Why doncha come up and see me sometime?” Freshly Mae West
11. That made him embrace me, running his hands slowly down my backside. Freshly Caressed!
12. When I drove home, I couldn’t stop thinking about his muscular arms, shoulders and chest. Freshly obsessed!
13. I stepped hard on the gas pedal as I began to feel anxious that he wouldn’t call again. Freshly Stressed!
14. The cop asked if I knew how fast I was going? I was unsure, but tried to estimate. 65 mph? Freshly Guessed!
15. When he said he was going to write me up, I began to argue. Freshly Protest!
16. Then he handed me the ticket and I made a recommendation of where he could stick it. Freshly Suggest!
17. He didn’t like that and took out his handcuffs. Freshly Arrest!
18. I asked him to sing to me, reminding him that people get a last wish before they go to jail. Freshly Request!
19. He changed into his costume, (white sequined pants, sunglasses) and put on a long, black famous wig. Freshly Tressed!
This was the moment I had been waiting for! I knew it would finally happen. As I watched him gyrate his hips to Jailhouse Rock, he transformed into a brand new, updated version of “Elvis, The King!” And that’s when I realized, (I was never getting Freshly Pressed. Nope!) I was getting “Presley Freshed!”
And now I remain Freshly Depressed.
“Thank you. Thank you very much!”
I just reread this one and am still freshly impressed.
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I’ve often wondered what it takes to be FP. Guess I’ll keep wondering.
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Freshly addicted
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How did I miss this post? It was worth a Fresh giggle-fest!
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I’m positive and a half they’ll never freshly press me and I’ve made my peace with it. I just can’t get through a whole post without using some kind of four letter “sentence enhancer”
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LOL
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I read this earlier and thought it was great! I can’t believe I forgot to comment or “Like” it.
I was probably trying to think of a pun to add to the collection.
I guess it was my Freshly Quest. (hope that’s not a repeat. lol I try)
Funny post.
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Hi Tom – – forgive me for directing you to a repeat, then. lol. I kinda feel bad, like I wasted your time on a bad rerun of the Brady Bunch. 😉
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It was a pleasure to read it again. 🙂
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Great…freshly refreshing…
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Nice! 🙂
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Ah! I love this! Very charming 🙂
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Number 10 – fabulous!!!!
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Aww, thank you. Kinda my fave too, and the most off the wall. Thank you for stopping by!
Stephanie
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Oh geez….now I’m all…like….freshly….um….messed?
Love this and your quirky views!
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lol, Tammy. Thank you so very much for taking the time to read and comment!
take care,
Stephanie
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omgoodness… adorable!!
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Thank you Miss B. Anyone who puts “Miss” in their Blog identity has to be very discerning! 😉
take care,
Stephanie
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I loved this! I look forward to reading more of your blog.
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How very kind of you – – thank you very much and I hope you find some more here you enjoy. Will come visit you, too.
take care,
stephanie
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An epic quest for the WP Holy Grail 😀
Nicely done.
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Certainly is, isn’t it. Oh well – – we can all just amuse ourselves trying. Thank you for reading and commenting, Kelly!
take care,
stephanie
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supah cute
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Much appreciate the read and remark!
Stephanie
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That really made me LOL! Adorably awesome. 🙂
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Hey, than you for stopping in and saying so!
take care,
Stephanie
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and had you fallen to the floor, kicking up a tantrum like a 2 year old – FRESHLY REGRESSED!
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Really perfect line! There is still time for me to kick and scream. lol. Thank you so much for stopping by with your own brand of wit!!
take care,
Stephanie
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Love the logo. Perhaps we should all put that up…
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Let’s go for it, Elaine. Logo Consolation!
thanks for coming over!
Stephanie
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This just might be the post to make it happen. Very witty! 🙂
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Thank you for saying so, Mark. But alas, I think I’m back to the drawing (writing!) board. Glad you stopped by and will retrace breadcrumbs back to your blog, too!
take care,
Stephanie
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Loved this!
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I am so glad to hear that! Thank you for stopping by,
Stephanie
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Reblogged this on Brainfluff and commented:
It’s pouring with rain and blowing a hoolie, so I thought you might like a laugh – I certainly did after reading this offering from One Upon Your Prime
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I’m wondering where in the world you are that it’s pouring and there are hoolies? Laughing at that term! Anyhow, can’t thank you enough for the reblog – – awfully kind of you to take the time to do that and really appreciate you stopping by!
take care,
stephanie
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Hi Stephanie,
So glad that you appreciated the reblog – I try to take care to ensure that it is apparent who the original blogger is. Love your content and very glad that you don’t mind my sharing it, further. I love right on the south coast of England – and yesterday the weather was truly awful. The term blowing a hoolie is, I believe, a Scottish term courtesy of my father (I’m a purebred mongrel).
All the best,
Sarah
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Reblogged this on The Writer's Workshop Blog.
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That was the BESSSST laugh I’ve had this week. Loved it and had to reblog. Thanks for that.
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Jean, what a doll to take the time to do that. Thank so much and I will be following the breadcrumbs over to the Writer’s Workshop Blog very soon!
take good care,
stephanie
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Freshly excessed with laughter! Excellent and clever.
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How sweet – – thank you. Anyone with Quirky in their name is my kinda Writer! Will come visit your blog very soon!
take care,
Stephanie
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